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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23156530">The Long Way Round</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChasingtheCosmos/pseuds/ChasingtheCosmos'>ChasingtheCosmos</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Academy Era Doctor, Angst, Canon Compliant, Dimension-Hopping Rose, Episode Fix-It: s04e13 Journey's End, Everybody Lives, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Gallifrey, Happy Ending, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Telepathy, Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler Reunion, Time Lords, Touch Telepathy, because what is Doctor Who canon, mentions of Nine/Rose, wibbly wobbly timey wimey, with a giant question mark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:40:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>58,515</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23156530</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChasingtheCosmos/pseuds/ChasingtheCosmos</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose is so close to finally being reunited with the Doctor again, but when the dimension cannon spits her out on a whole new planet and she runs into a whole new man, she finally understands what it means to be careful what you wish for.</p><p>Everything in this fic is set between the events of S4E11 "Turn Left" and S4E12 "The Stolen Earth" with a S4E13 "Journey's End" fix-it and a Ten/Rose reunion and epilogue as well.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>First Doctor/Rose Tyler, The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Rose Tyler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>143</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>248</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The Series 12 finale made me want to start rewatching Classic Who again, and then I had a few scenes dropped into my head, and this fic was officially born.</p><p>Some things you should know before we get into this:<br/>1) Doctor Who "canon" is basically just 50+ years of insanity.  Much of this fic is generally in line with the established universe, but some facts are stretched, and some added details are my own.  Keeping that in mind, here are the building blocks that this fic will be working off of:<br/>- The Doctor is somewhere around 100-years-old and about to graduate from the Time Lord Academy<br/>- He's never been married and has no children yet<br/>- The majority of this story takes place in the Gallifreyan drylands featured in episodes like "Hell Bent", if you would like a visual reference<br/>- Humans (and any unapproved alien species) are not allowed on Gallifrey<br/>- The Doctor has been off of Gallifrey before, but he hasn't visited Earth yet, and he's never time traveled<br/>2) This story is told from Rose's POV, but because I've recently rediscovered my love for drabbles, each chapter has a short 100-word addition at the end that is told from a first-person Doctor POV.  Think of it as diary excerpts that show his opinion on the events of the chapter.<br/>3) The Doctor in this fic is based off of the First Doctor - if you would like visual references, Google images of a young William Hartnell.<br/>4) No one can seem to agree on Hartnell's eye color (??), so I'm operating off of the opinion that they're blue, but feel free to imagine it however you like, it's left relatively open-ended.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p></p><div class="center">
  <p> </p>
  <p>    <a href="https://ibb.co/6wLkr62"></a><br/><br/></p>
</div></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose let out a grunt when the dimension cannon spat her out and reality slammed into her like a brick wall.  Her knees collided roughly with the ground before she was able to tuck her limbs closer to her core and maneuver herself into a roll.  She was immensely grateful for the fact that she had hit dirt and grass rather than pavement and rubble, this time.  Bandaging up the scrapes and bruises that she collected on these sorts of outings was always a bit of a hassle, but she supposed it was a small price to pay in the face of the great mission that loomed before her.</p><p>She came to a halt on her back, her eyes gazing up at the wide expanse of sky above her, the view completely uninterrupted by buildings or trees.  The absence of any floating zeppelins immediately flooded Rose with hope, but the sensation soon withered and crumpled within her chest as she realized that it wasn't even an <i>Earth</i> sky at all.  It was a hazy blue color with two suns shining side-by-side with one another, and even though there were no floating vessels trailing through the airway above, there was a pale, ghostly line of planetary rings glowing just outside of the atmosphere far above her head.</p><p>Rose sighed wearily as she let her eyelids slip shut and she pressed the heels of her hands to her forehead in frustration.  The dimension cannon had sent her to foreign planets before, of course, but it had been a while since she had arrived on any place other than Earth.</p><p>She had been <i>so certain</i> that they were closing in on the Doctor's presence - finally in the right timeline, and in the right universe.  When she had bent down and whispered her two-word alias into Donna Noble's ear, she had been so hopeful that this whole misadventure would <i>finally</i> be coming to an end, and she would be reunited with the Doctor once more, as she should be.</p><p>However, it seemed that her brash determination and over-hopeful attitude had only set her up for disappointment, and the dimension cannon hadn't been as honed in on the Doctor's presence as she thought it was.</p><p>She could feel frustrated tears stinging at the backs of her eyes as she forced herself to take deep, measured breaths and fought against the wave of helplessness and anger building within her.</p><p>Her brief moment of self-pity came to an abrupt end when she was suddenly interrupted by a soft, muted noise that sounded vaguely like a throat clearing.</p><p>Rose's eyes immediately popped open and she drew her hands away from her face as she sat bolt-upright and began to survey her surroundings.  "Hello?" she called out hesitantly as she slowly scanned the immediate area around her.  "Who's there?"</p><p>The grass that she had landed in was a bright, alien red, and seemed to be part of some lush, rolling plain with not much to decorate the landscape other than a few clumps of distant trees and an indistinct line on the horizon that was probably indicative of a city or civilization of some sort.  There wasn't a living thing in sight for miles, and there wasn't a single movement besides the grass, which danced lazily in the light breeze.</p><p>When the throat-clearing noise came again, Rose's head immediately snapped to the right and she gasped in surprise as her gaze settled on a lone figure, standing just outside of her peripheral vision and watching her intently.  The stranger appeared to be a man of average height and build (if a bit skinny) with plain, unassuming clothes, and light brown hair that he kept swept back away from his face.  He had a thin, severe mouth, a slightly hooked nose, and wildly expressive brows that shadowed over pale, changeable eyes.</p><p>Everything about him was completely traditional and not at all interesting or unique, but Rose couldn't help but cower slightly in fear of him.  He had a harsh, intimidating look about him as he stood as still as a statue in the midst of the dancing red grass.  The sharp, imperious glare that darkened his features did nothing to soften his strict stance.</p><p>As soon as Rose turned to look at him, he growled something at her in a lilting, alien language that she couldn't understand.  It had been a long time since Rose had been troubled by any sort of language barrier, and the sudden, unintelligible words took her by surprise.  Ever since she had taken up traveling with the Doctor in the TARDIS, nearly every written and spoken language was automatically telepathically translated for her.  Even when she was trapped in her parallel world, she was able to translate and speak nearly any foreign language - including those that were not from Earth.</p><p>As Rose quietly pondered this new, strange anomaly, the stranger took another step forward and muttered something to her again.  She shook her head slightly as she raised her blank gaze to his to indicate that she couldn't understand, and she watched as his eyebrows knit together into a considering scowl in response.</p><p>"Sorry, mate," she murmured quietly.  "Translation system isn't working for some reason ..."</p><p>"Ah.  Earth English," the man replied succinctly, his expression clearing slightly as he slipped easily into a dialect that Rose could understand.  "A strange choice, if I may say so.  Very ... <i>rustic</i>."</p><p>Rose felt her own brows slowly drawing together as she gazed up at the stranger in confusion.  He spoke her native language as easily as if he had been doing it all his life - even his accent was perfectly rounded to fit her home country, though it was quite a bit posher than her own.</p><p>"Well?" the man snapped irritably, interrupting Rose's cautious perusal of him with a harsh, commanding tone.  "What are you doing there?  Who are you?"</p><p>"Oh, don't mind me," Rose muttered as she rose stiffly to her feet and began dusting herself off.  "I think I got a bit lost, is all.  I'm not supposed to be here ..."</p><p>"Well, that's evident," the stranger replied haughtily.  "How did you end up out here in the first place, hmm?"</p><p>"I just ... sort of fell off the track, I think," Rose hedged.  "I was on my way to find this friend of mine, and I just got a bit sidetracked."</p><p>"Your friend?" the man repeated, narrowing his gaze at her suspiciously.  He seemed to take another moment to silently appraise her before he demanded, "Well, who are you?  What's your name?"</p><p>"Oh, I'm no one special, really," Rose replied with a small, dismissive shrug.  Then, peering curiously at her surroundings once more, she added, "Sorry, but could you tell me where I am?"</p><p>"How could you not be aware of that?" the man asked dubiously.</p><p>"Told you - just got a bit lost."  Rose hated lying to other people, but she had learned from her years of traveling with the Doctor how to give people just enough information to pass for the truth without actually letting on to the dangerous information that she concealed.  "Just passing through, never quite know where I'm going to end up."</p><p>"Tell me, young lady, do you often make a habit of getting yourself lost like this?" the man asked.</p><p>"'Young lady'?" Rose repeated, turning and letting her eyes rake over him with a dubious expression.  The man standing before her couldn't have been more than two or three years older than herself if they were going off of appearances and Earth years.</p><p>"Yes.  That's what you are, isn't it?" the man sighed wearily, raising an imperious brow in her direction as he, too, let his gaze track pointedly from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet and back again.  "I'll assume that your refusal to answer my question means that you <i>are</i>, in fact, quite in the habit of getting yourself lost.  You know, you seem to be very bad at answering direct questions, my dear.  It's enough to make one suspicious."</p><p>"No need to worry," Rose assured him lightly.  "Like I said - I'm no one special."</p><p>However, her words didn't seem to reassure him.  In fact, as Rose watched him carefully out of the corner of her eye, she could see that his gaze was narrowed again as he stared hard at something in the empty space surrounding her head, as though he were examining something that she couldn't see.</p><p>Before she could ask him what he was looking at, something like realization dawned on his features and his eyes suddenly expanded to twice their size as he stared at her in shock.  "You're a time traveler," he stated in awe.</p><p>Rose was about to open her mouth and attempt to formulate some sort of explanation or excuse to distract him from that fact, when the young man continued quietly, "Your timelines ... I've never seen anything like them before in my life.  They're ..."  The words seemed to stick on his tongue and Rose watched as his brow furrowed before he shook his head as though to clear his thoughts and focused back on her again.</p><p>Suddenly, he stepped forward and rudely invaded her personal space to take in a deep lungful of air.  "And you're ... <i>human</i>," he declared, his nose turning up slightly with this realization as he stared down at her in dubious disbelief.  "How is this possible?  How can you be here?  There are no humans allowed on Gallifrey."</p><p>The sudden, unexpected name sent something like ice sliding through Rose's veins and she could feel her breath catch on something sharp in her chest as she gazed up at the stranger with wide, shocked eyes.</p><p>"Gallifrey?" she repeated numbly.</p><p>"Yes," the man replied, his brow furrowing further as he gazed down at her bewildered expression.  "Where did you think you were?"</p><p>Rose opened her mouth, but the only sound that escaped her lips was a small, shocked squeak as she blinked hard and then turned to take in her surroundings once more.  She supposed that it was good news that the dimension cannon had gotten the right universe, at least - it seemed that her calculations hadn't been so far off, after all.  But the device was set to zero-in on the <i>Doctor's</i> location.  Did that mean ...?</p><p>"Please," Rose muttered, her voice coming out as a choked whisper as she felt a million different emotions rising within her and lodging firmly in her throat.  She reached out and fumbled awkwardly at the lapels of the man's brown jacket as she stepped closer to him and forced him to look her straight in the eye.  "Please," she tried again, "you have to help me - do you know of anyone here who calls themselves 'the Doctor'?"</p><p>"'The Doctor'?" the man repeated, his scowl turning from hesitantly confused to darkly suspicious in the span of just a few moments.  "How do you know that name?" he asked, his voice low and dangerous as he met her intense gaze with his own.</p><p>It was obviously a name that the stranger recognized, and Rose could feel the hope rising in her chest threatening to strangle her as her grip on the stranger's lapels tightened into fists and she forced him even closer to her.  "Please," she begged, "just tell me - is he here?  Is he here on Gallifrey?"</p><p>The man eyed her grip on his clothes with a look of intense distaste as he shook his head and muttered, "There is no one on Gallifrey by that name."</p><p>The bubbling anxiety in Rose's chest immediately fizzled out and fell flat as she stared up at the stranger in numb defeat and let his declaration sink in.  If the Doctor had been here, she might have been able to intercept him and enlist his help in her fight against the approaching darkness.  Not only that, but she might have at last been able to fill the void in her life that had been left raw and aching ever since they had parted as well.  She had been <i>so close</i> ...</p><p>"There's never been anyone on Gallifrey by that name," the young man continued as he seized the moment of Rose's hesitation and reached up to forcibly brush her hands off of him.  He folded his own hands over the plain, brown jacket that Rose had been grasping and raised his chin in the air in a dignified stance as he gazed down his nose at her and added, "However, it <i>is</i> strange that you should mention it - though I suppose it probably has something to do with your time traveling capabilities."</p><p>"What does?" Rose asked warily as she struggled to focus on his words and not the sharp, bitter heartache that she could feel settling like a weight in her gut.</p><p>"Well, that name you just brought up ..." the man continued slowly, his brow furrowing as he gazed into the distance with a look of intense contemplation.  "It's strange, because I was thinking, just today, that it might make a good title.  I plan to graduate from the Academy within the next few years, you know, and they make you choose a name - a sign of who you'd like to be - before you get sent out into the universe.  It's an ancient Time Lord tradition.  And I was thinking, just recently, that 'the Doctor' might be a good fit."</p><p>Rose's eyes were slowly widening again as understanding settled over her and she cautiously raised her gaze back to his.  He was watching her intently, and when she finally met his searching eyes, he raised an eyebrow at her and muttered wryly, "It seems that I was correct in my assumptions."</p><p>"You're ..." Rose breathed in disbelief.</p><p>"It appears so," the man stated.  "The fact that your timelines are more tangled than the vortex itself, and the way that you seem to know the name that I've never spoken out loud to any other living creature before proves it.  You, my dear, are from my future."</p><p>Rose watched as he raised his chin and struck another very brash, dramatic pose as he declared, "Hello.  I'm the Doctor."</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>--------------------</p>
</div><i>I first found her sitting amongst the grass like a wild arkytior bloom ripe for the picking.  She didn't recognize my face, but she knew my name, even before I spoke it.</i><p>
  <i>It's strange to admit, but it was a name that I had a hard time claiming as my own.  It felt so weighty, so important, so significant - it was not a name for a nobody like me.  But the way she spoke it - the hope and desperation and reverence that colored her tone - made me long to be the sort of man who could live up to it.</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose was distantly aware of the fact that she probably looked like a fool standing there with her wide eyes and her slack-jawed expression, but she couldn't quite bring herself to focus on that insignificant fact as she ran her critical gaze over the man standing in front of her.  He didn't look anything like either of the Doctors who Rose had traveled with in the past, and he had a sharp, severe attitude about him that stood in blatant contrast to the war-weary, heartbroken man who she remembered.</p><p>As she continued to gawp at him in silence, she noticed that he was looking down his nose at her with a smugly amused expression.  He looked like a boastful child who was proud of the fact that he had managed to outwit his opponent and solve the riddle first.</p><p>"You're the Doctor," Rose stated flatly, as though the verbal declaration would help her to believe in the validity of the statement.</p><p>"I must admit," he continued breezily, "I don't know exactly how <i>humans</i> go about conducting introductions, but it seems to me that common practice requires <i>both</i> parties to exchange names in order for the introduction to be considered proper.  You are being extremely rude by continuing to evade the question, my dear."</p><p>"<i>I'm</i> being rude?" Rose snapped haughtily.</p><p>When he made no response other than to continue to raise that imperious, sarcastic brow at her, Rose huffed in irritation and crossed her arms stubbornly against her chest.  She forced herself to look him directly in the eye as she lied, "Jane.  Jane Smith."</p><p>The man before her - she still couldn't quite convince herself to think of him as <i>the Doctor</i> - flashed her a deadpan look as he muttered, "Yes, of course.  And what's your <i>real</i> name?"</p><p>"What's <i>your</i> real name?" Rose countered childishly.  "It's certainly not 'the Doctor', is it?  Don't start trying to lecture me about fairness and false identities."</p><p>"<i>You</i> were the one who called <i>me</i> the Doctor first," he reminded her pointedly.  "In the future, that's clearly the name that you know me by.  So what do <i>I</i> call <i>you</i>?"</p><p>Rose locked her jaw in a determined expression for a moment before she heaved a small sigh and dropped her gaze in defeat.  "I ... can't tell you," she muttered quietly.  "I shouldn't even <i>be</i> here.  It's dangerous enough, running into you like this.  I can't risk screwing up the timelines any further ..."</p><p>"And what do you mean by that?" the young man insisted warily.  "What do you mean by 'any further'?"  He paused for a moment as he narrowed his gaze at a point over her head once more and silently tracked something that she couldn't see.  "There aren't currently any impending paradoxes in your timeline - though there certainly are a great deal of strange anomalies.  My, my, young lady, the things you get up to ..."</p><p>"Stop that," Rose muttered, unsure whether to be more annoyed or amused as she watched him blink hard and then refocus on her once more.</p><p>"Stop what?" he asked as his expression fell back into another petulant scowl.</p><p>"Stop peeking at my timelines," she clarified pointedly, "it's rude.  And stop calling me 'young lady' and 'my dear'.  You sound like my granddad, it's just weird."</p><p>The Doctor let out a sharp bark of laughter before shaking his head at her and murmuring condescendingly, "You'll have to excuse me, my dear - it's just that, compared to me, you're no more than a babbling toddler.  You mustn't let appearances fool you, I'm easily seven times your age.  You humans wither and age so quickly - your lifespans are a mere blink of an eye to a Time Lord like me.  I'm sure you understand this already, of course, if you are indeed telling the truth and you really do know me in the future."</p><p>Rose felt her jaw straining as she clenched her teeth together in frustration and glared at the young man before her.  "Well, <i>some</i> things certainly never change ..." she growled under her breath.</p><p>"I'm sorry?  What was that?" the Doctor asked in irritation.</p><p>"Well, if I didn't believe you were the Doctor before, I <i>certainly</i> do now," Rose replied, her voice rising along with her ire.  "It seems the <i>arrogance</i> never changes."</p><p>"I beg your pardon!" the Doctor gasped indignantly.  "What a horribly rude thing for a young lady to say!"</p><p>"I'm not about to start taking notes on etiquette and decency from the likes of <i>you</i>," Rose bit back angrily.  "And I thought I told you to <i>stop</i> calling me that!"</p><p>"Well, what else can I call you, if you refuse to tell me your <i>real name</i>?" the Doctor countered pointedly.</p><p>Rose glared up at him in silence for a moment as she desperately searched his expression for any hint that this man really was who he claimed to be.  Surely it was possible for more than one "Doctor" to be on Gallifrey at any point in the universe's history.  But if he really was who he said he was, then there was no way that she could reveal to him her true identity - not without forcing him to forget her the moment that she left.  There was already enough danger in the universe with the stars disappearing from out of the sky all around her.  Rose didn't dare attempt to add another paradox on top of the whole situation.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Doctor," she finally replied, letting out a small, defeated sigh as her anger drained from her and helpless resignation rose up to take its place.  "I can't tell you.  It's just too dangerous."</p><p>"You look to be a capable enough young woman," he muttered slowly as he struggled to make sense of her seemingly unpredictable, changeable moods.  "I'm certain that you would be able to combat any danger that your identity might cause."</p><p>"Not dangerous for <i>me</i>," Rose clarified evenly, her gaze slowly raising to meet his once more.  "Dangerous for <i>you</i>."</p><p>It was now the young Doctor's turn to take a moment to determinedly search her expression.  He looked as though he were attempting to seek out any hint that she might be lying.  As she watched him, Rose noticed that his features were far younger than she had ever seen them before - in fact, if he were a human, she might have guessed that they were the same age.  But the real difference between this man and the one who Rose loved was hidden deep in his eyes.  There was no pain, no loss, no ghosts lingering in their pale depths - he was just a young man, untested and unproved by the universe.</p><p>Rose could see in his expressive face the exact moment that he made the decision to believe her as his lips thinned in resignation and his furrowed brows softened ever-so-slightly.  "Alright, <i>Jane</i>, have it your way," he muttered dismissively.  "You can keep your secrets if that will make you feel more at ease.  But tell me - if you really <i>are</i> from my future, then were am <i>I</i>?  You seemed rather desperate to find my future self, just a moment ago.  What's happened to him?"</p><p>Rose shook her head sadly as she whispered truthfully, "I don't know.  I came here trying to find him."</p><p>Her small, defeated tone seemed to at last melt away all that remained of the menacing scowl that the young Doctor had been fixing her with ever since he had first laid eyes on her.  However, he was still cautious as he tipped his head curiously to the side and asked, "How did you come to be here, then?  There's no way that a human could come to Gallifrey without some sort of Time Lord assistance or intervention."</p><p>"That's a ... long story," Rose replied, awkwardly shifting her weight between her feet as her right hand raised on instinct to conceal the large, black band of the dimension cannon that was currently strapped to her left wrist.</p><p>However, as her fingers ghosted across the surface of the device, she was filled with the overwhelming sensation that something was <i>wrong</i>.  There was no subtle buzz of energy coming from the small wrist band, and the controls - which were normally warm and overheated from all of the energy it took to cause a successful dimension jump - were oddly cool to the touch.</p><p>When Rose glanced down at the cannon in confusion, she felt her breath freeze in her lungs as her eyes landed on darkened controls and a completely blank interface screen.</p><p>"Uh-oh ..."</p><p>"What is it?" the Doctor asked.  Rose could hear the silent "my dear" that he desperately wanted to tack on to the end of that sentence, but just managed to hold back for her sake.</p><p>"My transport is ... it's dead," she replied numbly, her fingers still tracing the controls as though she could somehow spark them back to life through sheer willpower alone.</p><p>The Doctor took a moment to eye her dimension cannon suspiciously before he shrugged his shoulders and replied blithely, "Well, no need to worry about something as simple as that.  I've had to deal with my fair share of malfunctioning technology before.  We'll just have to fix it and get it back up and running again."</p><p>"How?" Rose demanded, finally tearing her gaze away from the dead device to flash the Doctor a wild, desperate look.  Not only was the dimension cannon an immensely complicated and dangerously delicate device, it was also a machine built using a different universe's technology.  How were the two of them possibly going to be able to fix it?</p><p>However, the Doctor didn't seem the least bit perturbed by Rose's terrified concerns.  In fact, he fixed her with the first smile that she had seen on him yet as he gazed confidently down at her and replied, "I'm smarter than I look, Ms. Smith, and I trust you're aware that I've been known to weasel my way out of a jam or two in the past.  Trust me - I know what I'm doing."</p><p>And even though Rose didn't know a thing about this strange young man, she <i>did</i> know the Doctor, and if there was one thing that she was certain of, it was that she trusted him with her life.  She quickly decided that if he said he would be able to help get her home, then she had no choice but to believe him.</p><p>"My friends ... I need to get in contact with them," Rose muttered nervously as she continued to test the dead controls of the dimension cannon, which continued to refuse to respond to her touch.  "If I'm not able to check in, they're going to think that something's happened to me.  They might even send more people to try and get me back ..."</p><p>The Doctor made a disapproving tsking sound as he slowly shook his head and replied, "Well, we can't have that, now, can we?  Best get a move on - the quicker we can get that piece of machinery back up and working again, the better.  Now, come along!"</p><p>"But ... where are we going?" Rose asked as she watched the Doctor turn without another word and begin walking quickly in the opposite direction of her.  In this form, he couldn't have been more than three or four inches taller than her, but he seemed to be stretching his legs as far as they would go and managed to keep up a steady clip as he cut a wandering, disorganized path through the tall grass before him.</p><p>"I have several tools that should be able to help located back at the place where I'm staying.  I suspect I'll need them if you want me to take a look at that device of yours," the Doctor explained simply over his shoulder.  "It's just right this way - not too far.  Now, move along!"</p><p>Rose didn't miss the fact that he deliberately didn't call the place where he was staying "home", and for the first time since she had realized who he really was, Rose found herself wondering just how far along his timeline this Doctor was.  After all, she was wandering through completely unknown territory, at this point.  In coming to Gallifrey, she had been given the rare opportunity of seeing a whole new side of the Doctor that she had thought that she would never actually have the opportunity to see.  It dawned on her suddenly that she might even be able to learn more about some of the history that he always kept so jealously concealed and spoke of so rarely.</p><p>"You know," the Doctor continued, unknowingly interrupting Rose's pondering thoughts, "I wasn't teasing you earlier when I said that there were no humans allowed on Gallifrey.  You're lucky that it was <i>me</i> who found you out here in the middle of nowhere, and not someone else who might report you to the authorities."</p><p>"Why <i>haven't</i> you reported me to the authorities?" Rose asked curiously.</p><p>"Why should I?" the Doctor responded haughtily.  "You don't seem to be any sort of threat, just sitting out here all by yourself, daydreaming in the grass.  Besides, I've always thought that the High Council's laws about alien visitors were a bit silly and outdated.  I never paid too much attention to them, to be quite honest.  And it's rather clear that you'er not just some ordinary human, Ms. Smith.  I'd be quite interested to hear some of the stories that you might have to tell."</p><p>"I'm afraid that most of the interesting stuff is classified, since it involves your future self," Rose replied with a small shrug.  She turned to flash him a sidelong glance as she continued, "And you can call me Jane, by the way.  'Ms. Smith' is a bit ... <i>formal</i>."</p><p>The Doctor made an annoyed sound in the back of his throat as he rolled his eyes and glared down at her.  "For someone who refuses to give me their true name, you <i>do</i> seem to be very concerned with how I address you.  I assure you I am only attempting to maintain a decent sense of propriety between us.  Isn't it proper human custom to refer to a young woman by her last name?"</p><p>"Maybe," Rose allowed awkwardly.  "It's just a bit ... <i>strict</i>, is all.  It's not really what I'm used to."</p><p>She took a moment to carefully inspect the Doctor's profile as she fought to keep up with him and silently marked the many differences that she found there.  So much of how he spoke and acted stood at odds with the man who she knew and loved in the future, though she supposed that a few centuries of time and an all-consuming war would be enough to change any man.</p><p>"You're so different," she mused quietly under her breath as she watched him.</p><p>"Hmm?  And how is that?" the Doctor asked with some interest.  "Surely I can't be <i>that</i> different from my future self.  Just how far ahead in my timeline are you from, anyway?"</p><p>"When I first met you, you told me you were nine-hundred-years-old," Rose informed him, watching him with a dubiously raised brow.  "Never really knew whether to believe you on that one or not, but it's the number you decided to stick with."</p><p>"Yes, age is a rather tedious and unnecessary number, isn't it?" the Doctor muttered distractedly as he glared out at the horizon before them with a suddenly-sour expression.  "Nevertheless, you are from much further in the future than I had first imagined."  He raised his brow consideringly for a moment before he added, "Still, that's a small mercy, I suppose - to know that I have such a long life ahead of me."</p><p>Rose made no comment to that, but she could feel her mouth hardening into a thin line as she stared down hard at her shoes.  This Doctor had no idea what his future held - the decades and centuries of heartbreak and torment that lay ahead of him.  For him, he had the entire universe to look forward to.  There was no way that Rose could warn him that it would not be as kind as he thought it was.</p><p>"Well, you could certainly try to at least <i>appear</i> to be happy about that fact," the Doctor sniffed as he took in her wary expression out of the corner of his eye.</p><p>"Sorry," Rose replied awkwardly.  "It's just ... I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be able to actually find him again.  I miss him."  She paused to examine her companion for a moment before she sighed softly and shook her head.  No matter how hard she tried, she simply couldn't seem to find any part of the Doctor who she knew in this young stranger.</p><p>"Miss who, dear Jane?" he asked, his tone gentler and more accommodating than she had heard it yet.</p><p>"The Doctor," she replied ruefully.  "I miss my Doctor."</p><div class="center">
  <p>--------------------</p>
</div><i>She tells me she's from eight-hundred years in my future.  It seems hard to believe, but the odd way that she speaks makes me think that it just might be the truth.</i><p>
  <i>She talks to me as though she knows me, but neither of us are quite sure how to reconcile the man in her head with the man I am today.  He is familiar, warm, comforting.  I am hesitant, cool, distant.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I don't know if the call that I feel towards her is real or just a trick of the timelines, but I'm not fool enough to trust it.</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the young Doctor led Rose steadily across the surface of Gallifrey, the landscape around them slowly began to give way from rolling red fields of grass to flat, arid plains of dirt and sand.  There were large rocky formations in the distance rising into tall, proud mountains beyond, and a few bare, sun-bleached trees scattered sporadically throughout.</p><p>Without much else to mark the horizon, Rose was easily able to make out the single, small cluster of buildings that the Doctor seemed to be leading them towards.  The structures looked old and worn, even from a distance, and appeared to be made of some sort of pale, unadorned wood and not entirely sealed off from the elements.</p><p>The conversation between the Doctor and Rose had fallen into silence long ago when she continued to avoid his probing questions and he seemed to grow more frustrated with his inability to puzzle her out.  However, as soon as Rose set her sights on the humble dwellings before them, she found that she could no longer hold her peace as surprised curiosity took over.</p><p>"What is <i>that</i>?" she asked as she turned to flash the Doctor a dubious look.  "Is that where you live?"</p><p>"Do you have a problem with my accommodations?" he asked snidely.  "Would you prefer that I take you into the city instead?  I'm sure that the High Council would have some nice, pristine holding cells that they would be happy to treat you to.  Would that be more suited to your standards, Ms. Jane?"</p><p>"Alright, fine, I get it," Rose muttered through tightly-clenched teeth.</p><p>She had never known the Doctor to come from such unassuming, humble roots, but she could already sense that making a comment about that now would only further annoy and confuse him, and she wasn't interested in starting another argument at the moment.</p><p>The Doctor didn't pause to allow her any further questions before leading her forward towards the smallest, oldest building on the very edge of the small encampment, making sure to stop and hold the door open for her like it was some posh, grand hotel.</p><p>"You live ... in a barn," Rose muttered in disbelief as she looked up through the slats in the wooden ceiling above that would do nothing to protect them from the elements and gave a clear view of the alien sky up above.</p><p>"It can hardly be considered a <i>barn</i>," the Doctor insisted stubbornly.  "No animals have been kept in this place for centuries.  I've been staying here for the past few decades or so.  They're quite acceptable accommodations, I assure you."</p><p>"What about the other buildings?  Who lives there?" Rose asked as she hesitantly crossed over the threshold and began to look around the small, open space within.</p><p>There was a small loft area on the far side of the structure that sat up off of the ground and appeared to hold a single, flat mattress for sleeping in.  Every other wall was lined with a variety of mismatched tables and crates that were overflowing with various odds and ends like the ones that Rose was used to seeing on the Doctor's work tables in the TARDIS.  There were very few other creature comforts, as far as she could tell.</p><p>"Best not go wandering around town to have a look," the Doctor warned, leveling a weighted look on her as he nodded his head in the direction of the other buildings, which stood a good twenty yards away.</p><p>"Got some mates who won't take too kindly to strangers?" Rose surmised, raising a sarcastic brow in his direction as she slowly began navigating the small space around her.</p><p>"Indeed," the Doctor agreed warily.  "I do believe that they will not hesitate to call on those authorities I mentioned earlier."</p><p>"Who are they, though?" Rose insisted curiously.  "Family?  Friends?  Schoolmates?"</p><p>"Something like that," the Doctor replied cryptically.  "But come, now, nevermind that, my dear, we have work to do!"</p><p>Rose stepped back and watched as he quickly shucked his coat from off of his shoulders and abandoned it on an old, rusted nail sticking from the wall near the doorway.  He then rolled up the baggy white sleeves of his undershirt until they were secured over his forearms just below his elbows and began eagerly rooting around through the piles of junk on the surrounding tables.</p><p>"Come, Jane, come!" he insisted, waving distractedly at her over his shoulder as he continued to work.</p><p>Rose eyed him warily as she slowly stepped up to join him.  His eager, busy attitude was at last reminding her of her own Doctor, but she was still slow to trust this stranger as she cautiously unclasped the dimension cannon from around her wrist and laid it on the small, empty space that he had cleared on the table before him.</p><p>"It's completely dead," she explained quietly as the Doctor continued to bustle around the room collecting the tools he thought he might need.  "It's meant to display my current spacetime coordinates as well as the local time and date.  This blue light is the one to indicate that it's powered on, and the green one lights up when it's ready to make a jump."</p><p>"A jump?" the Doctor repeated distractedly as he finally set his tools down and turned to examine the dimension cannon more closely.  "What sort of 'jumps' does it do, exactly?  What is the purpose of this device?"</p><p>When Rose's only response was tense, tight-lipped silence, the Doctor sighed wearily and rolled his eyes at her.  "Well, I can't very well <i>fix</i> it if I don't know what I'm <i>fixing</i>, now can I?" he insisted exasperatedly.</p><p>"It's a dimension cannon," Rose finally replied, the words feeling as though they were being ripped from her as she forced herself to admit the dangerous truth behind the device.  "It lets me jump between dimensions."</p><p>"And whyever would you want to do that?" the Doctor asked, eyeing her curiously as he bent over the cannon and instantly began working it apart.</p><p>This time, Rose's only response was a firm shake of her head as she stubbornly refused to reveal any further information.  She knew that with each passing second that she remained here on Gallifrey, and with each small word that she exchanged with this past version of her Doctor, she was digging herself into a deeper hold that she would eventually struggle to get out of.</p><p>"Is that where I am, in the future?" the Doctor quickly surmised.  "Is that why you're so desperate to find me again?  Am I trapped in a parallel world?"</p><p>"Please, Doctor," Rose whispered, her voice low and rough as her hands clenched into fists at her sides.  He really was far too clever for his own good sometimes.  He was already far too close to the truth - she couldn't risk letting him find out any more information that might further damage their timelines.  "Please don't ask," she begged quietly.</p><p>"No need to look so glum about it, my dear," the Doctor assured her as he alternated between staring intently at the device in his hands and passing her curious, sidelong glances out of the corner of his eye.  "I'm sure that whatever's happened, you'll somehow manage to find him again."</p><p>"How can you be so sure?" Rose asked helplessly.</p><p>"You have a tenacity about you, dear Jane," he informed her simply.  "I would surmise that you are rather unused to being told 'no'.  Something tells me that you will not give up until you have accomplished your goal.  Your Doctor is no doubt searching for you as well, and will not be satisfied until he can be assured of your safety."  He flashed her a confident smirk as he added, "And, as I said before, I'm smarter than I look.  I'm certain that eight-hundred years of time and experience have only made me even more clever."</p><p>"Perhaps," Rose conceded with a small smile of her own.  "But it certainly hasn't taught you any humility."</p><p>The Doctor made an annoyed tsking noise and flashed her an irritated glare, but he didn't bother responding as he dedicated his attention solely back to the device in his hands once more.</p><p>"It looks as though this device blew its power getting you here through Gallifrey's force fields," he muttered distractedly as he furrowed his brow and peered at the inner workings of the dimension cannon.  "I fear that it might take quite a while to get it back up and running again."</p><p>"How long is 'a while'?" Rose asked nervously.</p><p>"Far longer than either of us might have hoped, I'm afraid," the Doctor responded warily.  "You know, I don't think I've ever seen technology quite like this before.  It is quite interesting.  Quite interesting indeed ..."</p><p>He raised his gaze back to Rose, but at the sight of her disapproving frown, he forced himself to silence any further questions that he might have had for her.</p><p>Rose could tell that he was catching on, though - far faster than he should have.  Already he understood that someone was trapped in a parallel universe, and now he was beginning to piece that together with the fact that she was a time traveling human who had unknown technology from another world on her.</p><p>"Do you think you can fix it?" Rose insisted gravely.</p><p>"Give it time, my dear.  I think I may just be able to work something out ..." the Doctor murmured as he went back to peering intently at the device once more.</p><p>"How much time, Doctor?" Rose bit her lip as she watched him, nervously eyeing the cannon's tiny, delicate pieces.</p><p>"Hmm, maybe ... a few days?  Five at the most, I think.  Yes, that sounds about right," he muttered distractedly.</p><p>"Five days?" Rose repeated dubiously.  "I can't stay here for five days!  I have a family and a job to get back to!  I have things I need to do, people are depending on me!  The Doctor ..."</p><p>She forced herself to bite her own tongue in order to silence the fear-fueled words that were suddenly bubbling up from within her.  She needed to mind what she said if she wanted to continue to keep the Doctor in the dark about his own future as much as possible.</p><p>"Still insistent on keeping your secrets, I see," the Doctor murmured thoughtfully as he caught her look of frustration from the corner of his eye.  He set his work aside and cocked his head at her as he added, "Don't you think that we can drop the charade, now?  I've already managed to work out a good deal of it on my own, you know.  I'll no doubt have to find some way to wipe my memory of this entire exchange with you as soon as you return home, anyway.  So why don't you just go ahead and tell me the truth, hmm?"</p><p>"No," Rose replied stubbornly.  "I can't."</p><p>The Doctor sighed and rolled his eyes at her in annoyance before asking, "What about your life before we met, then?  You mentioned, just now, that you have a family waiting for you.  And I'm certain that earlier you indicated that you have compatriots who might be sent after you if you stay away for too long.  If they've nothing to do with me, then certainly you can tell me more about them."</p><p>"I know what you're trying to do, Doctor," Rose replied, flashing him a small, sly smile from out of the corner of her eye.</p><p>"Oh?  And what is that?" he asked with feigned disinterest.</p><p>"You're trying to work out more about your future through the parts of my life that don't have you in it," Rose stated definitively.  "You're trying to paint a picture of yourself using the negative spaces you leave behind."</p><p>"Ridiculous," the Doctor snapped, clearly put-out that he had been caught so easily.  "Pure fantasy.  Do you really make me out to be such an egotist, dear Jane?"</p><p>"Of course I do," Rose replied easily.  "You forget that I know you, Doctor."</p><p>"Hmm," he murmured thoughtfully, "an honor that I, regretfully, cannot reciprocate."  He turned and raised a pointed brow at her as he added, "Unless, of course, you would like to tell me more about yourself and the life and family that you've left behind."</p><p>Rose sighed in defeat as she sat on one of the nearby lopsided stools that were scattered haphazardly around the work tables that the Doctor had set up around the room.  "There's no much to tell, really," she admitted slowly.  "There just me, my mum, my dad, and Mickey left.  Oh, and Tony - my baby brother."</p><p>"'Not much'?" the Doctor repeated incredulously.  "Why, that's plenty!  Far more family that I have here, at least.  Why did you leave them all behind?"</p><p>"I had to," Rose replied grimly.  "These jumps through dimensions - they're dangerous.  We can't risk sending more than one person through at a time."</p><p>"Well, why you?" the Doctor asked as he continued to work apart the tiny mechanical pieces of the dimension cannon.</p><p>"Sorry?" Rose asked in confusion.</p><p>The Doctor sighed and rolled his eyes at her in exasperation.  "Why you, dear Jane?" he repeated.  "Why were <i>you</i> the one who was chosen to take such a risk?"</p><p>"Because," Rose replied slowly, unsure of how much she should actually confess to him.  "I'm the one who's closest to the Doctor.  I'm the one who has the best chance at finding him again."</p><p>It was the smallest, simplest answer that she could safely give him.  She didn't dare explain that there had never been any question as to who would be using the dimension cannon.  Rose never would have even allowed any arguments that might suggest that someone else go in her place.  The entire operation had been set up and executed with the understanding that it would be Rose who was going through the void to find the Doctor once more.  Even saying that she was putting her life at risk in order to stop the stars from going out was a half-truth at best.  Everyone knew that she was attempting to return to the Doctor for far more selfish reasons than that.</p><p>"Right," the Doctor replied after a short, awkward silence had passed between them.  He sighed as he set the pieces he had been fiddling with back on the table before him and nervously dusted his hands off against his trousers.  "Quite right.  Well, we'd best get you back to him, then, wouldn't you say?"</p><p>"Do you really think it'll be five days before you can get the cannon up and running again?" Rose asked as she looked up at him with a dejected expression.</p><p>"Come, now, Jane, you mustn't concern yourself so much," the Doctor chided her.  He stepped forward and raised his hand as though to clap her on the shoulder, but then thought better of it and clasped his hands firmly behind his back instead.  "I will see to it that you're well taken care of during your stay here on Gallifrey.  We'll get this 'dimension cannon' of yours back up in working order as quickly as possible, and then you can return to your family and your hunt for the Doctor."</p><p>"Thank you," Rose murmured quietly.</p><p>She granted the Doctor a small, forlorn smile in gratitude, but she could feel the expression widening slightly as she met his proud, confident gaze and the assured grin that he graced her with.  She was still deeply concerned for her friends and family back in her parallel world, and she was just as desperate to return to the Doctor as she always was, but she supposed that if she had to be trapped somewhere, being stranded on Gallifrey with a younger version of the man she loved wasn't he worst place she could be.</p><div class="center">
  <p>--------------------</p>
</div><i>I have never felt this way before - like I am attempting to measure up against my own shadow.  She looks at me and we both know that she longs to see someone else.</i><p>
  <i>I wonder who this man is who she has lost, and whether he is looking for her as diligently as she is looking for him.  I wonder if eight-hundred years is really enough time for me to change into the man who she so reverently looks up to.  I wonder if I will ever get her to tell me the truth behind the heartache in her eyes.</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose spent the rest of her first day on Gallifrey simply watching the Doctor fiddle with the dimension cannon, muttering under his breath to himself all the while as he worked. As soon as the twin suns began to set and Rose's yawning became too distracting for them both, the Doctor sternly suggested that she make use of the single bed that she had noticed earlier at the top of the loft.</p><p>Though she normally would have chided him for fussing, Rose found that after the long, strange day that she had had, she was just exhausted enough to follow his command without complaint. She fell asleep that night to the sound of the Doctor quietly working below her while she curled up beneath a blanket that smelled of dust and straw and some other earthy, natural scent that she couldn't quite place.</p><p>When she arose back into consciousness once more, she noticed that her surroundings looked much the same, though the sunlight was coming from the opposite end of the barn now as dawn broke over the alien landscape outside.</p><p>Rose wearily stretched her limbs in an attempt to wake herself and let out a small, pleased moan as she twisted indulgently on the small mattress and loosened her stiff muscles. Her small noise of contentment came to an abrupt halt as she was interrupted once more by the sound of someone pointedly clearing their throat.</p><p>Rose gasped as her eyes popped open and her head whipped around to see that the Doctor was still sitting at his work table, bent over in the exact same position that she had left him in last night.</p><p>"Have you been sitting there all night?" she asked as she turned and propped her head up on her hand so that she could flash him a dubious expression.</p><p>"No, of course not," the Doctor replied matter-of-factly. He didn't turn to glance her way as he focused pointedly on his work and simply called back to her over his shoulder. "I've been keeping myself quite busy. I must admit, it's been a while since I last studied your species, Jane - I made sure to spend a few hours reacquainting myself with your particular needs and preferences so that I could be adequately prepared for your impromptu stay here on Gallifrey."</p><p>"Sorry, what are you going on about?" Rose asked as she brought her wrist to her mouth to stifle a sleepy yawn.</p><p>The Doctor finally turned to look her way, but she noticed that his gaze seemed hesitant to focus on her bedraggled appearance and sleepy features. He nodded pointedly towards the pile of fresh food and clothing that stood at the edge of the loft area just before her.</p><p>"Let it not be said that the Time Lords are lacking for any sense of hospitality," he murmured imperiously as he turned his back on her once more and focused his attention back on the dimension cannon. "I think you'll find everything to your liking, though the clothes might not be exactly suited to your taste. I did the best I could with the provisions on hand, you see."</p><p>Rose's loudly growling stomach immediately sent her flying out of her borrowed bedsheets and off of the small mattress to the edge of the loft so that she could examine the first food she'd seen in the past sixteen hours. There was a large, warm thermos containing a light, golden liquid that smelled like some sort of spiced tea and half a loaf of what looked like dark maroon-colored bread as well as several jars filled with various colors and consistencies that were no doubt meant to go along with it.</p><p>Rose hastily tucked in without bothering to ask what any of it was first. She let out another long, appreciative moan as she sampled the alien food and eagerly filled her empty stomach.</p><p>"This is absolutely gorgeous, Doctor, thank you," she murmured around the food in her mouth as she took a swig of the spiced tea and let it warm her insides and brighten her senses.</p><p>The only response that he made to her rapturous delight was a small, neutral humming sound to indicate that he had heard her, though he continued to keep his eyes focused steadfastly on the dimension cannon in his hands and didn't dare look anywhere else.</p><p>"You didn't steal any of this stuff, did you?" Rose asked as she curiously began poking through the pile of clothes that he had laid out for her.</p><p>This, at last, seemed to shatter the Doctor's intent focus, and he whipped his head up to glare at her as he snapped, "I beg your pardon! Who do you think you're talking to? I'm no petty thief, Jane. What makes you think that I would steal something that was not my own?"</p><p>Rose pressed her lips tight together in an attempt to hide her amusement, but she could feel her lips turning up into a teasing grin despite herself as she met the Doctor's gaze and raised her eyebrows at him with a knowing look.</p><p>The Doctor's indignant expression fell into a scowl as he muttered something unintelligible under his breath and pointedly turned away from her once more. "They were not <em>stolen</em>," he insisted quietly. "They were <em>borrowed</em>."</p><p>"From who?" Rose asked as she finally set her half-eaten breakfast aside and grabbed the top layer of clothes from off of the pile next to her so that she could hold them up to herself experimentally. It looked like most of the things he had found would fit, more or less. They were mostly loose skirts and robes, so it wasn't as though she would need to be squeezing into any corsets or anything like that. Most of the materials were undyed tan colors to match the indistinct creams and browns that he wore himself, but there were a few red and burgundy accents mixed in as well.</p><p>"I do believe I mentioned that I wasn't living out here alone," the Doctor commented idly over his shoulder as she quietly perused his acquired goods. "There are other women living here who are about the same size as you, and I doubt that they will be too put out if they find a few odds and ends missing from their wardrobes."</p><p>"You never did say who they were to you," Rose reminded him as she stood to her feet and slowly began to sort through the clothes in a more purposeful manner in an attempt to find something that she might be able to use. "Are you all related, or ...?"</p><p>The Doctor flashed her a considering look from underneath his furrowed brows for a moment before turning sharply away form her and refocusing on the dimension cannon pieces in his hands.</p><p>"I suppose some of them would be what you humans would refer to as 'siblings'," he sighed warily, "though not all of us come from the same house, of course. We are from all sorts of different places, really, and I suspect that we all came here for very different reasons."</p><p>"Oh?" Rose continued curiously. "Care to share a few?"</p><p>"Well, I can't very well speak for any of the others," the Doctor mumbled awkwardly. "It's not something that we often discuss, you see. I don't claim to know their thoughts on the matter. I can only know my own mind."</p><p>"So?" Rose pressed. "Why are <em>you</em> out here in the middle of nowhere, then, Doctor?"</p><p>"I ... wanted some time away from the city," he replied haltingly. Rose could see from where she stood in the loft towering over him that he as fidgeting uncomfortably where he still sat on his stool. His fingers were moving restlessly, but not much work seemed to be getting done. "It's so crowded there - filled with so much movement, so much insufferable noise. My final tests to graduate from the Academy are fast approaching, and I suppose I just wanted a small break, of sorts, before I relegated myself to a desk for the next few months."</p><p>He paused for a moment to pass her another awkward, sidelong look over his shoulder as he added, "I don't quite know why I'm telling you all of this ..."</p><p>"Don't worry, I've had plenty of that," Rose assured him with an easy shrug. "Actually dropped out of school before I ever had the chance to finish. That was a long time ago. Though I suppose that had less to do with not wanting to study and more to do with ..."</p><p>She felt her lips thinning into a harsh, bitter line as the name that haunted her past rose in her throat and choked out all other words. She had thought that she had left Jimmy and his mess behind her long ago - far before she ever met the Doctor - but it seemed that some of that old hurt still lingered, even now.</p><p>"You could always go back," the Doctor suggested quietly.</p><p>When Rose glanced up to look at him once more, she could see that he was watching her with a guarded, assessing gaze.</p><p>"So could you," Rose teased with a sly smirk.</p><p>She shook her head dismissively and turned her back once more as she continued examining the clothes that she had laid out on the mattress before her. "Truthfully, I don't think it was ever really for me," she continued mildly. "Besides, I don't need all of that stuff, now. Not since I met the Doctor."</p><p>"What do you mean by that?"</p><p>Rose shrugged lightly as she fingered the fabric of one of her borrowed robes and replied, "He showed me a new way of living. He showed me the universe and took me to places I never even dreamed existed. I could never go back to a boring, normal life after all of that - not now that I know there's so much more out there."</p><p>"You make him sound like he's part of some sort of fairy tale," the Doctor mused quietly.</p><p>Rose breathed a small chuckle and shook her head once more. "I don't know. Maybe he is," she agreed quietly. "Always seemed a bit too good to be true, if I'm being honest."</p><p>When she glanced back over her shoulder again, she could see that the Doctor had completely abandoned all semblance of keeping his hands busy and was simply watching her now - some weighty, unnameable expression filling his face as he stared up at her.</p><p>"Turn around," Rose instructed him quietly.</p><p>"What? Why?" he demanded, his brows instantly furrowing in confusion.</p><p>"Because I'm going to change," she told him, pointedly raising her borrowed clothes in demonstration as she fixed him with a sly, teasing expression.</p><p>His furrowed brows immediately softened as understanding dawned on him and he awkwardly cleared his throat once more as he quickly turned his back to her and continued to pretend to work on the dimension cannon. Rose couldn't be sure due to the distance that lay between them, but she thought that the tips of his ears looked slightly more colored than they had been before, and she smirked at his back as she slowly began to remove her old clothes and pull the new ones on over her head.</p><p>"So, what exactly are you doing out here while you avoid your final exams?" Rose asked conversationally as she dressed. "How do you pass the time?"</p><p>"I do whatever I like," the Doctor replied cryptically. "No rules, no duties, no requirements."</p><p>Rose chuckled under her breath as she muttered, "Now <em>that</em> sounds like the Doctor I know."</p><p>"What about you?" he asked, pointedly ignoring her teasing words. "You still haven't told me what <em>you</em> do, my dear."</p><p>"That's because right now, my full-time job is tracking <em>you</em> down," she informed him simply. "Well, future you, anyway."</p><p>As soon as she had finished changing, Rose dutifully folded her old clothes into a small, neat pile and set them aside next to the bed. Her new outfit was a long, tan rob with high slits on either side that ran up as far as her thighs. She wore darker brown leggings underneath and a matching cropped, feminine waistcoat on top that was left hanging open and had a high, defined collar that shielded her neck and reached up to her chin. There was a long strip of burgundy fabric trimmed in dull gold that she didn't know what she was meant to do with, so she ended up wrapping it over her waist as a sort of belt to keep the whole thing fitted more closely to her figure.</p><p>"Seems a rather dull and pointless existence, if you ask me," the Doctor muttered as Rose finished cinching the red fabric around her waist and turned to look down at him once more. "Surely you must have better things to do other than chase an old man around through different dimensions?"</p><p>"Believe me, Doctor," Rose murmured warily, "finding your future self is of the utmost importance. Not just for me, but for everyone."</p><p>"But you said yourself that you have your family and a life back in the place where you come from," he continued insistently. "Surely you could be doing more there, with them, than you could running after a boring old Time Lord."</p><p>"Oh, you're many things, Doctor," she assured him with a small chuckle, "but <em>boring</em> has certainly never been one of them."</p><p>At this point, Rose had descended the ladder that led from the loft to the ground level. The Doctor was still sitting with his shoulders hunched up around his ears as he firmly faced the opposite direction from her. She took a moment to simply stand there and watch him, noting that his hands were suspiciously still as he stared hard at nothing and seemed to consider her words.</p><p>"Your words trouble me greatly, Jane," he muttered thoughtfully. "I think that you place far too much importance on this Doctor of yours. Surely he can't be worth all of that? I fear that he is not the hero that you think he is."</p><p>Rose cocked her head slightly as she critically examined the Doctor's tense posture. Once again, she was finally beginning to see the parallels that linked this young man to the Doctor that she had left behind eight-hundred years in the future. This man was just as unsure and insecure as hers had been - just as certain that she should focus her attentions elsewhere.</p><p>"As I said, he is many things," she muttered quietly.</p><p>The Doctor seemed to finally realize that her voice sounded closer than it had been earlier, and he twitched slightly as he turned on his stool to face her.</p><p>"I think he is far more than you realize," Rose continued as she pointedly met his gaze. "Perhaps he is far more than even he realizes."</p><p>She watched as a muscle in the young man's jaw twitched and he let his curious, pale gaze sweep slowly from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet and back again as though he were searching for something.</p><p>"Well?" Rose asked teasingly, sweeping her hands down her thighs and then placing her fists against her hips to show off her new wardrobe. "What do you think?"</p><p>The Doctor raised an imperious brow at her for a moment before he tilted his chin into the air and turned away from her once more. "It is sufficient," he muttered dismissively.</p><p>Rose couldn't help but smile fondly at the back of his head as she remembered a moment from her past when he had answered that question by excitedly proclaiming that she was beautiful. Despite the fact that he refused to repeat those words for her now, she could still see the same soft look in his eyes now as the one he had worn all those years ago when they had visited nineteenth-century Cardiff.</p><p>The similarities created a strange sort of discordance in Rose, but even stranger was the fact that she found that she <em>wanted</em> him to give her that small, verbal reassurance - something to prove that he saw her the same way now as he did all of those years ago in her past and his future. She <em>wanted</em> him to tell her she was beautiful - and she wanted to hear it from this Doctor, with his stern, antiquated speech and his hard, menacing scowl.</p><p>She told herself it was because she longed for something familiar that she could hold onto that would somehow link her to the man she loved who was trapped some eight-hundred years in the future, but she suspected that the truth was far simpler and far more dangerous than that.</p><p></p><div class="center">
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  <em>I continue to be baffled by this man who she speaks of with such heartsbreaking fondness. Is he truly all that she claims? Or is she simply blinded by her own ardor? I do not know which thought is more terrifying.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am determined to uncover the truth of this relationship that I seem to share with her at some point in my future. I need to know the depth and breadth of it. I need to measure its dimensions. I need to uncover its purpose if I'm ever going to puzzle out how such an error could have happened.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Doctor spent most of the rest of the day hard at work testing the different components of the dimension cannon and attempting to cobble together a patch that would work as a substitute for the parts that had been burnt out upon Rose's landing on Gallifrey.  Rose hovered near him while he worked, silently recounting all the times in her past when she had kept the Doctor company while he spent a day distracting himself with TARDIS repairs.  She quickly fell into the same role that she had always played back then as well - finding parts in his mess, retrieving pieces for him, and holding things whenever he needed a spare set of hands.</p><p>"You still have yet to answer my question, you know," the Doctor reminded her as they kept up an easy, companionable chatter between them.  "What is it that you do in this place where you come from?  You mentioned that you went to school, once - but you've clearly moved on to bigger and better things since then.  Do you have a job?  A career?  What sorts of jobs do humans even <i>do</i> in your time?"</p><p>"I <i>had</i> a job, a long time ago," Rose replied, flashing him a small smile that he completely missed as he hunched over his work in concentration.  "You sort of ... blew it up when we first met, though."</p><p>The Doctor's hands stilled as he turned to look at her with wide eyes and raised brows that suggested that he was quite shocked by this information, but he didn't dare try to dispute it.  "My, my, well that is ... troubling information, indeed," he muttered thoughtfully as he turned his gaze back to his work once more.</p><p>"Is that how we were introduced, then?" he continued after a moment of contemplation.  "I'm attempting to work out how I could have possibly come to be on Earth and in the company of one such as yourself, dear Jane.  Surely you can divulge at least <i>that</i> much information.  Are you my ... assistant?  Hired help?  Housekeeper?"</p><p>Rose snorted loudly in amusement, though she flashed him a sharp look from across the table to let him know that his assumptions were very far off-base and not entirely appreciated.</p><p>The Doctor responded to her silent rebuttal with a snide look of his own as he looked down his nose at her in annoyance and asked, "Well, what is it, then?"</p><p>"I think, when we first met, you probably would have called me your companion," Rose replied slowly.</p><p>"<i>Companion</i>?" the Doctor repeated, his expression screwing up into one of dubious disbelief as he nearly dropped the tools in his hands and stared up at her in horror.  "Surely you can't be serious.  <i>Me</i>?  With ... with <i>you</i>?"</p><p>Once more, Rose's dark, deadpan expression was answer enough to let the Doctor know that she was not amused by this response.  He cleared his throat awkwardly as he turned away from her glare and stared at the dimension cannon once more with a look of complete bafflement.</p><p>"I'm sure that you will find such a response <i>rude</i>, of course, but come now, Jane, look at it from <i>my</i> perspective," he muttered awkwardly.  "I'm a <i>Time Lord</i>, and you're a ..."</p><p>"What?  A 'stupid ape'?" Rose snapped challengingly.</p><p>"Well ..." the Doctor replied, raising his brows at her in a look that suggested that he was trying to find a more delicate way to agree with her harsh words.</p><p>"You really don't change, do you?" Rose growled as she hastily threw down the tools she had been holding for him and shoved herself away from the table in anger.</p><p>The Doctor was silent for a moment, and even though Rose refused to look in his direction, she had the distinct impression that he was watching her carefully as she stalked a few feet away, crossed her arms firmly against her chest, and glared at nothing.</p><p>She knew that there was no way that he could possibly understand the hurt that his words caused, but Rose had spent far too many years doubting the Doctor's true feelings towards her, and to have any version of himself - even a past one - dispute his affections cut her deeper than she cared to admit.</p><p>"You ... you said this is how I refer to you when we first meet," the Doctor muttered haltingly, clearly struggling with his words as he attempted to clear the tense air that had fallen between them.  "Would I be correct in assuming that this relationship has ... changed at some point during our time together?"</p><p>Rose bit her lip as her glare melted into a look of quiet frustration, but she still refused to meet his eye as she replied, "Yes, I suppose.  Well ... no.  Oh, I don't know."</p><p>"Right ..." the Doctor sighed, seeming to struggle to piece together her strange, conflicting answer.</p><p>"We've been separated for a while, now," Rose explained slowly, still nervously chewing her bottom lip as she worried over how much she could safely tell him.  "It wasn't something that either of us chose, it just ... happened.  The Doctor left before he had the chance to tell me how he really felt, but I thought ..."  Her words trailed off into silence and she shook her head slightly as she stared dejectedly down at her shoes once more.</p><p>"This is ... quite startling news ..." the Doctor replied awkwardly after another brief silence passed between them.  "Quite startling news, indeed.  I think you are rather mistaken in your declaration that I have not changed, dear Jane."</p><p>"What makes you say that?" Rose asked, finally turning to glance back at him over her shoulder once more.  She could see that his brow was furrowed in thought as he bent over his work table.  The sidelong look that he fixed on her was filled with hesitant curiosity.</p><p>"I do not think ..." he attempted nervously.  "That is, I think it would be very difficult for the person who I am today to form an ... <i>attachment</i> such as that."</p><p>"Oh?" Rose replied teasingly as she turned to fully face him once more.  She flashed him a flirtatious smirk as she asked, "What, are you saying that you've never even tried?  Are we really <i>that</i> early in your timeline?"</p><p>"I'm sure I don't know what you're attempting to imply," the Doctor sniffed imperiously.</p><p>"I've spent quite a bit of time with your future selves, Doctor," Rose reminded him with a sly, tongue-touched smile.  "I know how you like to get around, no matter which regeneration you might be in."</p><p>Rose's grin faltered slightly as she watched the Doctor's eyes go wide in response to her words and he stared at her in silent shock for a few moments.  "What?" she asked hesitantly.</p><p>"You ... you said 'selves'," he replied slowly.  "And ... it seems that you know about regeneration."</p><p>"Yep," Rose agreed, fixing him with another unamused look as she finally rejoined him back at his work table once more and added, "No warning from you before-hand, either.  Talk about throwing someone into the deep end ..."</p><p>The Doctor's tools had gone still again as he stared hard at the empty barn wall before him and silently attempted to digest this information.</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes and flashed him another playful grin as she reached forward without a second thought and attempted to touch her hand to his in a reassuring gesture.  However, her thoughtless, simple action was cut short when the Doctor gave a sharp, startled gasp and awkwardly jerked away from her touch.  His tools dropped and clattered loudly against the wooden table before him.  He reacted as though she had burned him.</p><p>Rose's teasing smile immediately melted from her features as she matched his wide-eyed look of shock and the two of them simply sat and stared at one another for a long, awkward moment.</p><p>"I ... I'm sorry," Rose muttered hesitantly.  "I didn't mean to ..."</p><p>"Nevermind," the Doctor cut her off abruptly, waving the hand that she had attempted to take in the air in a dismissive motion and purposefully turning back to his work once more, as though that would be enough to distract him from the tense moment that had just passed between them.  "It doesn't matter.  You'll have to forgive me, Jane.  I'm simply not accustomed to such ... <i>intimacy</i>."</p><p>"Oh," Rose replied as she nervously watched him out of the corner of her eye.  She slowly returned to her stool at the opposite end of the table so that she could subtly allow him his space.  "I'm sorry, I didn't know it would be so uncomfortable for you.  I didn't think ..."</p><p>"Tell me, is it common practice for you to go around taking people's hands unprompted like that?" the Doctor asked, his voice going slightly high with nerves and undermining the commanding tone he was attempting to put on.  Rose could also see the apprehension lurking in his eyes as he did his best to glare at her in disapproval.</p><p>"Yes," Rose replied honestly, continuing to watch him curiously as he began fiddling with his tools once more.  "Me and the Doctor, it's ... it's just sort of what we <i>did</i>," she went on haltingly.  "He never said ...  Well, he never seemed to mind, before."</p><p>"Well, it's rather <i>forward</i>, don't you think?" the Doctor asked pointedly.  "I can't imagine what could happen to me in the future that would convince me to allow such ... <i>indulgences</i>."</p><p>"Actually, it was <i>you</i> who took <i>my</i> hand first," Rose explained mildly.</p><p>"I <i>what</i>?" the Doctor snapped in utter disbelief.</p><p>"It was the first thing you did.  To be fair, we <i>were</i> running for our lives, at the time," Rose admitted.  "It was sort of a 'in the heat of the moment' thing, I think."</p><p>She had expected her easy explanation to soften the look of wide-eyed shock on the Doctor's face, but it seemed that the more she told him, the more confused he became.  "Is it really that big of a deal?" she asked hesitantly.</p><p>"Has he not explained?" the Doctor breathed in utter disbelief.  "Is it really possible for you two to be as close as you claim to be in the future without him telling you?  Although, I suppose, certain allowances might be made considering you're a ..."</p><p>"What?" Rose asked as she watched the Doctor's gaze slide hesitantly towards hers once more.</p><p>He cleared his throat awkwardly before he put on a forced, matter-of-fact tone and explained, "Time Lords are touch telepaths, Jane.  It is not common practice here on Gallifrey to simply go about showing such obvious displays of affection.  I suppose one might even consider it <i>solicitation</i> to simply take another person's hand in public like that with no warning.  However, I'm assuming that my future self has allowed such indulgences due to your alien nature and the way that humans often seek physical comfort even from those who they are not necessarily emotionally attached to."</p><p>"Right," Rose muttered through tightly-clenched teeth as she glared down at the wooden table beneath her hands and refused once more to meet his eye.</p><p>The touch telepathy was not new information to her, but she had never seen the Doctor make such a big deal about it before.  She had no idea that hand-holding held so many unspoken implications for him.  But the way that this past version of himself simply wrote the entire situation off due to her alien nature hurt more than she cared to admit.  How could she possibly explain to him that she actually <i>wanted</i> all of those secret, little intimacies that he was implying?  She had already revealed far too much already, without revealing this one, monumental truth as well.</p><p>"You would do well to keep your physical touches to a minimum during your stay here on Gallifrey," the Doctor went on, completely oblivious to Rose's silent frustration and heartache.  "They will not be welcome, nor reciprocated.  We can't have you going and causing a scandal, now can we?"</p><p>Rose opened her mouth to assure him that he needn't worry - his harsh rebuke of her friendly advances had been understood loud and clear - but her words were cut off as the Doctor continued to mutter under his breath, "What could <i>possibly</i> happen to me in the next eight-hundred years that could ever convince me to permit such ... <i>familiarity</i> with someone?  And with an <i>alien</i>, of all things?"</p><p>Rose could feel her teeth grinding together in frustration once more as she roughly pushed away from the table again and crossed to the opposite end of the room so that she could put as much distance between herself and the Doctor's rude, hurtful words as possible.</p><p>"I'm sorry," she muttered lowly over her shoulder.  "I didn't know that the idea would be so <i>disgusting</i> to you.  You don't need to worry, though - I won't be trying it again anytime soon."</p><p>She shook her head as she braced her hands against the wooden table before her and gazed through the wood slats of the barn wall to stare out at the Gallifreyan flatlands beyond.  She had thought herself lucky to find the Doctor here against all the odds, but now she was beginning to reconsider her stance on the matter.  He was far more difficult at this young age than he had ever been when she had known him in the future.</p><p>"Just ... focus on getting that dimension cannon fixed," she demanded quietly.  "I'm ready to go home.  There's still so much work that needs to be done."</p><p>"Work that will no doubt lead you back to the Doctor?" he guessed awkwardly.</p><p>"Yes," Rose replied simply.  "I need to find him - now, more than ever."  she heaved a heavy sigh as she let her eyes slip closed and hung her head in a look of defeat.  "I need him," she repeated, her voice little more than a whisper.  "My Doctor ..."</p><p>Another leaden silence fell between them before a small, hesitant voice spoke up from behind her.  "I'm sorry, Jane."</p><p>When she turned to glance at him over her shoulder, Rose saw that the Doctor had turned on his stool to face her and was staring hard at some invisible point on the ground between them.  His hands were still once more, but he was clutching his tools in tight, anxious fists as his brows furrowed over his changeable, moody eyes.</p><p>"I truly did not mean to offend you in any way," he assured her quietly.  "You simply ... took me a bit by surprise."  When he raised his gaze to meet hers again, his pale eyes were softer than Rose had seen them yet as he watched her with a hesitant, unsure expression.  "I do not pretend to understand this relationship that you have with my future self, but I can see that it is something that is dearly important to you.  I wish that I could reassure you about it in some way, but I simply ... cannot bring myself to grasp the concept."</p><p>Rose made sure to meet his gaze as she flashed him a small, forgiving smile, but she still didn't turn and rejoin him at his work table.  Instead, she returned her gaze once more to the alien plain outside as she shook her head and muttered ruefully, "Well, there's one more thing that apparently doesn't change.  You're no better at understanding these sorts of things in the future, either."</p><p>"It's a wonder that you bother to put up with me at all," the Doctor replied sarcastically as he went back to his work once more and left her to her silent ruminations.</p><p>"Yeah," Rose sighed in resignation.  Then, whispered quietly under her breath, she added, "You're worth it, though."</p>
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</div><i>I knew from the start that she was dangerous, but I never could have imagined this - it's a whole new type of danger.  It's clear now why she has insisted on hiding so much of herself from me - it's because so much of her life is tangled up in my own.</i><p>
  <i>I should have known from the first moment I saw the bright, golden trails of her timeline caught up in swirling, tantalizing patterns all along my past, present, and future.  This girl is a part of me - an established event from my future who I still haven't met yet.</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the end of Rose's second day on Gallifrey, the Doctor had her dimension cannon completely stripped down to its smallest parts and was slowly beginning to rebuild it from scratch.</p><p>"You're <em>sure</em> you can get this thing to take me back home again?" Rose asked suspiciously as she eyed the disassembled pieces and felt her anxieties begin to swell once more.</p><p>"Yes, yes, quite sure," the Doctor assured her blithely as he narrowed his gaze on a particularly small component and began to poke at it experimentally with one of his tools.</p><p>"You're lucky the rest of my team isn't here to see you do this," Rose commented warily. "I think they'd probably have a hard time keeping themselves from strangling you. Most of them have put their entire life's work into this thing, and you've managed to reduce it back to screws and wires."</p><p>"Well, if you had had <em>me</em> on the team to begin with, then it wouldn't have taken nearly as long, now would it?" the Doctor insisted proudly. "I'm a Time Lord, Jane. I do know a thing or two about traveling between different dimensions. No wonder it took your species so long to reach space ..."</p><p>"Alright, <em>Time Lord</em>," Rose muttered snidely, fighting through a weary yawn as she spoke. "That's all well and good, but even <em>you</em> need your rest. Come one, it's been a long day. Why don't you take a break? You haven't set that thing down for more than a few seconds all day."</p><p>The two of them had spent the entire day alternating between his work tables, with the Doctor only stepping away long enough to bring them fresh provisions whenever Rose's growling stomach demanded more sustenance. When the suns had finally set outside, he had lit the barn from within with a collection of plain white candles that were mounted sporadically around the walls and across his work tables. Rose had found it all surprisingly low-tech and rustic, but it gave the interior of the barn a warm, comforting glow that put her at ease.</p><p>"Don't worry about me, dear Jane, I assure you that I'm quite fine," the Doctor replied dismissively. "I don't need nearly as much rest as your species does. You see, we've evolved to the point where ..."</p><p>"Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before," Rose cut him off. "I know all about your 'superior physiology'. But even <em>you</em>, young Time Lord, need to rest every now and then."</p><p>Rose had expected the Doctor to flash her another harsh, unamused glare, but she was shocked into silence when a smile slipped over his features instead and he let out a soft, genuine chuckle of laughter. The transformation that the one, small gesture had on his expression was startling to say the least as everything about him seemed to lighten all at once. This body that he was currently in was the closest that the Doctor had ever been to Rose's own age, but for the first time since she had met him, he actually looked it.</p><p>She didn't realize that she was staring until he glanced up in confusion at her sudden silence and the smile slowly fell from his features as his expression slipped into one of concern. "Jane?" he asked slowly. "Are you quite alright?"</p><p>"Yeah," she breathed quietly as she continued to watch him carefully.</p><p>"You look as though you've seen a ghost," he insisted as he bent forward and furrowed his brow at her in an assessing look.</p><p>"Maybe I have," she muttered, blinking hard and forcing herself to look away from him before she became too lost in the depths of his bright, mysterious eyes. "You look more like him when you smile," she admitted quietly as she fidgeted idly with one of the dimension cannon pieces that was sitting nearest to her.</p><p>"Like who, my dear?"</p><p>"The Doctor." Rose met his gaze once more as she spoke his name, and she couldn't quite suppress the small shiver that slid down her spine as she looked deep into those alien eyes that were at once ancient and youthful, light and dark, open and closed all at the same time. In his changeable eyes, she was nearly certain that she could see hints of the man he would become one day - the man who she desperately needed to get back to.</p><p>"I <em>am</em> the Doctor," he informed her quietly, some great, unnameable emotion flitting across his features as he met her gaze evenly and didn't dare to so much as blink.</p><p>"Yeah," Rose breathed once more. "You are."</p><p>She watched him in silence, completely enraptured as his sharp, penetrating gaze seemed to look right through her. She wondered if he was able to see all of the things that she was desperately attempting to keep hidden from him. His brow furrowed once more in concentration, the tense line of his mouth making Rose miss the small, light-hearted smile that she had been gifted with just a few moments ago.</p><p>"Why did you choose that name?" she asked, the sudden need to break his concentration and interrupt his darkening expression overwhelming her and making her blurt out the first question that came to her mind.</p><p>The Doctor raised a dubious brow at her before breathing a small sigh and returning to the abandoned pieces before him once more. "Why did <em>you</em> choose Jane?" he replied evasively.</p><p>"It's short, common, and easy to remember," Rose answered simply. "Sort of like <em>John<em>."</em></em></p><p>The Doctor rewarded her teasing response with another small smile, though this one was more tense and guarded around the edges than the first one had been.</p><p>"It just came to me one day," he admitted slowly, "while I was studying Earth, actually. I liked the way it sounded." He paused for a moment as he fiddled with his tools and then continued, "It's quite sophisticated, don't you think? A title that's well-respected on Earth. But I think it also indicates a man who is well-studied - someone with knowledge and wisdom. And I do believe that it is associated with a certain caring nature. I have always liked the idea of helping those in need. It seemed a suitable enough title at the time."</p><p>When Rose didn't make an immediate response to this declaration, he flashed her a nervous, sidelong look and asked, "What do you think? Is it a good choice?"</p><p>"Yes," she replied easily, her heart melting for the young man before her who was still so young, so inexperienced, and so filled with hope. "I think it's a very good choice, Doctor. It's a name you'll grow into quite well, I think."</p><p>"Good. I certainly hope so," the Doctor replied, the hint of another soft, sincere smile turning up his features again as he dutifully went back to his work once more. However, he couldn't simply leave the subjected without adding sarcastically, "Now, as far as '<em>Jane</em>' goes, I really do think you could come up with a better alias, my dear."</p><p>"Oh?" Rose asked, curious to see what else he had to say on the matter. The Doctor had always had a tendency to be a bit indelicate whenever he was addressing others - especially whenever personal matters were involved. She wanted to see if he was still just as "rude and not ginger" as he always was. "Well go on, then. Do you have a better name for me?"</p><p>The Doctor's brow furrowed once more on his work as he made a soft, considering noise in the back of his throat. "'Jane' is too simple, too pretty, too demure for one such as yourself," he stated definitively.</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes in exasperation as she struggled not to be shocked by his inability to show even the slightest bit of subtlety. She was about to open her mouth and chastise him about it when he continued thoughtfully, "Your name should be something easy and familiar - something that rolls off the tongue but still manages to have a wild, untamed nature to it. Like the suns burning in the sky - necessary for life, but dangerous if one gets too close. Or maybe something like 'Arkytior' - a wildflower that boasts vibrant colors but has sharp, protective thorns that keep any unwanted dangers at bay. A plant that thrives in the shadows of the forest but brings light to any place where it blooms. Yes, that would suit you much better, I think."</p><p>His considering words had shocked Rose into silence once more. She found that she was staring again as she took in his thoughtful, honest expression and understood that he meant every single word that he was speaking, whether he was entirely aware of it or not. It suddenly occurred to her that she was far worse at lying than she realized if this young man was so easily able to see right through her and uncover all of the secrets that he wasn't meant to know for another eight-hundred years at least. She was going to need to learn to be more careful if she didn't want any disastrous paradoxes to come crashing down around their heads.</p><p>"Well," she finally replied, her voice crackling slightly as she forced her words over the sudden lump in her throat, "let's be glad that my name isn't really Jane, then, eh?"</p><p>The Doctor made another considering hum as he nodded distractedly and continued fiddling with his work. He hadn't looked up to meet her eyes or survey her expression once during his quiet speech or Rose's subsequent moment of shocked silence. He simply continued to fuss and tinker as he always did, not bothering to examine the powerful effect that his words had had on her.</p><p>"Anyway," Rose continued after she had awkwardly cleared her throat and set the pieces that she had been idly fiddling with back on the table before her, "I really do think I should get some sleep. You already seem to know how useless humans can be without their rest, and I'm worse than most if I don't get at least a good six hours."</p><p>"Right, good, go on, then," the Doctor replied dismissively as he continued to steadily avoid her gaze. "You go and get your rest. Not to worry, I'll be here working."</p><p>"Would you at least <em>try </em>to take a break at some point?" Rose asked as she warily stood to her feet and reached up to stretch her back, which had grown stiff from sitting for so long hunched over the work table.</p><p>The Doctor heaved a weary sigh and rolled his eyes at the pieces he was fiddling with as he muttered, "Yes, yes, if it will put your mind at ease and cease your incessant nagging, then I promise I'll take a break at some point. Now, off to bed with you!"</p><p>Rose knew that it was the best response that she was likely to get out of him, so she rolled her eyes at him in return before she turned to climb the small ladder that led up to the loft where her borrowed bed was kept.</p><p>She unwound the length of fabric that she had fashioned into a belt earlier that morning, and set aside the high-necked waistcoat before slipping beneath the sheets in her leggings and robes and heaving a small, contented sigh as she settled in for the night.</p><p>She had just managed to close her eyes and was beginning to focus on sleep when she was interrupted by a small, whispered voice coming from behind her.</p><p>"Jane?" the Doctor called out to her curiously.</p><p>"Yes, Doctor?" Rose whispered back just as quietly.</p><p>"Can I ask you a question?"</p><p>"I think you already have," she replied sarcastically.</p><p>She could hear him fidgeting uncomfortably from somewhere below her before he continued hesitantly, "You seem to know a lot about me in the future. Is it possible ... have I ever told you my<em> true</em> name?"</p><p>The sudden, unexpected question felt like a tangible substance as it settled in the space between them. Rose's eyes were no longer shut as she stared at the bare wall before her in shocked silence, unsure of how to answer him.</p><p>"You're the Doctor," she stated after a moment's hesitation. "That's all the name I've ever needed for you."</p><p>"You mean you've never even asked what my real name is?" he questioned quietly. "Have you never even brought it up with the Doctor you know? Did it never occur to you to question him?"</p><p>"No," Rose answered honestly. "He's just ... the Doctor. My Doctor."</p><p>Another silence fell between them before Rose turned slightly and asked, "Is it important, your name? Is there a reason I should have asked?"</p><p>"No," he replied, though his answer came out a bit too sudden to be entirely believable. "It's not important. You're right. I apologize for even bringing it up. Get some sleep, Jane."</p><p>Rose could feel her brow furrowing in confusion as he fell silent once more. When it was clear that he wasn't going to elaborate any further, she turned completely so that she was lying on her side and looking over the loft edge where she could see him bent studiously over the pieces of the dimension cannon below. His brow was furrowed once more in concentration, but Rose thought that there was a particularly strained look in his eye as he scowled down at his work.</p><p>She ended up falling asleep watching him, her eyelids eventually drifting shut and her consciousness slowly ebbing away to the sounds of his tinkering and whispered mutterings. She wasn't sure if he ever ended up keeping his word to take a break and get some rest that evening, but Rose was certain that there was one point in the night when she rolled over in her sleep to find the barn covered in a thick layer of darkness and the Doctor's work table completely abandoned.</p><p>She had no idea where he had wandered off to, but she could only hope that he had managed to find some place to lay his head for a few hours. It didn't occur to her until that moment when her brain was clouded over with sleep that there was only one bed in the barn, and she was currently occupying it.</p><p>As she twisted her body into a more comfortable position, Rose pulled the sheets tight around herself and attempted to pretend that the Doctor was still there with her. They had shared beds before during their travels in the TARDIS in the past. During her time of being trapped in her parallel world, Rose had bitterly missed the safe, familiar feeling of having the man who she loved wrapped tight around her whenever they had been through a particularly harrowing adventure. She had thought that whenever she eventually managed to find the Doctor again, things would just go right back to normal, as though she had never left in the first place. Maybe she could even return to having his comforting presence there beside her whenever she slept.</p><p>Unfortunately, her dimensions cannon seemed to have other ideas, and she had ended up here instead - with a man who boasted the same name as her precious Doctor, but had far more stipulations about physical contact and emotional attachments. Rose wondered sleepily if she would ever get to enjoy the sensation of falling asleep in the Doctor's arms again.</p><p>She pulled the bed sheets even tighter over her shoulders as she curled in around herself and attempted not to cry as the gloomy, heartbreaking thought lulled her back into sleep.</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p>
  <em>Each time I am forced to use her fake name, I can feel it sticking in my throat and hesitating on the tip of my tongue. I was not lying to her when I claimed it did not suit her at all.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There is a name far more true and far more dangerous, and sometimes I swear that I can almost taste it in my mouth when I look at her. It is always there - just out of reach, begging to be used. I wonder if I will actually have to wait eight-hundred years to finally speak it out loud.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Have you ever left Gallifrey before?"</p><p>The question came to Rose late the next morning while she sat at the top of the barn loft with her feet dangling loosely over the edge.  She kicked her legs lazily back and forth through the empty air as she leisurely polished off the last of the thermos of tea that the Doctor had brought with her breakfast (which, incidentally, was quickly become her new favorite thing to drink - she was going through at least two thermoses a day at this point in an attempt to enjoy the commodity while it lasted, since she knew that it would be impossible to recreate once she eventually left Gallifrey).</p><p>The Doctor, meanwhile, was already bent back over his work at the table below once more, welding new pieces into the dimension cannon's framework while his pesky human guest became properly satiated.</p><p>"Of course I've left Gallifrey before," he replied without bothering to turn and meet her assessing gaze.  "Really, now, what do you take me for, Jane?  Some kind of uncultured heathen?  I've done plenty of field work and independent study throughout this galaxy.  You can't very well graduate from the Time Lord Academy without having some degree of experience under your belt.  Why do you ask?"</p><p>"It's just ... I'm not used to seeing you stay in one place for so long," Rose murmured with a small shrug as she gazed down into the depths of her remaining tea with a considering expression.  "The Doctor I knew could hardly be forced to sit still for more than a day or two, let alone keep himself trapped in a small room with nothing but a single, boring human for company."</p><p>"Who said you were boring?" the Doctor replied mildly.  "I'm sure I never mentioned anything of the sort.  Besides, it's not as if I have much choice in the matter, now do I?  You've made the urgency of your mission quite clear, dear Jane.  We must get you back to the Doctor as soon as possible to stop whatever calamity it is that is threatening either or both of you before it becomes too late."</p><p>Rose hummed quietly in agreement as she continued to nurse her morning dose of caffeine and gazed distractedly out at the thin slivers of Gallifreyan landscape that she could make out through the cracks in the barn wall before her.</p><p>"You never told me much about your home planet before," she admitted quietly.  "You never mentioned how beautiful it was."</p><p>As soon as the words left her lips, Rose immediately regretted them.  She hadn't meant to refer to his home planet in the past tense, and she bit down hard on her lip and silently berated herself as she realized her mistake.</p><p>She had warmed to this Doctor considerably over the past few days, and she liked to think that he was beginning to show a certain amount of fondness for her in return.  However, she couldn't allow herself to become lax with him.  The wrong word at the wrong moment could spell disaster for them all.</p><p>However, the Doctor didn't seem to catch her misphrase as he squinted at the tiny pieces in his hand and muttered distractedly, "Is it?  Yes, I suppose you're right.  To an outsider such as yourself Gallifrey must appear very grand indeed.  Mind you, there's not much to look at out here in the drylands.  I'm afraid that you've been grated a rather poor representation of all that this planet has to offer, my dear."</p><p>"Well what else is there?" Rose asked with eager curiosity.  "Can you show me?"</p><p>The Doctor glanced up at her for the first time since she had woken up, his expression dubious as he quietly assessed her features.  "You're not serious, are you?" he asked slowly.  "Surely you don't care to spend your precious time traipsing around this old, dusty rock?  I've had my fair share of adventures, after all, but I fear that they no doubt pale in comparison to the things that you've seen, Jane.  Gallifrey would be rather basic and boring indeed for a time traveler such as yourself."</p><p>"No it isn't!" Rose insisted, the sharp defensiveness in her tone surprising them both as she vehemently protested the Doctor's negative appraisal of his own home.  Of course, she couldn't warn him that he would one day grow to miss these rolling hills and valleys - his appreciation for his origins coming only after they were leveled to ash and dust and he was unable to ever visit them again.</p><p>Rose set her jaw stubbornly as she met his gaze and stated as firmly as possible, "Your planet is beautiful, Doctor, and I want to know more about it.  And even if it wasn't, it would be special, because ... well, it's where you come from."</p><p>"Right ..."  The Doctor cleared his throat awkwardly as he attempted to return to the dimension cannon in his hands.  However, he continued to flash her curious, sidelong glances as though he still couldn't quite work out the purpose of her questioning.  "Well ... how much do you know already?"</p><p>"Not much," Rose admitted.  "My Doctor, he ... doesn't like to talk about it."</p><p>"Indeed," the Doctor commented wryly.  "I'm certain that he has much better things to do than worry about a bunch of stuffy old Time Lords.  In my experience, at least, there's not much more to this place, you see.  I went into the Academy at the age of eight, and I've done nothing but study and work ever since."</p><p>"One-hundred years of school?" Rose asked in disbelief.  "Blimey, I'm starting to see why you hated it so much."</p><p>The Doctor chuckled lightly in agreement, but he was shaking his head warily as he replied, "It takes others far longer, of course.  Some people never leave.  They spend lifetimes just wandering around the Citadel reading and studying their dusty, old tomes and living vicariously through the adventures and experiences of others."</p><p>"Yep," Rose piped up decisively.  "I can <i>definitely</i> see why you left.  I can't imagine you ever being satisfied with a life like that."</p><p>"I must admit that I wasn't aware that there were many other alternative options," the Doctor mused quietly as he set aside the wires he had been fiddling with and moved on to a few minuscule circuit boards instead.  "That is, until you came along, dear Jane, and revealed that there is much more in my future to look forward to.  I won't bother asking how, since I know that you will only give me that worried little frown of yours, but somehow, someday, it seems that I manage to escape from this place and explore the stars."</p><p>Rose tilted her head to her shoulder as she leaned back on her hands and simply watched him with a soft, affectionate smile on her face.  For just a moment, she allowed herself to imagine the great, wide universe from his perspective - all of it unexplored and just waiting to be discovered.  It was the same way that she had felt when she had first stepped into the TARDIS all those years ago.  What amazed her was the fact that, even after eight centuries of time and space, the Doctor in her time still managed to hold onto a small shred of that same childlike wonder.</p><p>"Will you show me?" Rose asked curiously.</p><p>The Doctor turned to look at her again, a small smile turning up his features as he eagerly indulged her.  "Show you what?"</p><p>"Gallifrey," she clarified simply.</p><p>Something heavy and unexpected twisted in her gut as the soft, easy smile on the Doctor's face suddenly fell into a guarded frown.  He shook his head as he turned back to the dimension cannon once more.  "I do not think that would be wise, Jane."</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>"Because it's too dangerous," he explained sternly.  "I do not think that I would be able to protect you if someone happened to realize that you are an unauthorized alien visitor.  No, I think it would be much safer if you simply stayed here until the dimension cannon is complete."</p><p>"Oh, come one, Doctor," Rose pleaded, throwing her hands up in the air and gesturing to the empty landscape around them.  "Just take a look out there - there's no one else around for miles!  We're in the middle of nowhere out here, surely there's somewhere we can go where no one will accidentally run into us and I can at least have a chance to see a bit of the sights?"</p><p>"No, I don't think so," he insisted resolutely.  He flashed her an irritated scowl from over his shoulder as he added, "If you're so keen to see Gallifrey, why haven't you ever asked me before?  The future me, I mean?  Surely there were plenty of moments in your timeline when your Doctor could have indulged your wishes and stopped by for a quick visit?  He would have worked out a way to keep you hidden, I'm sure."</p><p>Rose dropped her gaze to stare down guiltily at her hands in her lap.  She couldn't possibly tell him the truth - that Gallifrey was gone and they had both lost their chance of ever having the chance to see it again (at least, that's what she'd <i>thought</i>, until the dimension cannon had somehow brought her here against all the odds).</p><p>However, she decided that there <i>was</i> another answer that she could give him - one that was still just as true, even if it wasn't the response that he was looking for.</p><p>"I ... want to see it with you," she muttered nervously.  "I want to see the places that are a part of your life - right now, as you are.  I want to know more about you."</p><p>She might as well have admitted to him that his entire planet and all of his people would one day be lost, considering the frozen look of complete bafflement that he stared up at her with.</p><p>"Why?" he finally asked.</p><p>Rose offered him an affectionate smile as she drew her legs up from the edge of the loft and rose to her full height once more.  She dusted off her hands against her skirts as she looked down on him for a moment in consideration before finally responding, "Because I like you, Doctor, and I think I would like to be your friend.  And friends tell each other about themselves."</p><p>"Oh, do they, now?" he replied sarcastically, his tone confident despite the way that he continued to track her every movement with wide, nervous eyes.  "How very interesting.  Well, if we're going to be telling each other things about ourselves, why don't we start with the basics, hmm?  Would you like to tell me your real name?"</p><p>Rose's smile widened into a wry grin as she slowly shook her head at him and turned to descend the ladder that led from the loft to the ground floor.  "As your <i>friend</i>, Doctor, I would hate to ruin our relationship by throwing us into a paradox and ruining our chances of knowing anything about each other at all," she reminded him pointedly as she went.</p><p>"Ah, yes, of course," he replied teasingly.  "Quite right, Jane, quite right."</p><p>He had turned back to his work by the time she had reached the ground level of the barn, but he was smiling that youthful, carefree smile again and it was doing strange things to Rose's pulse as she turned to examine his profile.</p><p>"So?" she asked leadingly as she stepped up behind him and peered over his shoulder expectantly.  "What do you say?  Can we take a break from all of this repair work and go see the sights?"</p><p>The Doctor made a considering noise in the back of his throat as he pretended to ignore the way that she was hovering around him like an eager child searching for a sweet.</p><p>"I will take the matter into consideration," he finally stated.  "I do not think it would be safe to venture out when there is any likelihood that we might run into someone.  Perhaps we should wait until dark ..."</p><p>"Oh, come on, Doctor, that's not fair," Rose whined petulantly.  "I want to really explore the place - you can't do that in the dark."</p><p>"Perhaps <i>you</i> can't," the Doctor muttered wryly.  "You humans and your ridiculously dull senses - I really have no idea how you manage to get around the way that you do ..."</p><p>"Doctor," Rose cut him off, her tone pleading and demanding all at once as she interrupted his rude tangent and urged him to focus on the subject at hand.</p><p>He heaved a weary sigh, his shoulders visibly sagging as he lowered his hands and dropped the pieces he had been fiddling with back on the table before him.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Jane," he muttered as he turned on his stool to face her once more.  "It's just not safe."  His pale eyes showed true remorse as he met her gaze and seemed to struggle to hold onto his conviction in the face of her pleading expression.</p><p>Sitting on the stool before her as he was, he sat a few inches shorter than her, and Rose was sorely tempted by the raw, instinctual desire that urged her to reach out and touch him in some way.  If they were in her timeline and he could actually remember who she was, she might have been able to take his hand or wrap her arms around his neck in a tight, desperate hug.  Now, she was forced to simply clasp her hands behind her back and bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from doing something foolish like lean forward and let her fingers run through the light brown hair on the back of his head.</p><p>"Please, Jane," he continued quietly.  "Promise me that you won't go wandering off.  I assure you I only have your best interest at heart."</p><p>Rose frowned at him for a moment, her expression warring between grim acceptance and pleading disapproval before she finally heaved a small sigh and replied, "Fine.  I'll stay here."</p><p>The Doctor gave her a single, small nod of gratitude before he turned his back on her to face the pieces of the dimension cannon once more.  "I can assure you you're not missing much," he muttered wryly.  "But if you really are insistent on seeing more of Gallifrey, I'm certain that my future self will indulge you as soon as you manage to get back to him."</p><p>"Yeah, maybe," Rose muttered noncommittally as she stepped forward to hover at his side once more and silently peruse his work.</p><p>The pieces of her dimension-traveling device were slowly coming back together again, though it still didn't look anything like the small, compact piece of machinery that she was used to wearing around her wrist whenever she traveled between worlds.</p><p>"What do you think?" the Doctor asked as he held his work up for her approval.  "It's coming together quite nicely, I think.  Some of your operating systems really were in desperate need of a touch-up.  I have no idea who built this thing or why they would let you use it when it was so clearly in need of repair.  I daresay it should be much more manageable now."</p><p>Rose made no response other than a small, considering hum as she cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes on the device.  She had faith in the Doctor's ability, of course - she had seen him build impossible things before using nothing but duct tape, a paper clip, and a few spare wires - but she was beginning to wonder if he was perhaps getting a bit too carried away, as he was known to do from time to time.  She just hoped that her new modifications would go unnoticed and overlooked if she ever did manage to make it back to her old Torchwood facilities again.</p><p>The Doctor reached up and gestured vaguely over his shoulder at her as he muttered, "Jane, would you mind passing me the ..."  But Rose had already grabbed the small pair of wire cutters that he had been reaching for a moment earlier and was silently holding them out to him without needing to be told.</p><p>He reached for them without looking, and his fingers ended up accidentally brushing against hers as he attempted to take the tool from her hand.  The Doctor sucked in a soft, surprised gasp of air, but this time he didn't immediately twitch away as though she had burned him.  Instead, they both held their breaths as his fingers lingered against hers for just a moment too long before he gently took the wire cutters from her grasp.</p><p>"Thank you," he muttered quietly, his gaze lowered and steadfastly refusing to meet her own as he resolutely turned his back on her and began fiddling with his work once more.</p><p>"No problem, Doctor," Rose assured him gently.  "Any time."</p><div class="center">
  <p>--------------------</p>
</div><i>She's a girl of starlight and galaxy dust - it feels wrong to trap her here in this confined space when she should be out amongst the stars, traveling wherever the wind happens to take her.  She's a wild arkytior bloom who needs to feel the sunslight on her petals and have the space to grow freely.  She doesn't deserve to be trapped here with the wrong Doctor in a place that she doesn't know.</i><p>
  <i>Her device is nearly fixed, now.  Soon I will have to set her free, and she will go back to the wilds from whence she came.</i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So I think we all know by now that we're living in some pretty weird times right now.  I am so very grateful to be one of the people who is still working a full-time job, but things are definitely changing, and I have a lot more free time than normal.  <br/>I have a lot of projects that I'm juggling at the moment, but it looks like I'm probably going to be able to post three chapters a week instead of two for at least the next couple of weeks unless something changes in that time.  When this fic is finished, I plan to return to my other work "Call Me But Love" with another 25-or-so chapters.<br/>As always, thank you so much for all of the comments, kudos, subscriptions, and bookmarks!  I'm so glad that you're all enjoying this fic as much as I am!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yeah there was basically no way that Rose was going to listen to the Doctor and stay put. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose tried very hard to keep her promise to the Doctor and not go wandering off, but she was going stir-crazy in that small, confined barn.  She had never been very good at heeding his commands to sit still to begin with.</p><p>That's why when he left that afternoon to go and find Rose some lunch, she decided to seize the moment and step outside, if only to feel the sunslight on her face and get a breath of fresh air once more.  It wasn't like she was <i>really</i> wandering off, after all - she didn't intend to go far.  She just wanted to see the sky for a moment and get a better look at the flatlands that surrounded their small, secluded barn.   She even took with her the long, brown cloak that the Doctor had pilfered for her so that she could draw the hood up around her face and conceal her features just in case someone <i>did</i> happen to pass by.</p><p>She was cautious as she slowly exited through the single barn door, which faced away from the rest of the buildings and opened out onto the flat, empty drylands beyond.  Just as Rose had expected, there wasn't another living thing in sight.  She slowly grew more confident as she took her first steps outside and felt the fresh, alien breeze against her skin for the first time in days.</p><p>She sighed contentedly as she turned her face towards the twin suns above and allowed the strange scents of a foreign world to fill her lungs for a few minutes before she began to shuffle slowly towards the edge of the barn.  She wanted to get a better look at the rest of the small civilization that the Doctor seemed to be a part of.  There couldn't have been more than six other buildings at the most, though they were all relatively large and could have housed any number of people within them.</p><p>However, the entire area seemed to be quiet that afternoon as the residents retreated indoors to wait out the heat of the day that burned through the drylands outside.  The complete absence of any other living beings once again made Rose bold as she completely rounded the edge of the barn and began a casual stroll, making sure not to wander too far outside the perimeter of her temporary dwelling as she kicked her borrowed boots through the sand and let her mind wander.</p><p>She was so lost in her own thoughts of the family and the Doctor who she had left behind and wondering about how they were all faring without her that she missed the fact that another figure had appeared near one of the buildings at her back.  When she finally turned and realized that she was no longer alone, she immediately froze in her tracks and watched in terror as a young girl who appeared to be somewhere around her own age wandered aimlessly through the large, old structures less than twenty yards away from her.</p><p>Rose was standing between the barn and the rest of the buildings with nowhere to hide and nothing at all to shield her from the view of the other woman.  She was completely frozen in a moment of indecision as she fought between the instinct to turn and run away as fast as possible, and the need to slink slowly back into the shadows where she would no longer be on full display for anyone who cared to glance in her direction.</p><p>Before she could come to any sort of decision on the matter, a loud male voice suddenly called out through the silence and interrupted her scattered thoughts.  It seemed to be calling for the young girl at the edge of the cluster of buildings, and Rose watched as the stranger immediately stiffened and turned to face the source of the voice behind her.  As soon as she was turned completely away, Rose seized upon the moment of distraction and quickly darted around the side of the barn where she could be certain that no one would be able to see her.</p><p>However, there was no mistaking the familiar, stern male voice behind her.  Rose listened intently as the Doctor continued to address the young girl who had nearly caught her.  He was speaking to her in that same, lilting language that he had addressed Rose with when she had first come upon him in those red grass fields, and it dawned on her suddenly why her telepathic translation system wasn't working.  The TARDIS didn't automatically translate any form of Gallifreyan language.</p><p>Rose held her breath and stood as still as possible as she waited for the two of them to finish whatever conversation it was that they were having with one another.  When she was finally able to count to ten without hearing any further responses, she quietly inched her head out from around the edge of the barn only to find that the Doctor was standing directly before her, the dangerous scowl on his face instantly sucking all of the air from her lungs as he strode purposefully towards her.</p><p>"For <i>sanity's sake</i>, Jane, what do you think you're <i>doing</i>?" he hissed in English as he rounded the corner of the barn and fixed her with a menacing glare.  His pale eyes were positively glowing as he leveled a dark, livid expression in her direction.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Doctor, I ..."</p><p>"You promised that you wouldn't go wandering off!" he interrupted her.</p><p>"I didn't!" Rose protested desperately.  "I was only having a look around when ..."</p><p>"You could have been caught!" he insisted, cutting off her excuses yet again as his hands clenched into violent fists at his side.  "You very nearly were!  You're lucky I was there to distract Karissa, or else you surely would have been!  And what then, hmm?  What do you think would have happened?  They would have reported you to the High Council right away, and me as well, for harboring you.  Is that what you want to have happened?"</p><p>"No, Doctor, I only ..."</p><p>This time, her words were cut off by the sounds of more strange voices carrying on the wind across the drylands behind them as another pair of Gallifreyans wandered along the edge of the settlement beyond the secluded barn.  The Doctor and Rose both froze for a moment as their eyes widened in matching expressions of horror.  Suddenly, the Doctor's hands were around Rose's shoulders as he forcibly steered her around the far edge of the barn so that they were once more on the opposite side of the old building with nothing but empty wasteland behind them and no prying eyes that might be able to detect their secret location.</p><p>The Doctor shoved Rose unceremoniously up against the old wooden planks of the structure and then quickly pressed his hand to her mouth to force her into silence.  When she made a small, shocked noise of protest, he quietly shushed her and pressed down harder, urging her to be still.  His scowl was just as menacing as ever, but at least his gaze was trained away from her this time as he glared at the far edge of the barn and they both held their breaths and waited for the strange voices to pass.</p><p>As soon as the Doctor seemed to be certain that the danger was past and they weren't going to be caught, he slowly let out a small sigh of relief and finally turned to face her once more.  Standing as close as they were, Rose could feel his short, relieved breath against the skin of her face as his pale eyes fixed on hers and he leveled her with another steely glare.</p><p>She watched in fascination as he suddenly seemed to realize their proximity to one another and the dark scowl pulling at his features slowly melted into an expression of intent focus as he slowly let his hand fall away from her lips.</p><p>"Sorry ..." he whispered awkwardly, his brow furrowing over his intense eyes as he seemed to take a moment to search her expression.</p><p>Despite the fact that he had released his pressing hold on her, he didn't immediately move away and reinstate the safe bubble of space that he had been keeping between them ever since Rose had arrived on Gallifrey.  She doubted that she would have been able to move in that moment anyway.  She felt completely frozen as she stood pinned beneath his powerful, intense gaze.</p><p>Rose slowly opened her mouth to attempt to apologize once more, but her words caught in her throat and were choked into silence as the Doctor's gaze tracked the subtle movement and his pale eyes suddenly fell to her lips.  Something thick and weighty rolled in Rose's stomach as her heart skipped a beat in trepidation.</p><p>As she continued to struggle to find her words, the Doctor's eyes slowly rose back to hers and his dark, menacing scowl returned once more.  His jaw was clenched tight as he hissed, "Jane, what were you <i>thinking</i> wandering around the grounds like that, after I <i>explicitly</i> warned you that it wasn't safe?"</p><p>Rose blinked hard and shook her head slightly as she forced herself to snap out of her moment of distraction and focus.  "I'm sorry, Doctor," she murmured quietly.  "I only wanted to stretch my legs a bit and have a look around.  I wasn't going to go wandering off, I swear."</p><p>He heaved another heavy sigh as he continued to stare deep into her eyes for a few moments with that dark, penetrating gaze of his.  Finally, he shook his head at her and stepped back to allow her room to breathe once more.</p><p>"You can't go out on your own," he insisted vehemently.  "It's simply too dangerous.  If someone else sees you, we could both find ourselves in a very large amount of trouble, and then where will we be?"</p><p>"I know," Rose replied weakly.  "I'm sorry, it's just that I'm not used to being cooped up like this ..."</p><p>Another moment of silence passed between them as he watched her with a considering expression and a grim, downward turn to his lips.</p><p>"Alright," he finally muttered in defeat.  "I apologize, Jane.  I realize that this must be hard for you - truly, I do.  I promise that I will take you outside soon.  Just to have a look around, as you say, and maybe get some fresh air.  But you have to <i>promise</i> me that you won't attempt to go wandering off on your own, and you must give your word that you will stay close to me the entire time and do as I say.  We can go out at the points in the day when we are least likely to run into anyone else, and we will keep to the quiet, uninhabited places."</p><p>Rose nodded eagerly as she replied, "Okay.  That sounds nice."  She paused for a moment as she reached up tot fiddle with the edges of the hood that she had donned in a half-hearted attempt to remain hidden.  She slowly let it fall away from her face so that she could at last feel the entirety of the sunslight on her face.</p><p>She fixed the Doctor with a slow, sincere smile as she murmured gently, "Thank you, Doctor.  I really am sorry.  It's just that I haven't seen a single other living being other than you ever since I landed on Gallifrey.  I was beginning to wonder if there really were other people living here or not."</p><p>"Well, there are indeed," the Doctor reminded her pointedly.  "And I'm afraid they are rather concerned about the supplies that have suddenly seemed to go missing.  I fear that we will not be able to keep your presence a secret here for much longer, Jane."</p><p>Rose nodded silently as she felt her lips tighten into a thin, worried line and she hung her head in shame.  She really hadn't considered how her sudden appearance might affect the young Doctor, and she suddenly realized that she had become somewhat of a burden for him.  He had so easily welcomed her into this small space of refuge and so eagerly picked up the added work of fixing her dimension cannon that she had quite forgotten that he likely had more important things to do than babysit a lost human while she waited to get back to her own place and time.</p><p>"Jane?"  The Doctor's concerned voice broke through her worried thoughts as he gazed down at her with a look that was patient and gentle and not at all accusatory.  "What's wrong?"</p><p>"I really am sorry, Doctor," Rose repeated as she forced herself to meet his concerned gaze and choked back the guilty tears that she could feel pricking at the backs of her eyes.  "I'm sorry for just showing up here like this and forcing all of this extra work and worry on you.  It wasn't supposed to be this way ..."</p><p>The Doctor made a softly amused noise as he replied, "I think you are rather wrong about that, dear Jane.  I think it was meant to work out <i>exactly</i> this way."</p><p>He dropped his gaze from hers as he sucked in a quiet, nervous breath before he took a hesitant step forward and slowly reached for her hand.  It was the first time since Rose had met him that he was purposefully initiating physical contact.  After his first violent reaction to her attempting to take his hand, she found herself rather uncertain as to how to respond.</p><p>A moment of silence passed between them as Rose slowly dropped her gaze to where his fingers tentatively brushed against her own.  She gently let her hand curve around his in a motion that had become habitual long ago.</p><p>The Doctor finally breathed out the nervous breath he had been holding.  When Rose raised her gaze to examine his expression once more, she could see that he was looking at their joined hands with a small, nearly-imperceptible smile curling up the edges of his lips.  His thumb slowly traced against the line of her knuckles, making her shiver uncontrollably.  Then, before she could think of something coherent to say, he quickly raised her hand to his lips and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to the back of her hand.</p><p>"Well, what do you say, then?"  Before she could stop him, the Doctor quickly dropped her hand and turned back in the direction of the barn door once more, leaving Rose blindsided and reeling in his wake.  "Shall we get back to it?  We'll never be able to get you back to your Doctor if we don't get this device of yours fixed.  I think I'm nearly there - there's just a few more pieces that I'll need to rig together and then it's just a matter of putting the whole thing back together again."</p><p>He kept his back turned to her as he ushered them both back into the barn.  He chatted distractedly over his shoulder with her in a tone that was so casual that it was nearly rehearsed.  However, Rose could see that hint of a smile that remained on his face the entire time as he very pointedly refused to meet her eye.  It all combined to make him look young and boyish in a way that Rose wasn't quite familiar with and didn't know how to handle.</p><p>While she was trapped in her parallel world and working day in and day out with her Torchwood team to find a way to get back to her Doctor she had never even considered that she might one day accidentally intersect his timeline at the wrong moment.  She had been so filled with hope and desperation and longing for the man who she had lost that she hadn't even stopped to think about the long centuries of life that he had lived before they met.  Now, she found herself at quite a loss for how to deal with the situation that she had accidentally trapped herself in.</p><p>Deep down beneath his stern facade and intolerant words, this man was still the Doctor - the one person who she loved and longed to be with more than anyone else in the entire universe.  How was she meant to keep herself from falling for him all over again?</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>--------------------</p>
</div><i>I don't know how my future self does it.  I cannot fathom how he can cope with spending so much time around humans - with their sharp, overwhelming emotions that they project for all the world to see and the cocktail of hormones that seems to constantly seep from their skin and choke the very air from my lungs.  They vibrate with light and energy, like an explosion waiting to happen.  They are heat and soft skin and subtle desire.  It's all enough to drive a man to distraction.</i><p>
  <i>Maybe it's just her - though that thought does little to comfort me.</i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you're all staying safe and healthy.  Don't be like Rose - stay home and practice social distancing!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose spent the rest of the day doing her best to keep a respectable distance between herself and the Doctor, but it was a task that was becoming increasingly difficult.  It seemed that now that the Doctor had finally begun to warm to her, he was finding every possible opportunity he could to invade her personal space.</p><p>Suddenly, they were right back to where they had been in his future and her past as they casually chatted and teased while they worked.  She told him vague stories of the adventures that they had been through together, making sure to leave out any planet names and other sensitive details that might shift the timelines, and he patiently answered her questions about Gallifrey and the Time Lords and current galactic affairs.</p><p>The tables had quite literally turned as the Doctor hovered near Rose's shoulder instead of lingering at the far edge of the work table.  He spent the evening murmuring quiet instructions to her instead of harshly brushing her out of the way whenever she attempted to help.</p><p>The barn was lit once more by the plain white candles, the small flames dancing and casting strange shadows on the walls whenever the two of them made each other laugh or disrupted the still air with their words.</p><p>As the night drew on and the conversation between them at last began to settle, Rose crossed her arms against the table in front of her and rested her chin on her forearms as she gave up attempting to be helpful and silently watched the Doctor work instead.  Her eyelids were drooping sleepily, but she found that she wasn't quite ready to crawl off to bed and leave him just yet.</p><p>The Doctor's brow was furrowed slightly as he focused on his work.  Rose found that she longed to reach across the table and press her fingers to the lines in his forehead so that she could smooth them away.  His gaze was just as intense as it always was, and each small movement that he made was precise and calculated.  Rose had to suppress a shiver as she silently tracked each motion that he made as though she were in some sort of hypnotic trance.</p><p>"What are you staring at?" the Doctor asked, his voice startling her out of her thoughts.  He didn't even glance in her direction, so he didn't get to see the way that Rose's cheeks immediately flushed with embarrassment as she realized that she had been caught red-handed.</p><p>"You," Rose replied honestly.  It seemed that the dark, quiet barn and her sleepy, contented mind were making it difficult for her to mind her words.</p><p>"Why?" he asked, still not looking up to meet her gaze as he dutifully trained his hands to his work.</p><p>"Because," she responded simply, "you're beautiful."</p><p>As soon as the words left her mouth, she realized how forward they sounded.  Rose pressed her lips tightly together and buried her face in her arm in an attempt to hide her blushing cheeks and embarrassed expression.  Only her eyes remained visible as she peeked out at him and impatiently awaited his response.  She had never admitted anything like this to the Doctor before - not even to the ones she had fallen in love with - and she wasn't quite sure how he would handle the confession now.</p><p>She wasn't left waiting for long before he made a small, breathy noise that was somewhere between an amused huff of laughter and a dismissive grunt.  His concentration was finally pulled away from the dimension cannon and his eyes darted furtively up to meet her assessing gaze.</p><p>He fidgeted nervously on his stool for a moment before her pointedly looked away from her and muttered awkwardly, "You are, too."</p><p>"Sorry?" Rose asked, her voice coming out muffled as she hastily moved her mouth away from her forearm once more.  She had been expecting him to ignore her or maybe hastily brush her comment off or even make some rude observation about humans and their fascination with physical appearances.  She had never in a thousand lifetimes expected him to actually <i>reciprocate</i>.  Now that he had, she found that she wasn't quite sure what to do with it.</p><p>The Doctor sighed and rolled his eyes exasperatedly as he scowled at the dimension cannon pieces in his hands.  "I <i>said</i> that you are, too," he repeated tersely.</p><p>"Do you ... really think so?"  Rose didn't know why she was bothering to seek confirmation on the matter, but her exhausted mind seemed to have no filter and she found that she simply couldn't help herself.  </p><p>She had heard the words so rarely from him, no matter what time or body he was in.  Even when he <i>did</i> allow her some sort of verbal assurance of affection, it was normally followed up by a qualifier or a dismissive comment of some sort that would return her once more to arm's length and make it clear that he intended for her to stay that way.</p><p>Rose found that she was unconsciously holding her breath as she watched the Doctor's pensive frown slowly soften.  He hesitantly looked up to meet her gaze once more over the pile of tech that lay on the table between the two of them.  Rose felt her heartbeat trip over itself as she took in the honest, unabashed expression that he fixed her with.  Time itself seemed to slow to a crawl between them.  Once again she felt as though he were staring right through her - examining all of her secrets and doubts and hopes - as his pale eyes silently bored into hers.</p><p>She felt as though an eternity passed before a small, shy smile slowly turned up the edges of the Doctor's mouth and he began to nod his head hesitantly in an affirmative response.  He never did end up giving her any sort of verbal confirmation, but Rose found that she didn't really need it.  As she looked into his wide, expressive eyes, she witnessed all of the truth that she might ever need to see reflected back to her there.</p><p>She was suddenly reminded of the last time that she had seen the Doctor - <i>her</i> Doctor, in the future, that is - and the long, heartbreaking goodbye that they had been forced to go through.  Her last memory of him had been on a cold beach in Norway, his words being abruptly cut off before he could tell her the confession that she so desperately longed to hear.</p><p>Now, against all of the odds, she had been granted a rare opportunity to see him again.  She had just gotten the timing a bit off and ended up on a different planet and with a different Doctor instead.  Still, he was absolutely the same man - she was more certain of that now more than ever.  And here he was, silently reaffirming the fact that whatever it was that weighed so heavily between them wasn't as one-sided as she sometimes believed.  Even though Rose still had plenty of doubts over the matter, the words themselves really didn't need saying after all.  No matter where they were in time or space, they would always be the Doctor and Rose Tyler - two individuals tied together in an endless, seamless dance that would go on into eternity.</p><p>Rose had buried her face in her arms once more, but she had no doubt that the Doctor was aware of the fresh blush that was heating her cheeks as her eyes glinted up at him in contented amusement.</p><p>He breathed another small laugh at her before shaking his head lightly and letting his gaze fall back to his work once more.  That soft, boyish grin was back on his face again and it made Rose want to do ridiculous things like stand up, cross the room, and snog him senseless.</p><p>She shifted her head so that her forehead pressed against her crossed arms and she was forced to look away from the tempting sight.  She took a deep breath and silently buried her desires deep within her so that there would be no danger of any further confessions slipping from her tongue that evening.</p><p>"If you're tired, you should go to bed," the Doctor informed her matter-of-factly.  He had clearly misinterpreted her weary, hunched shoulders and heavy head.  "I have an idea of a place that we can travel to tomorrow so that you can have a bit of an outing, but we should leave before dawn so that we can be sure that we won't be interrupted by any of the others.  You should get your rest while you can - I have seen how slow you are to wake in the mornings."</p><p>"You make me sound like your weird, secret pet or something," Rose mumbled into the hollow space between her arms.</p><p>There was a timed beat that fell between them before the Doctor quipped lightly, "Well, aren't you?"</p><p>"Oi!"  Rose's head immediately snapped up as she flashed him an indignant glare from across the table.  However, all of her ire immediately dissipated as she was met with his sparkling eyes and amused smile.</p><p>She rolled her eyes at him good-naturedly as she wearily conceded the point and prepared to heed his words and get some sleep.  She had intended to head straight for the ladder that would lead to what she had begun to refer to as her bed, but she found that she was incapable of stopping herself form hesitating at the Doctor's side as she passed him.  She hesitantly raised her hand to his shoulder so that she could give his arm a gentle, parting squeeze.</p><p>"You should sleep, too," she reminded him quietly.  "You can't keep going on like this forever.  Don't you have somewhere that you can take a quick kip?"</p><p>"Yes, yes, fine," the Doctor murmured dismissively.  He raised his hand, seemingly without thought, and let his fingers brush against hers for a moment in silent recognition of her concern.  However, his intent gaze never left the dimension cannon pieces in his hands as he continued to studiously avoid her eyes.  "I'll do what I can.  Don't make a fuss."</p><p>Rose felt her grip on him tighten instinctively before she forced her hand to slowly fall away from him so that he wouldn't be able to sense the full-body shiver that she felt race down her spine.  The casual, easy way that he allowed himself to touch her now was at such odds with the first few days that they had spent together on Gallifrey.  She still wasn't quite sure how to handle it.  He had made physical touch sound almost <i>indecent</i> when he had spoken of it yesterday.  So what did these casual touches really mean?  Was he just indulging her alien needs for comfort?  Or did he actually intend something more by it?</p><p>Rose bit her lip until it was sore as she slowly ascended into the loft and pondered on all of these difficult questions.  She was just beginning to lift the sheets in preparation to slid into bed and get a few hours of rest when she heard the Doctor muttering something quietly behind her.  It was not the low, grumbling words that she was used to hearing from him while he worked.  It was something that was as soft and sincere as that vulnerable, dangerous smile of his, and it was spoken in that musical, hypnotizing language that her telepathic translation systems refused to work out for her.</p><p>"Doctor?" Rose asked quietly as she immediately stilled and glanced over her shoulder to look down at him once more.</p><p>He was still sitting at his work table with his back to her.  She was beginning to wonder if perhaps she had just imagined hearing his voice.</p><p>However, after she called out to him in question, he responded in English, "Yes?  What is it, my dear?"</p><p>"Did you say something?" she asked hesitantly.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>Rose paused for a moment, expecting him to elaborate, but when he didn't, she called back in question, "What did you say?"</p><p>The Doctor heaved a small sigh as she finally finished slipping beneath the covers and peered out at him curiously, still patiently waiting for him to answer her.</p><p>When he did, it was a repetition of the same Gallifreyan words that he had used before, and she was no closer to understanding their meaning now than she had been when she'd first heard them.</p><p>"Sounds beautiful," she murmured through a yawn as she felt her eyelids beginning to grow heavy.  "What's it mean?"</p><p>"Go to sleep, Jane," he instructed quietly.  "I'll tell you another time."</p><p>"Doctor?"</p><p>"Yes, Jane?"</p><p>"Why do you dislike Gallifrey so much?"</p><p>He was silent for a long moment, her question hanging awkwardly in the quiet night air between them until Rose was certain that he would choose to ignore it and simply refuse to answer her.</p><p>When he did eventually respond, however, his voice was a slow, calculated whisper.  "I don't think I have any particular dislike for it - at least, no more than any other youth dislikes the place where they come from.  I suppose it's more of a pull towards what the rest of the universe has to offer.  To go out there and see the things that you have seen, dear Jane ... that is of far more interest to me than this old, dusty place."</p><p>"But won't you miss it?" Rose asked as she finally let her eyelids slip shut and breathed a small, sleepy sigh into her pillow.  She knew that she was treading on dangerous ground by asking these questions, but she was tired of secrets and distance when the man who she had been searching for for so long was finally sitting just a few feet away from her.  The quiet intimacy of the secluded barn and the comfort of the shadows around them was making her bold and reckless.</p><p>"Nah," he replied casually.  "Gallifrey will always be here.  I'd much rather see where <i>you</i> come from."</p><p>The Doctor's trivial dismissal of his home planet and his mention of her own instantly made a lump form in Rose's throat as she silently mourned their combined, lost childhoods that were now so very far away and out of their reach.</p><p>A familiar sense of homesickness was welling up within her chest, but it was not the planet Earth that she longed for.  She yearned for an alien spaceship with transcendental dimensions all wrapped up in an old, blue box.  She missed warm hugs and bright smiles and a reassuring hand to hold her own.  <i>That</i> was home to her, and she was beginning to wonder if it was a place that she would ever be allowed to return to ever again.</p><p>"Don't be so sad, Jane," the Doctor whispered.  His gentle tone immediately shook her loose from her dark thoughts and set her mind at ease as she slowly drifted off into unconsciousness.  "Everyone leaves home in the end."</p><p>"Just don't go without me ..."  The words seeming to fall from Rose's lips outside the control of her conscious mind as everything slowly turned fuzzy and she began to lose her grip on reality.</p><p>"I'm not going anywhere without you."</p><p>"Promise?"</p><p>"I promise."</p><p>The gentle, whispered vow seemed to hover in the air around her as it lulled Rose off into sleep like a familiar, welcome lullaby.  There were many other soft, precious words that followed after it, but she was almost certain that those were simply confessions conjured up by her own imagination and not anything that was actually spoken out loud.</p><p>The words seemed to come from all around her - a dozen different voices all whispering the same, quiet reassurances that seemed to wrap her up in a tight embrace and fill her with a sense of peace and contentment.</p><p>
  <i>I'll always be with you.  I'll never leave.  Better with two, forever.  My Rose, my Rose, my Rose ...</i>
</p><div class="center">
  <p>--------------------</p>
</div><i>It feels strange to watch her while she sleeps, but it certainly does not stop me from doing so.  After all, she never specified how I should spend the time that she demands that I take away from work every night.</i><p>
  <i>I do not think I will ever grow accustomed to how soft and delicate humans are - so breakable, so vulnerable, so easily destroyed.  It sparks something deep and primal inside of me that I was unaware I was even capable of.  I know that she must be protected at all costs - even if that means protecting her from myself.</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Jane ... Jane!"</p><p>Rose groaned as a strange voice called out a strange name and abruptly disrupted her sleep. She mumbled something incoherent in response in an attempt to get them to go away and leave her alone. However, the voice was persistent as it demanded her attention.</p><p>"Jane, wake up!"</p><p>"Go away, Doctor," she grumbled sleepily. The familiar name fell from her lips before she even realized that it was, in fact, the Doctor who was calling out to her.</p><p>"If I recall correctly, I believe that it was <em>you</em> who was so eager to go out yesterday, dear Jane. If you really want to go, we should leave now, before the suns rise," he reminded her pointedly. "I did warn you that it would be an early morning, didn't I? Now, come on! There's something I want to show you, but you have to hurry!"</p><p>Rose heaved a sigh as she rolled over onto her back and blinked blearily up at the barn ceiling above her. "Do you really <em>never</em> sleep?" she groaned wearily.</p><p>"No, of course not. Why would I waste my time with something as trivial as sleep? There are far better things to be getting on with," he assured her cheerily. "So come on, now, up you get! Don't want to miss it!"</p><p>She was about to tell him to sod off and leave her alone, but all of Rose's angry retorts were silenced when she heard a clattering against the floor near the edge of the loft and she suddenly caught a whiff of the spiced tea that she had grown so fond of during her stay here on Gallifrey. She turned her head against her pillow just in time to see the top of the Doctor's head disappearing over the loft's edge as he left her with her usual morning breakfast and retreated back to the main level once more.</p><p>"Oh, come on, that's cheating," Rose groaned. She wearily rolled to her side and reached for the steaming thermos. She knew as well as the Doctor did that she was entirely incapable of ignoring the alluring scent and warmth of the sweet, exotic tea.</p><p>"Hurry, hurry, no time to waste!" the Doctor continued to press on eagerly. Rose could hear him bustling about on the main level of the barn below her, but all of her attention was currently focused on the thermos warming her hands and the now-familiar scent of the steam that filled her lungs. She didn't bother to watch whatever it was that he was doing.</p><p>Rose was about to suggest that he slow down and give her a minute to wake up when the dark brown cloak that she had worn the day before was thrown unceremoniously over the edge of the loft as the Doctor chucked it up to her. "Come, now, Jane, what's taking you so long?" he called up to her. "Let's go! Things to do, things to see!"</p><p>"I really do hate you in the mornings," Rose grumbled under her breath as she forced herself to abandon the warmth and comfort of her borrowed bed. She slowly stretched her arms up over her head and let out a long, indulgent moan as she felt her stiff muscles loosen.</p><p>She began to dress for the day without bothering to turn and tell the Doctor to give her some privacy. Rose had been on Gallifrey for three days now, and she and her companion had established enough of a morning routine at this point that she was positive that he wouldn't attempt to bother her while she was getting ready for the day. He had acclimatized to her alien needs far quicker than she had expected him to, but Rose had decided not to question it.</p><p>Today, she dressed herself in clothes that were more similar to something that one might find on an eighteenth century Earth housemaid. There was a plain, ankle-length skirt that hung from her waist and a pale working apron that went over it. A billowing, ivory blouse was tucked into it and had sleeves that hung loosely to her forearms. A bright red jacket went over it, which had sleeves that went to her elbows and held tight to her shoulders and waist but expanded to fall more loosely around her skirts.</p><p>As Rose neared the ladder that would lead down to the main level of the barn, she could see that the Doctor was already hovering near the doorway, shifting his weight impatiently between his feet as he waited for her. When he seemed to sense that she was finished getting dressed, he turned and flashed her an eager, expectant look.</p><p>"Well, it's about time!" he chided, his smile completely ruining the stern look he was attempting to give her. "You humans really do move quite slowly, especially in the morning. It's a wonder you managed to ever reach the stars at all! If you had it your way, Jane, I do believe you'd be quite content simply sleeping your life away."</p><p>Rose fixed him with an unamused glare as she bent down and snatched up the cloak that he had thrown to her and slowly moved to join him. It was too early in the morning for her to be able to create any sort of comeback to his harsh teasing, so she didn't even bother trying.</p><p>She made sure to bring the thermos of tea with her as she went. She knew that she would need it if she was going to be able to get through this morning without strangling him.</p><p>However, it was still dark outside and without the heat of the two suns in the sky, the drylands of Gallifrey were quite a bit cooler than she had been expecting. Rose was forced to swallow her irritation with the Doctor as she pulled her cloak tight around her shoulders and gratefully took the arm that he offered her so that she could be led through the darkness by his superior senses. She had almost expected him to offer her his hand instead, since he had recently seemed to set aside his issues with personal space. However, she didn't push the issue as she buried her chilled fingers into the subtle warmth between his arm and his torso.</p><p>"Don't worry, it's not too far," he assured her as they set off across the wide expanse of open land before them. There was no heading that Rose could see, but they seemed to be moving steadily away from the small civilization at their backs. "We just need to make sure that we're back before suns-up. My people are early risers, you know. We aren't prone to sleep the day away like you humans do."</p><p>"Yeah?" Rose replied sarcastically. "I never would have guessed."</p><p>She found herself only half-listening as the Doctor babbled away about everything from the weather to the microorganisms that lived in the wilderness around them. She had longed for an outing like this with him where she would at last have the opportunity to explore his home world, but Rose found that her excitement for the adventure was dulled somewhat by her own weary exhaustion.</p><p>However, her interest was finally piqued when the Doctor came to a sudden stop in the middle of the flat desert and gestured grandly towards a small plateau that jutted up from the ground before them. There wasn't much else in the area other than a few dry shrubs and a bunch of rocks and dirt.</p><p>"Ah, here we are," the Doctor announced eagerly.</p><p>"Right ... here we are," Rose repeated curiously. She slowly scanned the area for some sort of secret treasure that she might be missing. "And ... where exactly are we?"</p><p>"Come, come, have a look!" he insisted, his enthusiasm not diminished in the slightest by her dubious tone and confused expression. He dragged her forward towards the raised portion of ground before them, which was really not much more than a large, flat rock. It was wide enough for a single person to lay down upon it, and stood about four feet off of the ground.</p><p>"It's a rock ..." Rose muttered suspiciously. "Doctor, did you really wake me up and bring me all the way out here in the middle of the night to look at a rock?"</p><p>The Doctor had woken her up for far more inane purposes before, after all. She wasn't about to put it past his younger self to have the same propensity for being excited by small, trivial things.</p><p>However, the Doctor merely sighed and rolled his eyes at her in exasperation as he stepped outside of her grip and quickly hefted himself up onto the flat rock above. "Just come and see, Jane," he insisted. "I really don't think you'll be disappointed."</p><p>Before Rose could question him further, the Doctor suddenly reached out and offered his hand to her. It was such a simple, trivial gesture among humans that Rose had to fight to remind herself that it was a far more trusting gesture for him. When she glanced up to meet his gaze, she could feel more than see that he was watching her with a tense, nervous expression as his empty hand hung in the air between them.</p><p>Rose let her fingers slide against his hesitantly. She didn't have time to read into the situation any further before he heaved against her arm and yanked her quickly up to join him. She let out a short, startled squeal despite herself as she suddenly found her knees connecting with the edge of the rock. She scrambled ungracefully to keep her balance and not slide right back down again.</p><p>"Right, now, lay down right here," the Doctor commanded impatiently, pointing towards the exact center of the small platform they now sat on.</p><p>"What? Why?" Rose asked suspiciously.</p><p>"Really, Jane, you do ask a lot of questions!" he growled exasperatedly. "Is it always the way with you? Can't you ever just do what you're told?"</p><p>"Alright, <em>fine</em>." Rose rolled her eyes at him in the dark as she obediently crawled forward and positioned herself as he had instructed.</p><p>She was about to begin demanding to know what this was all about when she blinked and her gaze suddenly focused on the view above her. With no trees or buildings or light pollution to block her vision, and with her body being raised up slightly off of the ground, Rose had a front-row, unimpeded view of the predawn Gallifreyan sky that stretched out over the drylands. The sheer vastness of space hanging over her head made Rose gasp in surprise as she took in the millions of stars that her heart had been aching for ever since she left the TARDIS.</p><p>She very nearly felt as though she could simply drift up towards them and fly away. She wanted to lose herself in the dark recesses of space that went on into eternity. But she was tethered once more to the ground as she felt the Doctor situating himself next to her, his head resting next to hers as he stretched out on the rock beside her and mirrored her position upside down so that the tops of their heads brushed against the others' shoulder.</p><p>"Blimey," Rose sighed reverently. "It's beautiful."</p><p>When the Doctor made no immediate response, she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and saw the soft, vulnerable smile was on his features again. He was staring up into space with an expression that was near childlike in its wonder. It had been a very long time since Rose had seen such an expression on her Doctor's face in the future. Even when she did catch him marveling every now and then, it was really only mere glances - a glimmer in his eye as he explored an unknown planet or a small smile as he discovered something new to explore. It was nothing compared to the wide-eyed wonder that he was exhibiting now.</p><p>Rose was moving before she could think to stop herself. She slowly raised her hand to the opposite side of the young Doctor's face and let her fingers trace against his features. As soon as her skin came into contact with his, she saw his eyelids slip shut. Suddenly, neither of them were focused on the beautiful sight that lay before them anymore.</p><p>However, the Doctor only allowed a moment of her curious exploration of the side of his face before he reached up and grabbed her hand with his own. He pulled her gently but purposefully away as he silently warned her not to continue. However, he kept his hand in hers as he slowly turned his head away from her intent gaze to examine her fingers as though they were suddenly the most interesting thing in the entire universe. Rose had to fight to suppress a shiver as she felt his fingers slowly and methodically tracing against her own.</p><p>She felt her heart turning over in her chest as she suddenly realized that, as many times as she had held hands with the Doctor in all the time that she had known him, she had never experienced <em>this</em> before. There were many times when he had held her hand to comfort her or to pull her out of danger, or even to lead her into a dance, but never had he held her hand with such <em>reverence</em>.</p><p>"Thank you, Doctor," she whispered quietly. She slowly turned her gaze back to the sky above and attempted desperately to get control over her racing heartbeat once more. Rose was absolutely certain that in the still quiet around them and the way that his fingers ghosted over her wrist, there was no way that the Doctor could be unaware of the effect he was having on her pulse. "How did you know?" she asked timidly.</p><p>"Know what, my dear?" His whispered voice was low and raspy in a way that made Rose have to fight back a shiver.</p><p>When she had first come to Gallifrey, she had been quite annoyed by the way that he kept calling her "young lady" and "my dear" as though she were some young, inexperienced child. Now, however, he somehow made the words sound like a true endearment, and it was quickly beginning to grow on her.</p><p>"How did you know that I missed the stars?" She smiled up at them once more and began imagining shapes and pictures in the paths they created. In the past, she might have asked the Doctor to point out a few and tell her stories of the ones that he liked best. For now, she as content to simply observe and daydream. She knew that the mystery of it all called to him as surely as it called to her.</p><p>"You very nearly bristle with it, dear Jane," he responded slowly. He turned his gaze away from her fingers and joined her in her marveling of space, though he never once let go of his hold on her hand. "You have galaxies in your eyes and starlight in your veins. The universe calls out to you, and you have no choice but to respond. You are an explorer, an adventurer. You deserve far more than this, I know, but alas, this is the best that I can offer you at this point in time."</p><p>"Oh, just give it a few years," Rose assured him gently. "Soon enough you'll be out there traveling, too."</p><p>"Will you come with me, Jane?" His tone was suddenly hesitant as his grip on her fingers tightened reflexively.</p><p>"Of course, Doctor," she responded without even a moment's hesitation. "Always."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
  <p>--------------------</p>
</div><p>
  <em>I must constantly remind myself that she doesn't understand the true meaning of her actions. I must tell myself this, or risk going mad. The promises that she makes flood my hearts with impossible hope, and the feeling of her fingertips ghosting ever closer to the sensitive area of my temples nearly undoes me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She is an alien. She is from my future. She is not mine to dream about, to touch, to keep. But still she calls to me - just like all those billions of stars - urging me on and beguiling me with their air of mystery and adventure.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter Eleven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose could have quite happily stayed there laid out beneath the alien sky until all of the stars faded from view and disappeared beneath the glow of Gallifrey's twin suns. However, as dawn began to break over the horizon and the sky began to lighten to a pale, dusty blue, the Doctor urged them both to their feet and reminded her of their need to keep a schedule and remain hidden.</p><p>Rose still desperately wanted to reach out and take his hand as they walked, but this time they kept their limbs to themselves as they wandered back through the Gallifreyan drylands in peaceful silence.</p><p>"So, where are we going next, then?" Rose bumped his arm teasingly with her elbow as they walked.</p><p>"Next?" the Doctor repeated. "Whatever do you mean?"</p><p>"I mean the next time we have the chance to sneak out," Rose replied with a playful roll of her eyes. "I'm not done exploring this place, Doctor. I want to see more! We have at least another day until the dimension cannon is fully put back together again. Surely that's enough time to see some more of the sights?"</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” </span>
  <span>the Doctor muttered slowly, his brow furrowing as he stared at the ground beneath his feet and quietly pondered her request, </span>
  <span>“where would you like to go?  I’m afraid that most of the uninhabited parts of Gallifrey are not really what one would consider tourist attractions, and we will still need to make sure that we come and go during the hours when we will be least likely to be seen.  That alone limits our options quite dramatically.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There must be somewhere we can go,” </span>
  <span>Rose insisted.  </span>
  <span>“If I know you the way I think I do, I’m sure there are plenty of secluded places that you’ve found tucked away out here.  If there’s one thing you’re good at, Doctor, it’s finding places to hide.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Indeed,” </span>
  <span>he replied, his voice still slow and hesitant as he flashed her an odd, sidelong look.  </span>
  <span>“Quite right.  How easily I forget that you have spent a considerable amount of time with my future self.  I daresay no one on Gallifrey knows me half as well as you do, dear Jane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, that can’t be true.”  </span>
  <span>Rose stepped closer to playfully bump against his shoulder once more.  He had that thoughtful scowl back on his face and she found herself longing to find a way to bring back the soft smiles that she preferred instead.  </span>
  <span>“You said you have family here, didn’t you?  And I’m sure you’ve got friends. They’ve all probably known you for way longer than I have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yes, far longer, indeed,” </span>
  <span>the Doctor agreed mildly.  </span>
  <span>“But I doubt I have spent nearly as much time with them as my future self has spent with you.”  </span>
  <span>He paused for a moment before adding gently, </span>
  <span>“Besides, it’s not really about the time one spends with others, now is it?  Truth be told, you could carry a pebble around in your pocket your entire life, and in the end it wouldn’t know you any better than a complete stranger.  It’s about what’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>done </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>said</span>
  </em>
  <span> with that time - the relationships you build with others.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose found that she didn’t have much of a response to that.  He was right, of course, but that didn’t make his words any more comforting.  When she first began traveling with the Doctor, she had had a great deal of pity and sympathy for the cold heartbreak that she had found hidden behind his eyes - the silent grief that he carried with him as a constant companion.  After she had gotten to know more about him, she had assumed that it had been put there by the war that he told her he had survived. Now, however, she was beginning to realize that perhaps his loneliness went back far further than she could have ever imagined.  Was there ever a moment when the Doctor felt as though he belonged somewhere?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well the others don’t know what they’re missing out on, then,”</span>
  <span> she stated confidently.  </span>
  <span>“An hour spent with the Doctor is better than a lifetime spent living with most other people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor turned to flash her a look that was somewhere between pensive and amused as he replied, </span>
  <span>“You sound so certain, Jane - surely you haven’t met enough people to make such an affirmed statement.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve met enough,” </span>
  <span>she assured him mildly.  </span>
  <span>“Nineteen years spent on Earth and then quite a few more traveling through space and time with you has given me a pretty broad understanding of people.  I like to think that I’m a pretty good judge of character.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I suppose I must defer to your greater wisdom,” </span>
  <span>the Doctor muttered thoughtfully, clasping his hands behind his back as he trained his gaze back on the horizon before them.  </span>
  <span>“Compared to you, I have seen very little of the universe so far, and I daresay I understand even less about the people inhabiting it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People aren’t so hard,” </span>
  <span>Rose replied with a small shrug.  </span>
  <span>“They all just basically want the same things, after all - peace, love, safety, companionship.  Some just struggle more than others to find it, and some are willing to make sacrifices if it means getting more of what they want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m starting to see why my future self keeps you around,” </span>
  <span>the Doctor mused out loud. </span>
  <span> “I think, dear Jane, that you are no doubt a very useful …  What did you call it? ‘Companion’?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you’re just now starting to figure that out, are you?” </span>
  <span>Rose teased lightly, flashing him a tongue-touched grin that finally seemed to shake his scowl loose as he smiled back at her in amusement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They fell into a comfortable silence for a few moments after that, until the Doctor found a new distraction that carried them away from their current course back to the barn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jane, come look at this,” </span>
  <span>he muttered eagerly, beckoning over his shoulder for her to follow him as he suddenly started off to the left and away from her side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought we were on a ‘schedule’,”</span>
  <span> Rose reminded him cheekily as she barely even hesitated to follow after him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It will only take a moment,”</span>
  <span> he assured her. </span>
  <span> “It’s right here - see?  Have a look.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Upon first glance, the thing that he seemed so eager to show her didn’t appear to be much more than another scrawny, rough bush like many of the others that dotted the landscape around them.  However, as the Doctor reached forward and tentatively moved the spindly branches aside, Rose was able to catch sight of a single golden bloom sitting at the heart of the plant, completely encased in a network of spikes and thick leaves that protected it from any wandering predators.  Its petals were the exact shade of the flaming twin suns that were still rapidly ascending from the horizon behind them, with a burnt orange center that radiated out and faded to pale yellow at its edges.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,”</span>
  <span> Rose gasped in wonder despite herself as she bent closer to inspect the small bud.  </span>
  <span>“It’s beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They usually don’t grow this far out in the drylands,”</span>
  <span> the Doctor informed her quietly.  </span>
  <span>“This one seems to be a special case - a particularly hardy and stubborn little fellow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Rose could say anything more, he reached forward and pulled against the thick, tough stem, effectively breaking the bloom from its roots.  Her small noise of protest was immediately silenced as he quickly turned and held the flower out towards her in a silent offer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I …  I couldn’t …” </span>
  <span>she muttered lamely.  </span>
  <span>“I shouldn’t.  It’s such a beautiful plant, I really think we should leave it here and let it grow …”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can pot it when we get back,”</span>
  <span> he assured her easily.  </span>
  <span>“It’ll be much happier in a more shaded, safe environment anyway, I assure you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t say anything more than that, but Rose could see the unspoken words lingering on the Doctor's tongue and hiding behind his intense pale eyes.  He wanted her to have it - he was desperate for her to accept this small, seemingly-inconsequential gift. Rose understood that he was offering her more than just a flower in that moment, and she reached forward to take it without a second thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,”</span>
  <span> she murmured gently as she brought the bloom to her chest and took a closer look at its warm, golden petals.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I believe you have similar flowers that grow on Earth,”</span>
  <span> the Doctor replied matter-of-factly, clearly attempting to clear the air between them by filling it with meaningless words and explanations as he turned and quickly resumed their path back towards the barn once more.  </span>
  <span>“You might call it a ‘rose’, but here on Gallifrey, it is called an ‘arkytior’.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mentioned them before,” </span>
  <span>Rose muttered distractedly as she blindly followed after him, her entire attention focused on the small golden bloom that she held in her hands.  She raised it closer to her face to take a breath of its fragrance and found that it had a sweet, honey-like scent to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did I?”</span>
  <span> the Doctor replied. </span>
  <span> “Yes, I suppose you’re right.  They’re a hardy plant, growing in the thickest of forests and blooming throughout much of the year.  They’re rare, though - and the petals are used in many different restorative remedies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doctor?”</span>
  <span> Rose piped up, cutting off his long-winded explanations as she slowly raised her gaze to inspect his profile from where she lingered just a few steps behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Jane?”</span>
  <span> he called back to her distractedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you going to do when this is all over?”</span>
  <span> she asked quietly. </span>
  <span> “I mean, when I go back to my time and place, what’s going to happen to you?  Are you going to have to make yourself forget all the time that we’ve spent here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I … don’t know,” </span>
  <span>he responded slowly, turning to flash her a curious look out of the corner of his eye.  </span>
  <span>“Why do you ask?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just … in the future, when we meet, you don’t know who I am,” </span>
  <span>Rose reminded him, staring down hard at the flower that she was currently rolling between her fingers.  </span>
  <span>“At least, I don’t think you do.  So does that mean that you won’t remember this?  You’ll make yourself forget everything that we’ve said and done here together?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, my dear,” </span>
  <span>the Doctor sighed with a small, defeated shake of his head.  </span>
  <span>“I really don’t know.  From what I could see of your timelines, you’re not running the risk of creating any paradoxes by being here.  In fact, it rather looked like this was meant to happen. I think you coming here was no mistake, Jane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not my name,” </span>
  <span>Rose muttered quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor turned to flash her a sympathetic frown as he replied slowly, </span>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shall I tell you what it is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose watched as his steps slowed and eventually came to a halt before he turned to face her with a quiet, guarded expression on his face. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why now?”</span>
  <span> he asked, his gaze just as intense as it always was as he searched her features in confusion.  </span>
  <span>“You’ve been so adamant up until this point on keeping it a secret.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m tired of secrets,” </span>
  <span>Rose replied honestly with a small, helpless shrug.  </span>
  <span>“Besides, if you’re right and I was always meant to come here, then that means that we were meant to meet this way all along.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor was silent for a moment as he simply stood there and continued to watch her, his jaw working nervously before he eventually gave a small, terse nod and muttered, </span>
  <span>“Alright, then.  Tell me. What is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose felt an amused smile pulling up her lips as she dropped her gaze back down to the flower in her hands and began fidgeting shyly beneath his attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Promise not to tell?”</span>
  <span> she asked, lowering her voice in a teasing manner, as though it really were a secret that she wanted only him to know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,”</span>
  <span> he replied, his own voice going low and rough as he continued to watch her.  </span>
  <span>“I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glanced up at him from beneath her lashes before raising her head with a playful grin and holding out the arkytior bloom pointedly in the space between them.  </span>
  <span>“It’s Rose,”</span>
  <span> she stated definitively.  </span>
  <span>“Rose Tyler.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor’s gaze fell to the golden flower as he stared in silence for a few, surprised moments, but when he finally raised his gaze back to her own, he was mirroring her playful grin exactly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, of course it is,”</span>
  <span> he replied as he stepped forward, took her free hand from where it hung at her side, and looped it easily around his arm once more. </span>
  <span> “I told you so, didn’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you talking about?” </span>
  <span>Rose laughed as she fell into step beside him and the two of them resumed their trek back towards the barn.  </span>
  <span>“You did not!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did so,” </span>
  <span>he countered, his teasing smile filling her with a bubbling giddiness that she hadn’t experienced in years.  </span>
  <span>“I told you ‘Jane’ was no good, and I suggested ‘Arkytior’ instead.  Don’t you see? I got it right on the first try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, that’s partial credit, at best,”</span>
  <span> Rose replied, squeezing his arm beneath her hand as she let out another chuckle of amusement.  </span>
  <span>“You didn’t even get the right planet of origin.  I suppose you had the right idea, but your execution was a bit off.” </span>
  <span> She turned to flash him a tongue-touched smile as she muttered, </span>
  <span>“Seems to be the story of your life, eh, Doctor?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose nearly startled when he threw his head back and let out a loud bark of laughter that echoed across the empty plains around them.  It was the first time that she had seen him genuinely enjoying himself in such a carefree manner, and it made her smile so hard that her cheeks hurt as she simply watched him shake his head at her and reply, </span>
  <span>“Indeed.  Right you are, Jane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He caught himself the moment that the false name left his lips, and his mirth immediately dimmed as he glanced down at her in embarrassed apology.  </span>
  <span>“Sorry,” </span>
  <span>he amended quietly.  </span>
  <span>“Rose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be sorry, Doctor,”</span>
  <span> Rose assured him, her own smile not faltering in the least as she met his eye as evenly as possible and continued, </span>
  <span>“It’s been a long time since I’ve heard you say my name.  I forgot how much I missed it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, technically speaking, I’ve never said your name before this moment,” </span>
  <span>he reminded her matter-of-factly.  </span>
  <span>“Not from </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> point of view, at least.  You forget, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rose</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that I am not the man who you know from your future.  Well, not </span>
  <em>
    <span>yet</span>
  </em>
  <span>, anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rubbish,”</span>
  <span> Rose replied, drifting closer to his side as they walked so that she could lean her head affectionately against his shoulder.  </span>
  <span>“You might have changed your face, but you’re still the same person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could feel his fingers tightening their hold on her hand where he still held her against his arm, as though he were afraid that she might try and pull away from him at any second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid that I must defer to your wisdom yet again,”</span>
  <span> he murmured quietly under his breath.  </span>
  <span>“I can only hope that your assessment might prove to be true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, you don’t ever change, not really,” </span>
  <span>Rose assured him, continuing to keep her tone light and teasing despite the fact that his thoughts seemed to have taken a more solemn path.  </span>
  <span>“You’ll always be my Doctor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could feel him going tense as he hesitated for a moment before replying softly, </span>
  <span>“My Rose …”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>--------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t think she understands what she’s done.  I don’t think she knows the implications of a true name on Gallifrey.  If she knew, she never would have told me that one, simple name, which is now etched forever upon my two hearts.  She cannot possibly understand how she is now bound to me in inexplicable, inextricable ways.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A true name is only shared between two beings who fully, completely trust one another.  It’s a binding ritual, a show of faith that goes beyond basic friendship. I know that it means nothing to her, but it means everything to me.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter Twelve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Hah!  I knew it would work!”</span>
  <span> the Doctor cried triumphantly as the small pieces within his hands sparked with life and very nearly singed his fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Careful with that,” </span>
  <span>Rose chided him.  She rounded the table to lean over his shoulder and get a better look at the modifications that the Doctor had made to her device.  </span>
  <span>“That’s delicate, expensive technology you're dealing with, and we’ve worked very hard to get it back up and working again.  Don’t go setting fire to the whole thing now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But the sparks mean that it’s working!”</span>
  <span> the Doctor insisted.  The eager glint in his eyes made them appear as though they were glowing in the dim light that surrounded them.  Dusk had fallen over the drylands a few hours ago, and Rose was more weary than normal after her abrupt wake-up call earlier that morning.  The Doctor, however, was no less exuberant or dedicated to his work than he normally was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look here, Rose,”</span>
  <span> he continued, beckoning her closer without turning his gaze away from the pieces in his hands, </span>
  <span>“it’s nearly finished, see?  Now there’s just the matter of putting it all back together again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long do you think it’ll take you to do that?”</span>
  <span> she asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, just another day or so, I should think,”</span>
  <span> he responded distractedly.  </span>
  <span>“I did predict that it would be five days of work, didn’t I?  It seems that my original estimate was quite accurate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can … go back?”</span>
  
  <span>Rose didn’t bother to call the place “home”, because Pete’s World had never been her real home - not truly.  Her real home was with the Doctor, no matter where or when he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose realized, suddenly, that she was entirely unprepared for her unexpected journey to Gallifrey to come to an end.  When she had first arrived here and discovered that her dimension cannon would be delaying her for five days or more, she had thought that she would nearly burst from the anticipation of waiting around and twiddling her thumbs while the Doctor worked.  Now, however, she found that her time spent with him had slipped through her fingers far too quickly and she was unwilling to let him go so soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course you can go back,”</span>
  <span> the Doctor piped up, interrupting her dark thoughts with a tone that was too casual to be natural.  </span>
  <span>“Back to your family and friends, back to your job, back to searching for the Doctor.  That’s what you’ve wanted all along, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose could feel a lump forming in her throat as she watched him very carefully avoiding her gaze.  He didn't dare attempt to see what her reaction to his words might be.  She wasn’t quite sure what his true intentions were, since he guarded them so closely to himself, but she thought that she might have seen just the tiniest glimmer of regret and loss lurking in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suppose so …”</span>
  <span> she allowed quietly.  </span>
  <span>“But I can’t go back yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No?”  The Doctor's</span>
  <span> hands finally stilled as he glanced up and hesitantly met her gaze.  </span>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because,” </span>
  <span>Rose informed him simply, </span>
  <span>“you said that you had more to show me here on Gallifrey.  I’m not going back until I can get a good look round this place.  You </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>promise, Doctor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose …”  </span>
  <span>The wary finality in his tone already spoke of goodbyes, but she absolutely refused to allow herself to hear them.  Not yet, not </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span> …</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>promise,”</span>
  <span> she repeated stubbornly.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now it was she who was avoiding his gaze as Rose began fiddling nervously with random parts on the table before her.  </span>
  <span>“There’s no use trying to weasel your way out of it now," she informed him quietly.  "I know that there’s more to see out there, you said so. You said you’d take me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose …” </span>
  <span>the Doctor tried again.  The weak, nearly vulnerable tone in his voice made Rose’s fists ball together in frustration and anger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not as if I’m changing history by staying for just a few more days!”</span>
  <span> she insisted, her voice rising as she fought to keep her tone level.  </span>
  <span>“I’ve been doing these jumps over and over again, nonstop for nearly a year.  I </span>
  <em>
    <span>deserve </span>
  </em>
  <span>a break!  I </span>
  <em>
    <span>deserve </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be with the Doctor!  I’m tired of searching, tired of coming up short, tired of missing him </span>
  <em>
    <span>every single time.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She paused to let out a heavy, exasperated sigh as she glanced up at the empty barn wall before her and slowly shook her head in defeat.  </span>
  <span>“I’m just asking for a few more days, that's all,”</span>
  <span> she muttered quietly. </span>
  <span> “Please, Doctor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took him a long while to respond, but when he finally did, his tone was filled with gentle curiosity.</span>
  <span>  “Gallifrey will still be here in your time, Rose - and there’s plenty more to see out there amongst the stars, with all of time and space at your fingertips.  Wouldn’t you rather be with your Doctor than sitting here in the middle of nowhere with a silly kid like me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose was desperate to hide the tears in her eyes from him, but at the Doctor’s soft, self-deprecating words, she couldn’t help but turn and meet his gaze once more.  He had that insecure, vulnerable look about him that she simply couldn’t stand.  His shoulders were hunched as though he already knew that he was fighting a losing battle and he was trying to shield himself from the pain of the inevitable loss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose didn’t bother denying that she missed her Doctor more than she could possibly explain.  She longed to be reunited with him once more, but the months of hard work and trying exercises were finally catching up with her and she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>tired</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  She had searched for so long.  She had sacrificed nearly everything in order to get back to the Doctor.  Now that she had found him again, she wasn’t eager to let him out of her sight once more - even if he wasn’t the one that she knew she needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could feel her shoulders hunching forward to match his as exhaustion weighed down heavily upon her.  She never did give him a proper response to his nervous, self-conscious question, but she offered him a small smile instead.  Rose slowly stepped forward and took the dimension cannon pieces from his hands, setting them down gently on the table so that she could turn and fill his empty hands with her own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a long day,” </span>
  <span>she informed him quietly. </span>
  <span> “You should get some rest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor breathed a small, humorless laugh as he dropped his gaze to where he now gripped both of her hands with his own.  </span>
  <span>“I daresay no one has ever taken such an interest in my sleeping patterns as you, dear Rose."  H</span>
  <span>is thumbs grazed down the edges of her hands in distracting, tantalizing motions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’ve got to be just as tired as I am, alien physiology or not,” </span>
  <span>she insisted patiently.  </span>
  <span>“Come on, it won’t hurt you to take a few hours off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose felt the Doctor’s grip on her hands tighten as he slowly raised his gaze back to hers again.  He fixed her with another one of his intense, penetrating looks before finally raising his brow at her and muttering sardonically, </span>
  <span>“And just where, exactly, am I meant to sleep when my human guest has stolen my bed from me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His words were spoken in a light, teasing manner, but Rose’s heart was a fool and it immediately began doing backflips in response.  She lowered her gaze from his and desperately tried to ignore her suddenly-heated cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on,” </span>
  <span>she muttered, pulling insistently against his hands and once more refusing to answer his questions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just when she was certain that he would pull his hands away from her and insist that she go off to bed without him and leave him to his work, the Doctor breathed out a long, slow breath and then nervously rose to his feet to stand before her.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose was hesitant as she searched his expression for any hint that he might attempt to turn and run, but he simply stood there, watching her expectantly, waiting to be told what to do next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before either of them could overthink the issue or back out of the joint decision that they’d made, Rose pulled the Doctor towards the loft ladder and quickly ushered him up ahead of her, so that he would have no chance to change his mind or back out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t remember the last time I actually slept,”</span>
  <span> he muttered idly, clearly needing to fill the tense silence between them with some sort of senseless noise.  </span>
  <span>“Never really saw any of the appeal in it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even </span>
  <em>
    <span>Time Lords</span>
  </em>
  <span> need sleep.” </span>
  <span> Rose flashed him a small, knowing smile as she moved past him and sat at the edge of the bed to start the process of removing her boots from off of her feet.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She watched him carefully out of the corner of her eye the entire time.  Soon he breathed a small sigh of defeat and allowed himself to follow her example.  He leaned against the opposite side of the mattress and faced away from her as he worked the laces on his boots loose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid it’ll have to be another early morning tomorrow, if you want to go out again,”</span>
  <span> he informed her.  She caught him tossing another sidelong, nervous glance her way as Rose slipped off her borrowed red jacket and he awkwardly mirrored her, shrugging out of his dark brown one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d think after all these years I’d be used to you dragging me out of bed at all hours of the night for some adventure or another,”</span>
  <span> Rose sighed in mock-annoyance.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned to flash him a teasing, tongue-touched smile, but her grin began to fade as she saw that he was watching her with another one of his intense, serious expressions again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened to him, Rose?”</span>
  <span> he asked, his voice little more than a whisper as he gazed at her from over his shoulder.  </span>
  <span>“Why were you two separated?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was … an accident,”</span>
  <span> she replied haltingly.  </span>
  <span>“I got trapped somewhere where he couldn’t follow.  I’ve been trying to get back ever since.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could tell by his furrowed brow and tight frown that he had many more questions to ask about that particular topic.  Rose cut off any further discussion by turning away from him and busying herself with sliding beneath the sheets.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She waited impatiently for him to join her, but he seemed to be frozen where he sat at the end of the mattress.  He somehow managed to look both older and younger all in the same moment. Without his thick wool jacket around his shoulders, he looked skinny and vulnerable, but there were dark circles beneath his eyes and his face looked almost gaunt in the dim lighting of the barn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What will you do, when you find him again?”</span>
  <span> he asked quietly.  Rose felt her heart swell when he chose to say “when” and not “if”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor hesitated for a moment before he turned slightly towards her and asked over his shoulder, </span>
  <span>“Will you stay with him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I will,” </span>
  <span>she replied without hesitation.  </span>
  <span>“The Doctor and Rose Tyler in the TARDIS - that’s the way things are meant to be.  I wouldn’t change it for the world.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“'The TARDIS'?” </span>
  <span>he repeated, turning further to flash her a curious look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose rolled her eyes at him good-naturedly and leaned up on the mattress to hook her hand around his elbow.  She pulled gently against him as she murmured, </span>
  <span>“Later, Doctor.  For now, </span>
  <em>
    <span>sleep</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could feel him go tense for a moment, as though he still intended to resist her and retreat back down the loft ladder and return to his work.  At last he sucked in a quiet, nervous breath and allowed her to pull him back onto the mattress at her side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose forced herself to keep to her side of the bed as the Doctor slowly settled in beneath the sheets, despite the fact that she burned with the desire to turn and snuggle up as close as she could to his side.  She wanted to bury herself in his familiar scent and protective arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He heaved a small sigh as he finally seemed to grow still and the large, empty barn around them fell into another tense silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It will be very … </span>
  <em>
    <span>empty </span>
  </em>
  <span>here, when you leave,” </span>
  <span>he whispered quietly into the darkness.  Rose closed her eyes as she felt his voice vibrating through the mattress and suffusing her weary muscles with a sensation of peace and comfort. </span>
  <span> “I fear that it will be a rather difficult adjustment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know what you mean,” </span>
  <span>she replied wryly.  </span>
  <span>“I don’t really fancy the idea of traveling alone again, either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you won’t be alone,”</span>
  <span> he reminded her gently.  Rose could both hear and feel the way that his head shifted on the pillow beside her as he turned to glance at her profile through the darkness.  </span>
  <span>“You’ll have the Doctor - </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>Doctor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,”</span>
  <span> Rose sighed, though her tone was riddled with disbelief.  </span>
  <span>“Maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another moment of silence passed between them as the Doctor’s head swiveled once more on his pillow and he turned to train his gaze back on the wooden ceiling above them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I must obey the laws of time," he whispered slowly.  However, his</span>
  <span> tense tone made it clear that he longed to rebel against them.  His voice was far softer as he added quietly, </span>
  <span>“Besides, I daresay he needs you now more than I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Rose’s turn to move her head to the side so that she could map out the edge of his features through the dim lighting that surrounded them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are the laws of time always so unfair?”</span>
  <span> she asked timidly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor’s hands were crossed loosely over his belly as he stared hard up at the ceiling.  When Rose’s hand began to move unconsciously closer to him, she only needed to brush the edge of his elbow with her fingertips before he was moving to grip her hand in his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In my experience,”</span>
  <span> he sighed quietly,</span>
  <span> “yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose squeezed his fingers in sympathy as she once more felt their imminent goodbye looming before them.  She wished desperately that there were any other way that they could get through this without having to part.  She had already been forced to say goodbye to her first Doctor when he had regenerated and exploded into an inferno right before her very eyes, and the goodbye at Bad Wolf Bay had nearly torn her in two as her second Doctor faded before her eyes, his declaration cutting off into silence and disappearing forever.  It seemed cruel that she would have to say goodbye to this Doctor as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t help but wonder if it was always going to be this way between them.  Was life with the Doctor always going to be just one goodbye after another? How many more times would she be forced to go through situations like this?  How long could they go on before one or both of them decided that they couldn’t stand it anymore?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Later, Rose."  The Doctor interrupted</span>
  <span> her thoughts by squeezing her hand and turning towards her once more so that his lips nearly grazed against her forehead as he spoke.  </span>
  <span>“For now, </span>
  <em>
    <span>sleep</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And just as he had obeyed her command earlier, she obeyed his now.  In no time at all, she was falling into the depths of unconsciousness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>--------------------</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I hadn’t slept in months - studying for Academy exams and taking care of a dimension-jumping human will do that to you, I suppose.  But her sleepy thoughts seep from her hand through my own and drag me down like a weight - pulling against me and begging me to fall into sync with her slow, steady breathing.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s a good weight, though - it’s a solid tether, binding me to her and forcing me to match my heartsbeats to hers.  I can feel time around us simultaneously lengthening into eternity and ticking away too fast. I’m not ready for dawn to come.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter Thirteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose woke the next day in much the same way as she had awoken the day before.  That is, with the Doctor bustling around the barn below and shouting up at her in an attempt to get her out of bed and on her feet.  She grumbled and complained exactly as she had the first time, but she found herself dressing far quicker and her mood enhancing far sooner as she eagerly looked forward to another day out with the Doctor.</p><p>Once more, he stubbornly refused to tell her where he was taking her, but Rose found that she didn't particularly care one way or the other.  As long as they were free from the stifling confines of the barn, she could have been happy just about anywhere.</p><p>He ended up leading her back in the direction she had originally come from when the dimension cannon had brought her to Gallifrey.  Their trek was longer than the morning before.  Dawn was just beginning to break by the time that the flat drylands gave way to the rolling red grass fields that Rose had landed in on her first day.</p><p>The Doctor didn't stop walking until the suns were fully in the sky and they had reached an area where the thick, red grass grew for as far as the eye could see, with a thick cluster of trees forming a nearly-impenetrable wall along the right edge of the field.</p><p>"Isn't this a bit ... <i>vulnerable</i>?" Rose asked skeptically as she eyed the sunny, rolling fields before them.  "I mean, it's the middle of the day, isn't it?  You never know who might go wandering around out here!  What if we're seen?"</p><p>"This is <i>Gallifrey</i>, Rose," the Doctor reminded her pointedly.  "The Time Lords aren't exactly known for their propensity to 'wander'.  I assure you, we're quite safe."</p><p>She as about to make a sarcastic comment about the Doctor's own propensities for wandering when he continued matter-of-factly, "Besides, we're far enough away from any sort of civilization.  The chances of running into any other sentient life forms is relatively slim.  And even if someone <i>does</i> happen to pass by, there are plenty of hiding places that we can retreat to in order to avoid detection."</p><p>"Oh, really?  And where's that then?"  Rose turned to raise a skeptical brow in his direction.  As far as she could see, there weren't any land masses or buildings or any other discernible cover in view for miles, unless he was counting the ominous, shaded forest behind them.</p><p>The Doctor's only answer was a long, dramatic sigh as he sank down into the tall grasses and laid out on the ground in a relaxed position with his hands crossed casually behind his head.  With his entire body concealed by the thick, tall grass, he was completely invisible to anyone who wasn't standing directly next to him.</p><p>"You see?" he informed her lightly.  "The perfect hiding place.  Down here, no one will ever find us."</p><p>Rose giggled as she parted the red grasses to get a better look at his smug, pleased expression.  His face was turned towards the suns and there was a smile on his lips.  His eyes were closed and he was breathing deep, as though he didn't have a single care in the world.  Rose couldn't remember the last time she had seen such an easy expression on any face that the Doctor wore.  She almost swore that she could taste the subtle tang of apple grass on the back of her tongue.</p><p>In order to keep herself from staring for too long, Rose quickly moved to stretch out on the ground beside him.  She smiled up at the expanse of blue sky above their heads and the pale planetary rings that ran right through it.  The bright colors and the open air made Rose's chest swell with a sense of freedom that she had forgotten she was even missing.</p><p>"Speaking of getting caught ..." she murmured thoughtfully as her mind turned back to the reason why she was trapped here in the first place, "how come no one has come looking for you yet?  This is the fifth day in a row that you've locked yourself away in that old barn.  How is it that no one has started asking any questions?  Won't someone be worried about you?"</p><p>"Another thing that the Time Lords have little propensity for, I'm afraid," the Doctor replied with a long-suffering sigh.  "'Asking questions'."</p><p>"Seriously, though, Doctor," Rose insisted.  "How much longer can you afford to be taking care of me like this?  How much longer until your friends and family get worried?"</p><p>"Rose," the Doctor muttered sarcastically, "I've spent decades secluding myself to that barn, and I've spent twice as long as that on various other missions and projects in the past.  Everyone here on Gallifrey is quite accustomed to having people disappear for long periods of time with little to no explanation - myself, perhaps, even more so than usual.  Just as the Academy - my unpredictability is legendary.  Trust me, no one is going to come looking for us."</p><p>"What, don't they care?"  Rose idly twisted a long blade of red grass between her fingers as she furrowed her brow at the sky in confusion.  "If I had a mate who unexpectedly disappeared for such a long period of time, I'd be worried."</p><p>The Doctor's shoulders shifted against the ground as he gave a small, unaffected shrug in response.  "Never bothered me much, I suppose," he assured her lightly.  "I've always enjoyed my freedom and independence.  I find I prefer it when people aren't asking after me every second of the day.  I suppose I value by autonomy more than I do my interpersonal relationships."</p><p>"But don't you get ... lonely?"</p><p>The Doctor went quite for a moment.  When he didn't immediately respond, Rose turned her head to fix her curious gaze on his profile.  He was scowling up at the sunny summer sky above them as though it had personally offended him in some way.</p><p>"Rose," he finally muttered warily, "do you remember when I explained that Time Lords are a telepathic species?"</p><p>"Yes," she replied slowly.</p><p>"Well , that ability, it ... <i>connects</i> us.  Our entire race - this entire world - we're all linked together, at least on some basic level, in our minds."  He shifted so that he could free one of his hands and he tapped a finger lightly against his temple as he continued, "They're all right here, in the back of my head.  Every single living person on this planet.  It's a constant, buzzing presence that never dims or goes away.  None of us are ever truly alone."</p><p>"But I thought ..."  Rose paused and made a small noise of frustration in the back of her throat as she turned her confused gaze skyward once more and the Doctor returned his free hand to the back of his head.  She had so many questions she wanted to ask him, but she was unsure of how to word them without sounding either insensitive or foolish.</p><p>"Before, when you were talking about it," she finally muttered, "I thought you said that the telepathy only worked when you were touching someone?"</p><p>"That is when it is most useful as a means of communication, yes," the Doctor replied evenly.  "But it goes far deeper than that.  You see, telepaths such as the Time Lords can sense one another in their minds.  It's a power that can be blocked or silenced, of course, but few choose to limit themselves when they don't have to.  It can be quite tiresome work, to keep one's mind so heavily guarded at all times.  It's generally just easier to embrace the white noise of billions of other people in the back of your thoughts."</p><p>"Still sounds lonely to me," Rose admitted quietly.  "All that noise, all those voices.  It would be so easy to get lost in all of it."</p><p>Once again, the Doctor made no response.  When it became clear that he didn't intend to pursue the matter further, Rose took in a nervous breath and slowly reached across the small divide that lay between them so that she could gently prod her fingers against his side in quiet supplication.</p><p>"Tell me what it's like," she suggested, her tone more question than command as she quietly asked him for more.  "How does it feel to sense another person's thoughts?"</p><p>Rose could see the Doctor's jaw working from out of the corner of her eye as he silently pondered her request.  Even when he released his hand once more from the back of his head so that he could reach down and gently twine his fingers with her own, his tense expression and furrowed brows never softened in the slightest.</p><p>When his eyelids slowly slipped shut, Rose finally felt free to turn her head fully and watch him with unabashed wonder as he concentrated.  Once more, she longed to reach out with her free hand and smooth away the lines and ridges that his scowl made on his young face.  She nervously pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and bit down on it to remind herself that the Doctor was already allowing her far more than she deserved just by allowing her hand to be cradled in his the way that it was.  She shouldn't be greedy and ask for more.</p><p>"It is a difficult thing to describe to one who has never experienced telepathic communication, I'm afraid," he finally replied, his voice low and rough in the quiet that surrounded them.  "Unless there is a direct line of communication and explicit intent behind the connection, most thoughts don't come through as complete words and sentences, like one would use when speaking.  It's more like ... emotions.  Colors and taste and memory."</p><p>Rose silently traced her thumb across his as she wondered what the Doctor's mind might feel like against her own.  Would she even be able to understand anything that she saw there?  Would she even want to witness all of the things that she knew he kept hidden from her?</p><p>"Most sentient beings on Gallifrey are trained from a young age to mute and control their emotions so that they do not bombard or inconvenience others with them," he went on diligently.  "But you ..."</p><p>Rose felt her heart turn over in her chest as she impatiently waited for his next words.  She watched as he nervously licked his lips and the somersaulting sensation in her chest immediately moved to settle in her gut.  She felt the Doctor's grip on her hand tighten for a moment before he continued, "You're so open, Rose.  Everything that is in your mind, you share it so freely, without reservation.  You're like a star - sometimes you blind my senses."</p><p>"Well ..." she murmured slowly, her voice cracking nervously as she wet her own lips and forced herself to continue, "what am I thinking now?"</p><p>The Doctor's grip on her hand tightened even further as his brows furrowed in concentration.  "Curiosity," he stated quietly.  "That sense of trying to line up all of the puzzle pieces.  Longing for something far outside of your reach - a dream that you don't think you'll ever be able to accomplish.  Peace, as you feel the fresh air in your lungs and the sunslight on your skin."</p><p>"Not a very exact science, is it?" Rose teased gently.</p><p>"Oh, there's more," he continued warily.  "Far more."</p><p>"Like what?" Rose pressed.</p><p>"There's something that is too great to name," he replied slowly.  "It is vast - going outside the limits of time and space.  I'm certain that I could not put it into words."</p><p>Rose felt a fresh wave of embarrassment suddenly wash over her.  She had to fight he urge to snatch her hand away from him in defense, just as he had done when she had first come to Gallifrey.  She had no idea that he was able to sense so much from just a simple touch.  It both strengthened her hope and broke her heart to know that all of the things that she had been trying to keep secret from him this whole time weren't actually such a secret after all.  She thought that she could conceal her relationship - whatever that relationship <i>was</i> - with his future self from him, but it was obvious now that the Doctor had known everything right from the start.  Every longing look that she had ever sent him, every lingering touch, every warm embrace, might as well have been a giant red sign screaming, "<i>I am helplessly, hopelessly in love with you!</i>"</p><p>"Rose," the Doctor muttered, interrupting her thoughts and drawing her attention back to his face once more.  He slowly opened his eyes and stared up at the sky above them with a dark, hooded expression.  "I apologize, I wish I could find a better way to explain it to you ..."</p><p>"Well, fair's fair," she interrupted him pointedly.  "You've seen all of my thoughts, now.  What about yours, Doctor?  What are <i>you</i> thinking?"</p><p>"Believe me, Rose," the Doctor muttered quietly, "I would tell you that, if only I could."</p><p>"Oh, go on, then, Doctor," she insisted stubbornly.  "I can't do the telepathic things that you can do.  I need a bit of context.  What's going through that large, impressive head of yours?  Go on, spill!"</p><p>Her tone was light as she attempted to keep up an easy, teasing conversation with him, but Rose couldn't quite deny the fact that she was a bit put out by his reticence.  It really wasn't fair that he could read her so acutely when she still had no idea what he was thinking.</p><p>However, instead of responding to her playful banter, the Doctor's eyelids simply slipped shut again.  He slowly raised their clasped hands and drew her closer until he was pressing the back of her hand directly over his sternum, in the space between his hearts.  Rose found that she was unconsciously holding her breath as she measured the steady rise and fall of his chest and felt the frantic pounding of his two hearts against her skin.</p><p>He held her there for a few long moments, as though the steady rhythm of his hearts might tell her the words that he couldn't possibly communicate to her in any other way.  When he finally loosened his grip on her and let his hand fall away from her own, Rose turned on her side so that she could lean her head tentatively against his shoulder.  She let her opposite hand come up to replace the first, so that she could feel his pulse against the sensitive flesh of her palm instead.</p><p>She could feel his muscles grow tense as he froze in place under her touch, but after a few moments, he awkwardly shifted beneath her so that he could bring his arm up around her head and let his hand fall tentatively over the curve of her hip.</p><p>Rose squeezed her eyes shut tight as she tried very hard to burn this moment and all of the sensations and emotions that came along with it into her memory so that she would be able to carry it with her wherever she went.  She felt her heart twist with sympathy as she realized that this was a luxury that the Doctor would never be able to have for himself.  He would have to lock this memory away for a long time - possibly forever, if she wasn't ever able to get back to him in the right timeline.  He wouldn't remember any of the embarrassing confessions that she was unconsciously making as she drew closer and silently allowed him free access to her thoughts.</p><p>"I still say it's cheating," she insisted quietly as she let her fingers ghost over the warm fabric of his shirt.  "You're going to have to tell me what you're thinking someday."</p><p>"Someday," the Doctor agreed, his voice a mere whisper as he turned his head and buried his nose in her hair.  "Perhaps someday I will be able to find the words for you, Rose."</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>--------------------</p>
</div><i>She asks to know my thoughts, but there are not enough words, even in my impressive vocabulary, that can possibly describe what I'm feeling.</i><p>
  <i>There's pain as I fight the burning desire to pull her closer.  There's sorrow, knowing that all of this will soon turn to dust.  There's longing as her hand rests between my hearts and I yearn to give her the entire universe.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>There's a great, unnameable emotion, too - something that is both supernova and black hole all in one.  It spells both eternity and destruction, and I cannot outrun it, no matter how hard I try.</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter Fourteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Things are finally happening!  Though not always to plan ...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So tell me, how many future versions of me have you met, then?" the Doctor asked curiously.  The two of them were wandering at a slow, aimless pace through the tall red grass.  Rose had quickly grown tired of laying down and doing nothing, and she knew that if <i>she</i> was getting restless, then the Doctor was no doubt eager to get up and start moving around again as well.</p><p>"You mentioned before that you witnessed a regeneration during your stay with me at some point in the future," he continued conversationally, "so you've met three of me, at the very least.  Do you know of any others?"</p><p>He was trying very hard to keep his voice sounding casual and only mildly interested, but Rose had been around him for long enough over the past few days to know that it was all just a ruse to cover up his intense curiosity about the matter.  This Doctor had never died before, after all - she supposed that it was only natural for him to wonder what his future had in store for him.</p><p>"That's it, really," Rose replied with a small shrug, "just the three."</p><p>"'Just the three', she says," the Doctor muttered sarcastically under his breath.  "Well, how many more of me could there possibly be out there, wandering around?  Surely I can't have regenerated <i>that</i> many times in only eight-hundred years.  Why, that's barely middle-aged for a Time Lord!"</p><p>"That's a good question, actually," Rose replied, cocking her head to the side in consideration as she pondered what she knew of the Doctor.  "You never really told me how many of you there were.  I suppose I never thought to ask.  I don't actually know how many regenerations you've been through.  But I always assumed the first you I met was far from the first."  She flashed him a sly look out of the corner of her eye as she added teasingly, "I suppose that's you, though, eh?  <i>You're</i> the first."</p><p>"Yes," he responded slowly, a small smile slowly stealing over his features as he gazed out at the horizon before them.  "Yes, I suppose I am."</p><p>He paused for a moment as he considered this.  Rose took the initiative to step closer and hug his arm to her as she rested her head against his shoulder affectionately.</p><p>"What's it like?" he finally asked.  His voice was low and quiet as though he weren't sure if he actually wanted to know the answer or not.</p><p>"What's what like?" Rose asked curiously.</p><p>"Regeneration."</p><p>She felt her light-hearted smile instantly fade from her features as she pressed her cheek tight to his shoulder and tried not to shudder at the memory of watching the man she loved explode into light and fire right before her eyes.</p><p>"Well, I just saw the one, mind," she muttered slowly, "but I won't lie to you, Doctor, it ... wasn't pleasant."</p><p>"How did it happen?"</p><p>When Rose didn't immediately reply, the Doctor reached up to gently touch one of her hands with his own as he quietly insisted, "Please, Rose.  No more secrets between us now."</p><p>"You were trying to save me," she finally admitted, her tone low and filled with regret.  "You died so that I could live."</p><p>The Doctor took a moment to allow this information to sink in before he heaved a small sigh and dropped his hand from hers again.  "Well, that's not so bad, I suppose.  Could be worse," he muttered slowly.  "Dying for you, at least, is a noble enough cause.  I'm sure that it was worth it."</p><p>"Don't say that, Doctor," Rose insisted, her voice a mere whisper.  She screwed her eyes shut and tightened her grip on his arm.  "I hated that it had to work out that way.  I didn't want you to die for me.  I wasn't ready to say goodbye."</p><p>"It wasn't really dying, though - not really," the Doctor reassured her gently.  "I got up and kept going afterwards, didn't I?  And it wasn't really a true goodbye, either.  This man you're searching for now - he's still him; still <i>me</i>.  You do know that, don't you Rose?  Please tell me that you understand ..."</p><p>"It <i>felt</i> like I was watching you die," she whispered sadly.  "And it <i>felt</i> like a goodbye."</p><p>The Doctor breathed another small sigh as he gradually slowed his pace, forcing Rose to match him until they had come to a complete stop.  The two of them simply stood there amongst the tall, red grass for a moment.  She clutched tight to him as though she were afraid that he might disappear at any second while he stared out at the horizon as though he might be able to find the right words to say hovering there.</p><p>"It is a difficult process to explain to someone who isn't a Time Lord," he explained quietly.  "All that those men were - all that they <i>are</i> - is still there, Rose.  It never goes away, and it never dies.  It just ... <i>changes</i>.  Like putting on a new pair of shoes."</p><p>Rose let loose a small chuckle as she shook her head against his shoulder and muttered, "Except, for you, you put on a whole new <i>face</i>."</p><p>She could feel him hesitating as the muscles in his arm suddenly went tense beneath her fingertips.  After a moment's pause, he gently pulled her hands away so that he could turn and look her in the eye with an expression that was more open and earnest than she had ever seen from him before.</p><p>"They're still me, Rose," he insisted quietly.  "And I'm still them."</p><p>Rose had to fight very hard not to fidget under the intense gaze of his as his eyes slowly tracked between her own and then moved up to focus on something just over her head.</p><p>"What do you see, Doctor?" Rose asked as his expression took on a look of awed wonder.  She knew without having to ask that he was peering into her timelines again, but now that there were no secrets between them, she found that she was less frightened by what he might find there and more curious instead.  "What's in my timelines that keeps putting that look on your face?"</p><p>"Me," he answered simply, his tone sounding nearly-breathless as he seemed to struggle to tera his eyes away and focus on her once more.  "You and me together," he elaborated quietly.  "Forever."</p><p>Rose was so lost int he look of hope in his eyes and the quiet promise of his words that she nearly missed the fact that his gaze had trailed downwards to focus on her lips, and he was slowly raising his hands to brush against either side of her face.</p><p>"Rose," he whispered quietly, "will you allow me to try something?"</p><p>She knew that she should ask for clarification before she agreed to something so vague, but Rose was already far too long gone for all of that.  She imagined that she probably wouldn't have been able to speak coherent words in that moment even if she wanted to - what with her foggy thoughts and her dry throat making communication suddenly difficult.</p><p>So instead, she simply nodded silently and watched in frozen anticipation as he slowly leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to hers.  His kiss was slow and hesitant, but his grip on her face was sure as he held her still and began a cautious exploration of her.  Every small movement that he made was steady and calculated, as though he had been studying the matter for weeks and was trying very hard to get it exactly right.</p><p>The extremities of Rose's limbs had gone slightly numb as her thoughts fought to focus on anything that wasn't the Doctor's cool, inviting lips.  She wasn't aware that she was reaching for him in return until her hands were fisted firmly in the front of his pale shirt, urging him silently closer.</p><p>Rose found that she was disappointed when he didn't take the initiative to press any further and instead broke away slightly so that he could speak again.</p><p>"Rose," he whispered, the sound of his rough voice and the sensation of his breath against the sensitive skin of her lips making her shiver, "will you allow me to try something else?"</p><p>Once more, Rose found that she could do little more than give a small, eager nod as she closed her eyes and prepared for him to kiss her again.  However, she was surprised when instead, he slowly shifted his hands against the sides of her face until the tips of his fingers were centered purposefully over either one of her temples.  She heard him take a deep, steadying breath, and then she was immediately hit with what felt like a shock of electricity striking her entire body all at once.</p><p>The sensation was like nothing that Rose had ever experienced before in her entire life, as a second presence suddenly wrapped itself around her mind.  It was uncomfortable at first - like sliding into a pair of shoes that were too small.  She felt as though she were being crowded within her own head.  But the Doctor was slow and gentle as his consciousness hovered just on the periphery of her thoughts and he patiently waited for her to allow him entry.</p><p><i>Breathe, Rose,</i> the Doctor whispered.  It took a moment for her to realize that he hadn't actually spoken the words out loud.  In fact, they were coming from somewhere within her own head.  Rose did as he commanded, though - belatedly realizing that she had been unconsciously holding her breath.</p><p>She was about to ask him what she was meant to do next, but she found that she didn't have to, as he silently guided her through the motions of opening her mind to him.</p><p><i>Contact,</i> he whispered as he slowly crossed over the threshold of her mind.</p><p>Suddenly, Rose was closer to the Doctor than she had ever been before.  There was no time or space or even physical bodies left between them as their thoughts melded together into one and she sank down into the depths of his consciousness with a long, shaky sigh.</p><p>The Doctor had explained to her many times before how, despite the changes and the years and the regenerations that he went through, he was still the exact same man as he always was.  Now, however, Rose could see first-hand the truth behind his words.  She understood the concept on a whole new level as she felt out the edges of his mind and sensed every person he had ever been, or ever would be, embracing her and drawing her deeper in return.</p><p>
  <i>Rose.</i>
</p><p>Her name bloomed between them like a prayer, a promise, and a desperate plea all at once.  Rose could feel the Doctor's sensation of awe and wonder match her own.  She could also feel the way that he was attempting to take in as much of her as she was willing to give him, his thoughts near-frantic as he fought for control so that he could contain this entire experience and sear it into his mind forever.</p><p><i>Doctor,</i> Rose replied just as reverently as she simultaneously surrendered and claimed him as her own.  <i>My Doctor.</i></p><p>Once again, her hands were moving without her conscious thought.  With her eyes still screwed tightly shut under the sensory onslaught currently going on in her head, Rose had no idea how her fingers managed to find the Doctor's temples, but it seemed that they were both operating on instinct in that moment.  All that she knew for certain was that she wanted <i>more</i> - more of him, more of this moment, more of the connection that was glowing between them and bringing her closer to the Doctor than she had ever been before.</p><p>As soon as her fingertips brushed against the sensitive skin at the sides of his head, they both gasped in unison as some invisible thing between them suddenly slipped into place.  Rose's senses were momentarily blinded by a bright flash of gold that felt as though it were pulling against her and sucking her in against her control.</p><p>It all came to a jarring halt as the Doctor suddenly flinched away from her, breaking their connection in a way that felt as though someone had forcibly attempted to rip off one of her own limbs.  Rose cried out in pain despite herself as she stumbled awkwardly away from him and world spun wildly around her.  Her vision was blurred, her head was pounding, and her limbs were shaking uncontrollably as she blinked hard and attempted to focus.</p><p>"What do you think you're <i>doing</i>?"</p><p>The harsh, demanding snarl was so at odds with all that she had just experienced.  It took Rose a moment to realize that it was the Doctor who was speaking to her and not some cross stranger.  She furrowed her brows and forced her gaze to focus on him as she pressed the heel of one of her hands to her throbbing temple and winced painfully.</p><p>"What are you talking about?" she asked warily.  "What was that?"</p><p>"That was <i>entirely</i> inappropriate, is what that was!  Who gave you the right?" he continued furiously.</p><p>"Doctor, please, I don't understand.  What just happened?"</p><p>"You nearly ruined it all!  That's what just happened!" he snapped.  "The whole time you've been here you've insisted on keeping the future a secret, afraid to cause any paradoxes, but now you go and do something like <i>that</i>, nearly causing the greatest paradox of them all!"</p><p>"What are you talking about?" Rose repeated groggily.  "I didn't do anything!"</p><p>"You nearly created a bond, is what you did!" the Doctor insisted adamantly.  "An irrevocable, unbreakable telepathic bond.  Do you have any idea what that could have done to the timelines?  Do you have any idea how close you were to destroying your whole future, as well as my own?"</p><p>Rose watched helplessly as he turned his back on her and muttered, "No.  Of course you don't understand.  Because you're just a silly little human who doesn't have any idea what she's doing.  I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to even attempt something like this.  Your species simply isn't ready for it.  You're not biologically suited for higher levels of communication or reasoning processes.  You're simply unequipped to handle the responsibility of it."</p><p>Rose's mouth fell open, but she found that she was being silenced by her own sense of overwhelming, indignant shock.  The moment of silence didn't last long, though, before she straightened her spine and leveled a dark, dangerous glare on him.</p><p>"How <i>dare</i> you," she hissed angrily.  "<i>You</i> were the one who started all this in the first place, not me!  Don't blame me for losing control - I'm not the only one at fault!  And don't you <i>dare</i> presume to know anything about me, let alone my species, you hopeless, bloody idiot!"</p><p>The Doctor whirled on her with fire in his eyes, but Rose didn't allow him the chance to make any sort of response as she continued to shout, "And how dare you treat me like a child when you, yourself, are barely an adolescent?  Don't talk to me about being 'seven-times my age' - I was just in your head, Doctor.  Compared to the man who I travel with, you'er barely more than a <i>kid</i>.  So who are you to talk down to me like that?"</p><p>"Young lady, I rather think ..."</p><p>"Oh, so I'm 'young lady' again, then, am I?" Rose cut him off irritably.</p><p>"<i>Rose</i>," the Doctor insisted through gritted teeth.  "You don't understand ..."</p><p>"Yeah, well, neither do you!" she snapped, matching his severe glare with one of her own as anger swallowed up her hurt and she viciously lashed out at him in an attempt to conceal her own broken heart.</p><p>She had just had one of the most intense and inexplicable experiences of her life, only to have the Doctor rip it away from her before she even had the chance to truly understand it.  And what's more, he had decided to use the opportunity to remind her of what an underdeveloped child she was as he did so.</p><p>Rose hadn't felt so betrayed and offended since Jimmy Stone.  She thought that she had grown and changed since then; she thought she had learned her lesson - but it seemed that she was destined to make the same, stupid mistakes over and over again, no matter what time or planet she was on.  The thought frustrated her more than words could possibly express.</p><p>She turned on her heel and stalked away from the Doctor before he had the chance to see the angry tears that she could feel pricking at the backs of her eyes.</p><p>"And just where do you think you're doing?" he called after her irritably.</p><p>"Leave me alone, Doctor!" she shouted in response, not even bothering to cast a last, lingering glare in his direction.  The truth was that she had no idea where she was going, she just knew that she wanted to be as far away from him as possible so that she could have the chance to lick her emotional and telepathic wounds in peace.  "Don't you dare follow me, else I'll smack you so hard you'll regenerate right here and now - don't think I won't!"</p><p>Her poisonous tone must have been convincing enough as she stomped away from him, because the Doctor didn't even attempt to run after her or shout any sort of response in return.</p><p>As she went, Rose's gaze fell on the thick line of foliage hugging the edge of the field before her.  It seemed as good a place as any to hide.  She certainly didn't plan on just waiting around out here in the open and hoping that the Doctor would heed her words and leave her alone.  She wanted seclusion, darkness, and isolation - and the large, thick trees with their shining silver leaves seemed to be just the place.</p><p>She had half a mind to simply walk back towards the barn by herself - she was relatively sure that she knew the way, after all.  But she couldn't deny the fact that she wanted to see the Doctor come crawling back to her to apologize - after she had had some time away from him to cool off, of course.  She knew she was in the right here, and he was in the wrong - she just wished, for once, that he could figure that out on his own.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>--------------------</p>
</div><i>I've gone too far, just as I always knew that I would.  It was a bad idea to seek contact with her in the first place, let alone allow it to continue for as long as it did.  But how can I blame her for seeking more when my own mind was practically begging her for just that?</i><p>
  <i>She calls me a child - maybe she's right; but I know that she's too precious, too perfect, to be shackled to one such as me.  She has no idea the fire that she's playing with.  I fear it will consume us both.</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter Fifteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Let's see if we can fix this train wreck ...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose lost track of time almost immediately as she wandered further into the dark, alien forest.  All the leaves on the trees were silver, and the thick canopy overhead seemed to be reflecting the sun back at the blue Gallifreyan sky above.  It left the ground below shaded, cool, and almost eerily silent.  There was nothing but the sound of her own breath and the sensation of her own hurt feelings to keep her company.</p>
<p>It wasn't until the shadows around her began to darken and lengthen that Rose decided that it might be a good idea to start heading back towards the old barn again.  She still wasn't sure if she was ready to face the Doctor, and she certainly hadn't forgiven him, but the dark forest didn't seem like a particularly safe place to camp out for the night.  She was also exhausted from the early morning wake-up call and the long day of physical and emotional exercise.</p>
<p>However, Rose didn't realize until it was too late that she had managed to get herself quite lost during her angered retreat.  No matter which direction she took or how long she wandered, she couldn't quite seem to find any break in the trees that would offer her any hint as to her whereabouts.</p>
<p>The twin suns overhead hadn't fully set yet, but the shade beneath the trees was thick and it set a deep chill in her bones.  When it got to the point where she was having difficulty making out her own fee through the permeating darkness, Rose finally swallowed her pride and resorted to shouting for help.</p>
<p>She cried out until it was too dark to move safely without tripping and falling.  She leaned up against the nearest tree trunk and continued to shout until her throat felt raw and she couldn't speak without her voice cracking.</p>
<p>After that, she finally sank to the forest floor with her arms wrapped tight around her knees and admitted defeat.  She allowed all of the tears that she had been holding back finally let loose.  She cried for her family, who was so far away and probably worried sick about her.  She cried for the Doctor - the one in the future, who could have been anywhere in time and space.  She had no way of knowing if he was alright, if he was in danger, if he needed her.  She cried for this Doctor, as well - the one who she had just stormed out on in anger.  She was frustrated by his lack of understanding and all of the secrets that they still kept from one another.</p>
<p>She cried for herself, too - for all the years that she had spent alone in that parallel world and all the time that she had suffered while trying to find the Doctor again.  She cried for the fact that, in just a few days, she would be forced to go right back to the stifling prison cell of her parallel world with no promise that her next excursion might finally lead her back to the one man in all of creation who she needed most to find.  She cried for the fact that she had fallen - much too hard and much too fast - for the most impossible, ridiculous, infuriating alien in all of time and space, and now there was no way that she could ever be satisfied with anyone else.  No matter how many times he hurt her - purposefully or otherwise - Rose was stuck.</p>
<p>She used to think it was romantic; now she just thought it was sad.  Because the truth was that she had no idea if it was even possible for such a mad alien to settle down and be satisfied with a simple, human girl.  She had no idea if the Doctor would ever repeat for her the three words that she had given to him at Bad Wolf Bay.  And even if he did, would he ever actually be able to mean them?</p>
<p>Rose's tears soaked into the fibers of her borrowed skirts as she let out years of pent-up frustration and heartache with abandon.  When at last she had no voice left to cry out for help, and no tears left to shed, she finally pulled her dark cloak around her shoulders and curled her feet up beneath its hem.  There was nothing to do now except wait - though for what, she didn't quite know.  Someone would have to find her eventually, wouldn't they?  Maybe when the suns dawned again in the morning, they would give her a better sense of direction, and she would be able to find her way out of this mess.</p>
<p>Still, she was plagued by fear as her thoughts raced through scenarios on what the Doctor was currently doing.  Had he abandoned her in his fit of anger and returned back to the barn hours ago?  Was he waiting impatiently for her to show up and apologize or maybe continue their row?  OR had he followed her into the forest after all?  was he out there somewhere searching for her?  Was he just as lost as she was?</p>
<p>Her answer came a few hours later, though Rose was having trouble keeping track of both time and reality as her mind kept drifting through stages of hazy, exhausted consciousness, and restless, life-like dreams.  However, she was relatively certain that at some point in the night, when it was too dark for her to see her hand shivering two inches in front of her face, a pair of arms wrapped firmly around her.  She was soon greeted with the familiar melody of a bi-cardiovascular system thrumming against her ear.</p>
<p>"Cold," she muttered, her voice still rough and cracked from all of the shouting she had done earlier.  She now sounded even weaker as her muscles spasmed violently in the chill night air.</p>
<p>"I know, my dear, hush now," a weary voice instructed her gently.</p>
<p>"Don't take me back," she groaned pathetically.  "Please don't make me go back."</p>
<p>"Back where, love?"</p>
<p>"That place, that universe.  I can't go back.  Please, I don't want to do any more jumps."</p>
<p>"Shh," the voice soothed her quietly.  "It's all going to be alright."</p>
<p>"No more ... so tired ..." she muttered groggily.</p>
<p>"So sleep, love.  I've got you.  You're safe."</p>
<p>Rose's exhausted mind and body didn't need to hear any further arguments than that, and this time when unconsciousness fell over her, she stayed asleep.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>--------------------</p>
</div>When Rose woke again, the first thing that she noticed was that she was stiff and aching all over.  The second thing that she realized was that despite the fact that there was a small fire blazing just a few feet away from her, she was freezing cold.<p>She shivered violently and just managed to suppress the pained, pathetic moan that rose up in her throat as every muscle in her body protested the movement.  She screwed her eyes shut tighter in a wince as she huddled closer to the small warmth before her that was doing little to keep out the deep chill of the night.</p>
<p>"It was very foolish of you to run away," a small, quite voice informed her.  "You could have very easily died out here."</p>
<p>When Rose managed to crack one of her eyes open, she found the source of the disapproving voice sitting at the opposite end of the fire from her and leveling an angry glare in her direction.</p>
<p>"You are not biologically equipped to make it through a night in the elements by yourself, let alone out here in the wilderness, where anything or anyone could have found you," the Doctor continued in a low, frustrated tone.  "You put your own life at risk out of sheer stubbornness.  Why would you do something like that, Rose?"</p>
<p>"Why do you care?"  Her voice was nothing more than a gruff rasp as she spoke over her strained vocal chords.  Rose winched yet again as pain and weariness spread over her body like a blanket that offered no warmth or comfort.</p>
<p>Her words only seemed to deepen the Doctor's scowl, but she found that she couldn't quite bring herself to care.  She was still mad at him, after all, and if he really wanted to pick up their row where they had left off, then that was his choice.  <i>He</i> was the one who had come looking for <i>her</i> - so he would just have to deal with the consequences of that decision.</p>
<p>However, despite his vicious scowl, the Doctor's words were low and rueful as he muttered, " I care a great deal, Rose - about far more than just your safety and wellbeing, I assure you."  His pale, changeable eyes were positively glowing in the dark as he looked at her over the flame of the small fire and met her gaze.  "I didn't know if I was going to be able to find you again," he admitted quietly.  "I was terrified that you were lost for good, or that I would be too late.  There was no way to know for sure if you were alright."  He sighed and shook his head before continuing adamantly, "Rose, I nearly lost my mind with worry.  Please, don't ever run off like that again."</p>
<p>Rose had many things that she wanted to say in response to that, but she was simply too tired.  If she was being honest with herself, she was also still slightly hurt by the Doctor's utter dismissal of her earlier in the day.  So instead, she simply closed her eyes with a sigh and refused to meet his gaze.  She burrowed down deeper into her cloak and folded in on herself in her own form of silent dismissal.</p>
<p>However, her eyelids snapped back open in surprise a moment later when she heard shuffling sounds and suddenly felt an unfamiliar, heavy warmth falling over her shoulders.  She flashed the Doctor a deeply suspicious look as he awkwardly adjusted his jacket over her.  His movements were stiff and hesitant, as though he expected her to reach up and slap his hands away at any moment.</p>
<p>Once again, Rose had many things that she wanted to say, but all that she managed to get out was, "What about you?"</p>
<p>"Don't worry about me, dear Rose," he assured her confidently.  "My Time Lord physiology is much better suited to lower temperatures than yours.  I will be quite alright as I am."</p>
<p>Rose's deadpan, irritated look instantly sobered the Doctor.  She watched as his assured smile dissipated and he heaved a small, defeated sigh instead.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, Rose," he muttered quietly.  He was still hovering near where she was lying on the ground, but he was very pointedly not invading the small bubble of space around her.  He hung his head in a look of regret and continued, "I really am truly, deeply sorry.  I did not mean ...  That is to say ...  I wasn't ..."</p>
<p>Rose had never seen the Doctor at such a loss for words in all the years that she had known him.  Before she could think better of it, she reached forward and gently grabbed his hand with her own.  She realized too late that this was probably breaching some unspoken line of propriety that he wanted to keep between them.  She watched him with wary anticipation, waiting for him to shrug off her small touch of concern and put her back at arm's length again.</p>
<p>However, she was shocked when, instead, he seized upon the opportunity and quickly pulled her hand closer.  He bent forward and pressed a long, lingering kiss to her knuckles.  His eyes were closed, as though he were attempting to concentrate very hard on something, or perhaps he was simply struggling to find the right words again.  His brows furrowed in a look of frustration before he heaved another long, weary sigh.</p>
<p>When he finally attempted to meet her gaze once more, his expression was nervously hesitant.  He leaned closer and muttered, "Please, Rose, will you ever be able to forgive me?"</p>
<p>She still wasn't sure if she was ready to completely forgive him or not, but her heart had always been far too easily swayed by the Doctor's big, sad eyes.  She graced him with a small smile and replied quietly, "Well, you've got eight-hundred years to make it up to me.  Surely that's enough time - even for <i>you</i>."</p>
<p>Her words startled a light, breathy laugh out of him.  Rose could practically feel her weary limbs mending back together again along with her broken heart as she gazed up at the soft, boyish smile that she had come to love so much in such a short amount of time.</p>
<p>He pressed another lingering kiss to her knuckles before he leveled his intense gaze back on her once more.  "Tell me, Rose, truly - are you alright?" he asked gently.  "I was quite concerned about you.  You're not injured, are you?"</p>
<p>"No," Rose replied weakly.  "Just tired."</p>
<p>"Sleep, then," he urged.  "You need your rest.  You'll feel better in the morning, I'm certain of it."</p>
<p>However, when he attempted to drop her hand and step away again, Rose used what little strength she had left to cling tightly to his fingers.  "Stay," she whispered sleepily.</p>
<p>Her eyelids had already fallen shut again, and she was well on her way back into unconsciousness.  She was unable to read the Doctor's expression, but she could feel his hesitation as he hovered over her in a moment of indecision.</p>
<p>Her thoughts were going fuzzy again, but she was relatively certain that she heard him heave another sigh, and then her head was suddenly being propped up by a thin, lithe arm.  She hummed contentedly as she snuggled tighter into the warmth that was now enveloping her.  Another protective arm came around her middle and she eagerly grasped the hand that went with it, her fingers tightening around it like a lifeline as sleep rose up to claim her.</p>
<p>There were words in some sort of unidentifiable, musical language being whispered against her ear.  Rose swore that if she could only force herself to concentrate for long enough, she would be able to work out their meaning.  However, her mind and her body were both working against her, and she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep before she could decipher what was being said.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>--------------------</p>
</div><i>She's as impossible as a paradox, as dangerous as an open flame, as beautiful as the dawn rising over the glass dome of the Citadel, and I am entirely unprepared to give her up.</i><p>
  <i>But her bright, golden timelines have already spelled out our combined fate.  I am a slave to those golden tendrils just as much as I am a slave to her.  Time has already written certain chapters in our story that I have not yet read, and there is no way I can skip ahead.  As much as I may protest, there are no loopholes this time.</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter Sixteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Rose next awoke again, she found herself in the exact same position that she had fallen asleep in.  Her muscles were still stiff from sleeping on the ground and not moving an inch throughout the night, but she felt much better than she had the night before, when her entire body had been racked with uncontrollable shivering.</p><p>She sighed quietly and tightened her grip on the jacket that was still warming her shoulders.  She tried not to startle when she felt the fingers of a strange hand suddenly tightening around hers.  She realized belatedly that the Doctor was still at her back, his arm wrapped around her middle and his cool hand grasping hers.</p><p>He didn't say anything, but Rose could tell that he as already awake, and likely had remained that way through much of the night.</p><p>"Did you sleep at all?" Rose asked warily as she traced his thumb with her own in a show of quiet concern.</p><p>There was a long pause before he eventually replied.  Despite the fact that she couldn't see his expression, Rose was certain that he was speaking through a smile.</p><p>"I dearly wish that I could lie and reassure you, Rose," he muttered quietly.  "But I will not."  He shifted slightly so that he could lean forward and press a quick, chaste kiss to the sensitive space behind her ear before he added, "I am certain that you would be able to see through any ruse I might attempt anyway, my dear."</p><p>Despite the fact that ever single one of Rose's muscles were more exhausted than they had been in a very long time, she still found herself struggling to suppress the shiver that she felt racing down her spine at the sensation of the Doctor's lips against her sensitive skin.  The soft sound of his voice vibrated through her back and filled her chest with warmth.</p><p>The Doctor must have mistaken her shiver as a response to the lingering cold that still permeated the shaded forest around them.  He responded by tightening his hold on her once again and drawing her as close to him as she could possibly get.  His skin had always run a few degrees cooler than her own, so she suspected that the warmth that emanated between them now was something that could be controlled and was completely for her benefit.</p><p>Rose didn't bother to ask questions as she settled back against him and eagerly accepted both his closeness and his added body heat, though she did make a mental note to bring it up again at another time when she was in a better state of mind for learning about Time Lord physiology.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Doctor," Rose whispered as she gently stroked her thumb against his once more.</p><p>"Hmm?  What's that now, my dear?" the Doctor replied curiously.  "What could you possibly have to apologize for?"</p><p>"I'm sorry for running away," she muttered lamely.  "And I'm sorry for making you worry.  I didn't think ... I didn't know that you were going to try and chase after me."  She paused as she slowly raised their clasped hands and pressed her lips to one of his fingers in a lingering kiss.  "I'm glad that you did, though," she admitted gently under her breath.</p><p>The Doctor tightened his grip on her fingers for a moment in silent response before slowly releasing her hand so that he could move his fingers to her chin and tilt her head pointedly in his direction.  He sat up slightly so that he could finally meet her face-to-face.</p><p>Rose had seen many different expressions on the Doctor during her time of knowing him, and she had seen them each on several different faces, but she found that nothing quite prepared her for the soft, quiet look that he greeted her with that morning.  It was a look that she wasn't sure if she would ever be able to forget - a look that she wished that she could wake up to <i>every</i> morning.</p><p>His pale, intense eyes were slightly hooded as he brought his hand to the side of her face and slowly traced his thumb across her cheek.  "I assure you there will never be any question of that, dear Rose," he informed her quietly.  "I will always come for you."</p><p>"You can't promise me that, Doctor," Rose replied breathlessly, "especially not when I'll be leaving so soon.  You have no idea what's waiting for me back where I come from."</p><p>The Doctor met her gaze in intent silence for a moment before he raised one of his furrowed brows and insisted vehemently, "I think you are forgetting that I'm a Time Lord, Rose.  I believe I have an intimate knowledge of what '<i>always</i>' means, and you must believe me when I say that I <i>mean</i> it."</p><p>Before she could question his vow any further, he slowly leaned closer and Rose swore that time suddenly slipped into slow motion as he gently put his lips to the side of her head and pressed a gentle kiss to her temple.  Rose's eyes slipped shut automatically as she once more felt another presence encompassing her mind.</p><p>The Doctor didn't attempt to make contact with her this time, but with a simple brush of his skin against hers, he was able to convey all at once his deep sorrow and remorse for how he had treated her as well as his uncontrollable fear when he had thought that he would never be able to find her again, or considered the possibility that she might be hurt on his account.  He also didn't attempt to hide from her how unwilling he was to experience her imminent departure, especially in the wake of the pleasant sensation that was swelling in his chest as he held her warm, human body in the relative safety of his arms.</p><p>Having his projected longing added to her own made Rose feel as though she was going to burst.  When the Doctor finally pulled away, she didn't let him go very far before she raised a hand to the back of his neck and forced his lips back down onto her own.  Even after all that they had been through, she had still expected him to be stiff and awkward when she suddenly bombarded him with such close, physical affection.  However, she was pleasantly surprised when he simply seemed to melt against her instead.</p><p>The kiss was like nothing that Rose had ever experienced with the Doctor before in any regeneration - though she had spent far more time than she cared to admit fantasizing about it.  Until this point, every time that she had had the opportunity to snog the Doctor, the two of them had been interrupted or distracted by some drastic disturbance or another.  Now, however, she found that she had all the time in the world to taste and explore, and she seized upon the opportunity with all of the greed that four long years of pining had generated within her.</p><p>Rose was surprised to find that the Doctor seemed only too happy to oblige her, but she wasn't about to pause and start asking his opinion on the matter as she traced his bottom lip with the tip of her tongue and silently begged him for more.  When he met her searching tongue with his own, he was curious but not hesitant as he allowed her to pull him into a deeper kiss than Rose had ever thought that she would have the chance to experience with the Doctor.  He made a growling noise deep in his chest that vibrated against Rose's lips and only encouraged her further.</p><p>She only managed to pull away when her human lungs began burning with their need for oxygen and she forced herself to relinquish the Doctor's lips in favor of sucking in a fresh gasp of air.  However, the Doctor seemed reluctant to let her go so easily, and he only allowed her a moment's respite before chasing after her and continuing to snog her senseless.</p><p>"Doctor ..." Rose gasped breathlessly against him.</p><p>The only response that he gave to indicate that he heard her was another soft growl rumbling between them as he brought his teeth down around her bottom lip.</p><p>"You know," he muttered as he continued to press long, lingering kisses against her mouth, "you're the only one who's ever called me that."</p><p>Rose made an inquisitive noise against his lips, waiting until he released her once more to ask, "What do others call you, then?  You never did tell me your real name."</p><p>"No one uses real names on Gallifrey," the Doctor informed her as he finally pressed one last, hard kiss to her lips and then sat back and resumed his careful inspection of her.</p><p>"Why not?"  Rose fought desperately not to lose herself in his intense, changeable eyes and did her best to focus on at last getting some sort of honest answer out of him.</p><p>"Well," the Doctor muttered consideringly, "for one thing, they're terribly long and difficult to pronounce.  Leave it to the Time Lords to make even a simple naming process as strenuous and involved as possible."</p><p>Rose giggled good-naturedly as the Doctor gave a dramatic roll of his eyes.  Her noises of amusement brought an answering smile to his lips, which Rose reached up and eagerly traced with his fingertips.</p><p>"We generally call one another by nicknames instead," he continued to explain simply.</p><p>"And yours?" Rose asked expectantly.  "What do others call you?"</p><p>The Doctor made a soft, uninterested noise before he replied, "Most of my peers and professors at the Academy call me Theta Sigma - or 'Theta', for short."  He furrowed his brow in confusion for a moment before adding, "Have I really never told you that before?"</p><p>When Rose slowly shook her head in response, he gave a small shrug and muttered dismissively, "No, I suppose I wouldn't, would I?  Whenever I eventually get around to graduating, I'll take on my new title, and that's how I'll introduce myself to the world from that point on.  It's just strange, you know - to go so long hearing people call me one thing only for it to suddenly change one day.  You know, in all this time that we've spent together, I've already nearly forgotten the name 'Theta'."</p><p>"What does it mean?" Rose asked curiously.</p><p>The Doctor responded with another silently furrowed brow.  Rose rolled her eyes teasingly and continued, "Well, every name has a meaning, doesn't it?  Like 'the Doctor'."</p><p>She watched as a slow smile stretched across his features before he replied just as teasingly, "Like 'Rose'."</p><p>She matched his easy smile before raising a pointed eyebrow at him and forcing herself away from his embrace so that she could sit up again.  "Fine, don't tell me, then," she sighed dramatically.  "Still, I suppose it's more information than I ever hoped to get before."</p><p>Now that it was mid-morning, Rose was finally able to get a better look at her surroundings.  She wrapped her arms around her knees and slowly perused the area that the Doctor had brought them to.  The remnants of the fire that she could remember from the night before was still glowing dimly just before her, and there was some sort of stone surface at her back, which protruded slightly over their heads and had apparently offered them shelter overnight.  The rest of the forest that she had gotten lost in yesterday laid out around them, the shadows beneath the canopy of silver leaves still dim despite the mid-morning light that lit the rest of Gallifrey's surface outside.</p><p>"So?" Rose asked conversationally as she squinted out at their dark surroundings.  "Just how lost did I manage to get us?"</p><p>"The town's only a few hours away," the Doctor assured her as he slowly rose to a sitting position beside her.  "It won't take us long to walk back."  He paused for a moment, and though Rose didn't turn to look at him, she could feel his concerned, assessing gaze on her as he added, "Do you think you'll be able to make it?"</p><p>"Don't make a fuss," Rose sighed dramatically.  She rolled her eyes and forced herself to her feet despite the weary protests of her aching limbs.  She stubbornly forced herself to remain steady and upright to prove to him that she was fine, but she found that doing so was far more difficult than it should have been.</p><p>"One night in the woods isn't enough to make me a complete invalid," she assured him as casually as possible.  "Everything still seems to be in working order.  I'll be fine."</p><p>The Doctor didn't respond as he slowly rose to join her, but she could see the tight set to his jaw and the wary look in his eyes as he continued to assess each tiny movement that she made.</p><p>Rose gave him the most confident grin she could manage as she reached her hand out into the empty space between them and wiggled her fingers at him invitingly.  He answered her silent request without a second thought, his own fingers easily sliding between hers and holding her to him with the same, easy confidence that she had always shared with his future selves.</p><p>He pulled her closer so that he could press another soft kiss into the crown of her head.  The gentle gesture made something warm and sweet bloom in Rose's chest, but it was the only moment of concern that she was willing to allow him for the time being.  She flashed him another smile before pulling pointedly against him and nodding her head towards the trees to indicate that she was eager to get back and that she was waiting for him to lead the way.</p><p>The Doctor followed her silent instruction obediently, but his expression had fallen into another deep scowl as he set their path forward and he slowly led her through the thick, alien forest.</p><p>His fingers tightened around hers, and Rose was surprised when, once again, no contact between them had to be made before she was suddenly hearing the Doctor's voice in her head without him having to speak the words out loud.</p><p>
  <i>Tomorrow you will have to leave.</i>
</p><p>The heartbreaking sense of sorrow that followed the words nearly stole all the breath from Rose's lungs as she gazed up at him in concern and confusion.  She had never experienced this silent form of conversation before, and she wasn't entirely certain of how it was meant to work.  Not only that, but she wasn't sure how she was supposed to comfort the Doctor's concern when she, herself, was entirely unprepared to leave Gallifrey and return home once more.</p><p>She did her best to focus her thoughts on the positive - to remind them both that they still had today, and that there was (hopefully) still much to look forward to in their combined futures, if she was ever able to make it back to him in her own time.  She didn't quite know how to convey all of this to the Doctor, but he seemed to somehow receive it anyway, and he responded silently once more with a wave of devotion and fondness that nearly made her knees weak.</p><p><i>Always,</i> she heard him whisper silently into her mind as he turned and granted her a slow, sidelong smile.  <i>It's a promise that I plan to keep, Rose Tyler.</i></p><div class="center">
  <p>--------------------</p>
</div><i>The smell of her has seeped into the fibers of my jacket, the taste of her lingers on the back of my tongue, the golden ghost of her presence haunts the recesses of my mind.</i><p>
  <i>She is like a drug and I am the bloody fool who can't give her up.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I see now why the Time Lords always seem so wary of emotion, especially in the case of relationships.  It is a dangerous, heady thing, and only someone as daft as I am would ever walk blindly into it.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I have never been so tempted to cheat the timelines.</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter Seventeen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the time the two of them eventually snuck back into the Doctor's old barn again, it was nearly midday.  Without Rose having to say a single word, the Doctor hastily ushered her inside and then promptly disappeared.  He returned a few moments later with a freshly-brewed thermos of tea and enough food for two, though she already knew that he wouldn't be joining her.  Since she hadn't eaten anything since yesterday's lunch, the double portion was just enough to satisfy her famished hunger.</p>
<p>Once the Doctor was assured that she was adequately provided for, he pressed a quick kiss to her temple and flooded her mind with a sense of contentment and pleased approval before he turned his back on her and silently returned to piecing the dimension cannon back together again.</p>
<p>After her belly was sufficiently full and the majority of her tea drained, Rose had half a mind to offer her help.  However, she ended up losing herself in thought while she simply watched him instead.  His intent, curious focus was so much like the man who she had originally fallen in love with, but for once, his youthful features matched his childlike eagerness.  She could feel her heart overflowing with fondness for this daft, impossible alien who somehow managed to always stay the same, no matter how much time or how many faces he passed through.</p>
<p>"You're being very distracting, you know," the Doctor interrupted her wandering thoughts matter-of-factly.</p>
<p>"What are you talking about?" Rose replied defensively.  "I'm not doing anything but sitting here."</p>
<p>"You're <i>thinking</i>," he insisted.  He raised his gaze to hers for a moment before turning pointedly back to his work.  However, there was a small smile turning up the edge of his lips that he couldn't quite manage to conceal.</p>
<p>"And how is that distracting you?" Rose huffed sarcastically as she simply continued to watch him.  "What, are you saying I'm not allowed to daydream?"</p>
<p>"Not when I am trying very hard to focus on this work," the Doctor replied.  "If you ever want to get back to your original time and place, dear Rose, you will kindly keep your thoughts to yourself."</p>
<p>Rose screwed her eyebrows up in a look of curious confusion as she tilted her head to the side.  "Are you being serious?" she asked.  "Can you really hear my thoughts from that far away?"</p>
<p>"It's ... a bit more complicated than that," the Doctor muttered evasively.  The small smile finally slipped from his features and his brows furrowed over his pale, intense gaze again.</p>
<p>"Explain it, then."  Rose slowly stood and rounded the table she had been sitting at so that she could come nearer to where the Doctor sat on his stool, hunched over his work.  She leaned against the table in front of him so that they were of a similar height and situated so that they were facing one another directly.</p>
<p>"Is it because of ...?"  Her words trailed off for a moment as Rose nervously dropped her gaze to the ground.  She tried desperately to hide her blushing cheeks from him.  "Well, I mean, yesterday was the first time I've experienced that 'contact' thing.  Is it something to do with that?"</p>
<p>The Doctor was silent for a very long moment after she made her quiet confession.  When Rose finally had the courage to glance up and meet his gaze once more, she was surprised to find that he looked rather pale.</p>
<p>"Doctor?" she asked in concern.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," he muttered hastily.  The words fell from his lips as though they were outside of his control.  "I should have asked ...  I just assumed ...  I didn't know ..."</p>
<p>"Doctor, what's wrong?" Rose insisted.  She watched as his look of panic began to grow and intensify.</p>
<p>"I thought you and him ..."  The Doctor's brow furrowed for a moment as he seemed to struggle to find the right words.  He shook his head slightly in frustration and continued, "Have you really never done that before?  You've never ... had contact?"</p>
<p>Rose slowly shook her head in response.  The Doctor dropped his shocked gaze to his hands as he let out a long, ragged breath.</p>
<p>"Why?" she asked as she watched him hesitantly.  "Have you?"</p>
<p>The Doctor slowly met her gaze again as he silently shook his head back and forth.  "Not like that, Rose," he muttered quietly.  "Not with anyone, not ever."</p>
<p>"Oh," she replied awkwardly.  "That's ... good, I think."  She tilted her head in question once more as she nervously asked, "Is that good?"</p>
<p>She watched as a small, baffled smile slowly turned up his features.  It made him look somehow twice as young as he already did.  The Doctor shook his head again as he dropped his gaze back to his hands and replied hesitantly, "It is ... not something that two <i>friends</i> are known to do together.  Not <i>that</i> sort of contact, at least."</p>
<p>Before Rose could formulate any sort of response to that, he slowly raised his gaze back to hers again.  He focused a slow, considering look in her direction as he continued, "Why have you not done this before?  I thought ... you and the Doctor ..."</p>
<p>Rose's gaze immediately fell to the floor between her feet as she felt a mixture of confusion and shame suddenly rush over her.  He had a point, after all - why <i>hadn't</i> the Doctor ever attempted contact like that with her before?  And why hadn't he ever kissed her in that slow, measured way that this man had done earlier that morning?  Rose really had thought that perhaps the Doctor in her timeline was beginning to love her in the same way that she loved him, but what if she had been wrong?</p>
<p>And worse yet, what if she had given <i>this</i> younger Doctor the wrong impression about their future relationship?  Was that the only reason that he had attempted all of those things with her?  Was it because he thought that she was closer to his future self than she actually was?  Had she really dug herself into this embarrassing pit of heartache and misery just because she was unable to read the Doctor's affections correctly?</p>
<p>Before Rose could completely lose herself in her own sense of doubt and fear, the Doctor quickly set the dimension cannon down on the table and rose to stand directly in front of her.  "No, Rose, please, I didn't mean ..." he attempted hesitantly.</p>
<p>He heaved a small sigh before he reached forward and gently framed her face between his two hands.  He tilted her head back and forced her to look up at him.  He was staring at her with an expression that was filled with an awe that Rose didn't quite understand.</p>
<p>"Every time I think I have you figured out, my dear, you once again prove to me what a naive and incompetent fool I really am," he muttered quietly.  A small, wry smile was turning up his features as he watched her.</p>
<p>"Don't say that, Doctor," Rose chided him gently.  "You're the most clever man I know."</p>
<p>"Not half so clever as you, dear Rose," he assured her.  He slowly leaned forward so that he could press a soft, reverent kiss to her cheek.</p>
<p>"You should not doubt him," he whispered, his breath ghosting against her skin and making her shiver beneath his touch.  "And you <i>certainly</i> shouldn't doubt yourself."</p>
<p>"So what is it, then?" Rose asked warily as the Doctor stepped back to look her in the eye again.  "This 'contact' thing, I mean.  Why's it so important?"</p>
<p>"Well, I don't let just <i>anyone</i> into my mind like that."  He raised a sarcastic brow at her as he added, "And I certainly hope that <i>you</i> aren't in the habit of letting random men into <i>your</i> head, either."</p>
<p>Rose smiled up at him despite herself as she slowly shook her head from side to side.  "I already told you, Doctor - you're my first," she replied teasingly.</p>
<p>The wide, beaming grin that lit up his face at the sound of that made Rose's heart soar.  He leaned forward to press his lips to her forehead next.  Her eyelids instantly slipped shut as she eagerly accepted the soft, tender caress of his thumbs against her cheeks.</p>
<p>"It's rather silly, I know," he sighed as he bent to press his forehead to hers and they simply stood there, content in each other's closeness, "but it is difficult, at times, not to feel a certain amount of jealousy for my future self.  He has seen so much, done so much, been so many different people.  He even has the great Rose Tyler at his side to help him make his way through the universe.  I daresay that that fact alone would be enough to make any man jealous."</p>
<p>Rose breathed a small, amused laugh into the small space between them.  The Doctor responded by taking another step closer to her.  They were so close now that they were nearly flush with one another as he gently pressed her up against his work table.</p>
<p>"Now, however," he whispered, "it appears I've finally beat him at last."</p>
<p>"It's not a competition," Rose reminded him.</p>
<p>"Isn't it?"</p>
<p>Before Rose could make any sort of response to that, his lips were on hers again.  She felt as though she was melting beneath his slow, gentle touch.  It was hard not to be slightly bitter over the fact that she had waited so long to have this sort of intimacy with the Doctor, only to be forced to go right back to the complicated "will-they-won't-they" relationship with the man who was waiting for her back in her own timeline.</p>
<p>"Bloody fool," the Doctor murmured against her lips in between long, heated kisses.</p>
<p>"Who is?" she asked breathlessly.</p>
<p>"I am."</p>
<p>It wasn't until he finally forced himself to pause and lean his forehead against hers once more that the Doctor elaborated, "You mustn't blame him for being so cautious, Rose.  It is in his nature to love too soon and to deeply.  No doubt his nine-hundred years of experience have not been easy on his hearts."</p>
<p>"But ..." Rose protested weakly, "I've known <i>you</i> for less than a week, and already I've done more with you than he would have ever allowed me, and I've known him for two years!  Longer, really, if you count all of the time we've spent apart."  She shook her head sadly as she muttered in defeat, "Maybe I was wrong.  Maybe he really <i>doesn't</i> care for me the way I thought ..."</p>
<p>Her words trailed away on a gasp as her mind was suddenly flooded with images of bright, golden lines tangling around one another and stretching into infinity before her.  They were beautiful and terrifying, clear and confusing all at once.</p>
<p>She felt her heartbeat hammering in her chest as she breathed, "Doctor, what ...?"</p>
<p><i>These are our timelines, Rose,</i> he informed her silently, reaching out and speaking mind-to-mind with her once more in a way that was beginning to feel almost natural between the two of them.  <i>This is what I see every time I look at you.  This is how I know that we are always meant to be together - in every timeline, in every universe, forever.</i></p>
<p>"They're beautiful," Rose sighed in wonder.  She was relatively certain that her eyelids had slipped shut at some point, but she could still see the image that the Doctor was projecting into her mind as clearly as though it were directly before her.</p>
<p>At her words, the image shifted and suddenly there was a young, blonde girl standing there amongst the timelines.  She had a sweet, teasing smile on her lips.  Rose recognized the young woman's features as her own, though the image in the Doctor's head was far grander than anything that she had ever observed in a mirror.  It wasn't that there weren't any flaws or inaccurate features to this Rose.  It was simply as though the things that Rose saw as weaknesses, the Doctor saw as strengths, and the things that she criticized about herself in his mind were cherished and adored.</p>
<p>She made a choked, desperate noise in the back of her throat as the sensations filling her mind threatened to overwhelm her.  She wasn't nearly ready to let go of this precious new gift that she had been granted.</p>
<p>She slowly raised her hands to the Doctor's face, her fingertips inching hesitantly towards his temples as she silently begged for more.  <i>Please,</i> she sighed, pressing the sentiment as desperately as she could into his skin.  <i>Please, just once more.</i></p>
<p>The Doctor's hands immediately fell away from her face, but before Rose had the chance to misinterpret this response as a denial, she felt his hands gripping firmly against her hips.  He brought her closer as he eagerly awaited her touch and allowed her to be the one to establish the connection this time.</p>
<p><i>Contact,</i> she whispered the second that her fingertips became flush with the sensitive skin on either side of his head.  They both sighed in unison as they once more bridged what little gap remained between them and slowly filled one another's minds.</p>
<p>Unlike the cautious exploration of the first time that they had created a connection between themselves, this time Rose could sense the purpose and intent behind the Doctor's thoughts.  He instantly rooted out every last hint of doubt in her mind and filled her with a sensation of love and affirmation until there was no way that she could ever again question his feelings towards her again - in this form, or in any other.</p>
<p>She immediately felt the ghost of what he had referred to as a "bond" rise up between them once more.  Its bright, golden light was so warm and tempting that it took all of the shaky resolve that remained between the two of them to keep it at bay.</p>
<p>She could sense the Doctor watching her with some amusement as she curiously inspected the link that was desperately attempting to bind them together.  When Rose refused to be swayed from her interest in the strange anomaly, he shifted his hold on her and suddenly she could feel the cool, welcome sensation of his lips upon hers again.</p>
<p>Rose breathed another contented sigh against him as she silently enjoyed this small, stolen gift that the universe had surprised her with.</p>
<p><i>I've waited so long for this,</i> she murmured silently.</p>
<p><i>I fear I will be forced to wait much longer, my love,</i> the Doctor replied sadly.</p>
<p><i>I'm so sorry, Doctor.</i>  Rose sighed as she tilted her head and pulled him into a deeper kiss.  <i>I didn't mean for things to happen this way.</i></p>
<p><i>Don't apologize, Rose,</i> he insisted.  He shivered under her touch and his grip on her hips tightened.  <i>For you, I would gladly wait a dozen different lifetimes.</i></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>--------------------</p>
</div><i>Sometimes I wonder if all of this is the universe's idea of a joke.  The man who refused to be tied down - the loner, the wanderer - has suddenly been turned into a lovesick fool.</i><p>
  <i>I don't need the wide open skies and room to run, when she makes me feel more lighthearted and free than I've ever been.  I don't need a project to work on or a puzzle to solve when I could spend hours simply investigating the intricacies of her mind.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>The only new adventure that I want is her - and it's the one adventure I cannot have.</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter Eighteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Their progress on the dimension cannon that day was slower than it ever had been.  However, no matter how much the Doctor and Rose attempted to distract themselves and delay the work, the device was completely restored by the time that Gallifrey's twin suns set over the horizon outside.</p><p>The Doctor silently ushered Rose forward and slipped the black band of the cannon around her left wrist.  He refused to meet her eye as he scowled down at the device with a sour expression.</p><p>"Will you show me how it works?" she asked tentatively.  She stepped closer to where he still sat on his stool and gently ran her fingers over the grip that he had kept on her left wrist.</p><p>"It should operate much easier, now," he informed her matter-of-factly.  "I was able to fix all of the kinks that the original designer was not able to foresee.  It should be much more accurate in taking you where you need to go from now on."</p><p>"Good," Rose stated quietly.  "That's ... good."</p><p>The Doctor gave a small, noncommittal nod.  His grip on her wrist tightened slightly as he twisted her arm to better display the cannon's interface screen.  "It works in much the same capacity as it did before, it just has a much more finely-tuned destination selection.  It will be able to hone in on any time or place you choose, and get you there without fuss or delay."</p><p>"Will it ...?  I mean, do you think it can find the Doctor?"</p><p>The Doctor before her made some tense approximation of a smile as he continued to avoid her gaze.  He stared down sadly at the dimension cannon as though it were the single source of all his problems.  "I have taken the liberty of assembling the data that you've already collected while tracking the Doctor's timeline," he replied quietly.  "With the new programs I've installed, it should be quite simple to set an accurate destination.  You should be able to find him at any point that you choose."</p><p>He finally let his hand fall away from her wrist and Rose quickly began fiddling with the new controls that he had added just so that she would have something productive to do with her hands.</p><p>"Rose," the Doctor interrupted her nervously.  "You said, before, that these jumps could be quite dangerous ..."  When she raised her gaze to look at him once more, Rose could see that he was sitting before her with hunched shoulders and an expression that was filled with hopeless defeat.  "I do not know if I can willingly send you into a situation that might cause you significant strain or even physical injury ..."</p><p>"I'll be fine, Doctor," she reassured him quietly.  "I've been on plenty of these jumps before.  The first few times were the hardest, when I was just being sent through the void with no data to go off of.  They've gotten much more controlled since then."  She paused to offer him her own small, bitter smile as she added lightly, "Besides, with this new top-up you've given me, I'm sure the travel will be easier than it's ever been before."</p><p>"But ... I will have no way of knowing for certain," the Doctor muttered in frustration.  His gaze dropped once more to her wrist and another scowl twisted up his features.  "From my perspective you'll just ... disappear.  I'll never know whether or not you made it back to wherever it is that you need to be.  I wish ..."  He heaved a heavy sigh.  His eyelids slipped shut as his expression crumpled once more into a look of defeat.  "I wish more than anything, Rose, that I could go with you."</p><p>"Me, too," she agreed weakly.  She took another cautious step forward and hesitated for only a moment before she reached up and gently began running her fingers through his dark, thick hair in a soothing gesture.</p><p>He breathed another sigh that sounded slightly more contented rather than weary.  He leaned into her touch for a moment and allowed her to project a few calming reassurances into his mind.  When the Doctor finally opened his eyes again, he reached up with one hand to grab her wrist once more, while his other gently snagged her around the waist.  He maneuvered her until she was turned around and leaning against him with her back to his front and his chin resting against her shoulder.  He brought her left wrist up where they could both clearly see it.  He then slowly began to show her the many modifications that he had added to the dimension cannon.</p><p>The patience and care that he so diligently showed for her wasn't at all like the harsh, commanding youth who she had met when she first came to Gallifrey.  Rose silently marveled at how much he had changed in the span of just a few days.  She wondered if it really was her presence alone that had managed to make such a drastic difference in him.  When the Doctor let out a small breath of amusement and pressed a quick kiss to the side of her neck, she realized that he must have sensed her wandering thoughts and was agreeing quite adamantly that his change in attitude was entirely her doing.</p><p>"What will happen to you?" she asked gently when he had finished showing her all of the added modifications.  They had both fallen into a contemplative silence as the light from the Gallifreyan suns slowly sank closer to the horizon outside.  Both of his arms were wrapped tight around her middle, as though he were afraid to let her go, and his nose was buried against her shoulder.</p><p>"What do you mean?" he murmured quietly.</p><p>"I mean, after I leave," Rose elaborated.  "What will happen to you?  Where will you go?  What will you do?"</p><p>He breathed another small sigh against her before he replied warily, "Oh, I suppose I should probably go back to the Academy, don't you agree?  I think it's about time I got the final exams over with and finally rid myself of the infernal place for good."  His grip around her waist tightened ever so slightly as he lowered his voice and whispered, "I find myself far more invested in my future now than I once was.  I think it's time I finally grew up.  In fact, I'm rather eager to take up the name of 'Doctor'."</p><p>"No more 'Theta'?" Rose teased quietly.</p><p>He hummed in quiet agreement as he turned to press his cool lips to her neck once more.  "Who is 'Theta'?" he whispered.  "'Theta' is no one.  'Theta' is a schoolboy trapped on Gallifrey with nothing but his hopes and dreams of seeing the stars to keep him company."</p><p>"I don't know ..." Rose continued playfully.  "I think I was beginning to like Theta, actually."</p><p>He breathed another small laugh that tickled against her skin as he slowly shook his head and replied, "No, my dear, I think I much prefer the Doctor.  He has a time ship and a universe to explore and a young woman named Rose Tyler at his side.  I think I would dearly like to become that man - ideally, as soon as possible."</p><p>"Be careful what you wish for, Doctor."  Rose ran her hands gently over the arms that circled her waist as she stared forlornly around the old, empty barn before her.</p><p>"Why's that, my dear?"</p><p>"It's just ..." she explained slowly, "the man I traveled with - the man I met in my past, and your future - he's been through quite a lot.  I don't know all of it, of course, but I think there are some times when he would have been much happier being you again - just Theta; not someone who the universe turns to every time it needs a bit of help."</p><p>The Doctor was silent for a moment as he contemplated this.  When he eventually replied, he spoke with a tone that was quietly assured and held not even a hint of doubt.  "I suppose that is always the way, isn't it?  We are all of us destined to want what we cannot have."</p><p>Rose's hands stilled on his arms as her thoughts filled with bitter agreement.  She considered all the time that she had spent pining away for the Doctor and never knowing for sure if she would ever be allowed to keep him or not.  She <i>still</i> wasn't really sure - even after all that they had been through and all the time that she had spent trying so hard to get back to him.</p><p>She realized belatedly that her hands had come to a halt over his.  She felt the Doctor go very still as he seemed to pick up on the thoughts that she didn't dare speak out loud.  As she felt embarrassment begin to rise up within her, the Doctor's grip on her shifted and he slowly turned her around to face him once more.</p><p>Standing before his work stool as she was, Rose stood a few inches taller than him.  He had to lean forward in order to press his lips to her cheek in a quick kiss before he took both of her hands in his and met her gaze with a weighty, pointed look.</p><p><i>He is already yours, Rose,</i> he assured her, whispering the words directly into her mind so that there would be no question as to the intensity of the sentiment that lay behind them.  <i>Both of my hearts,</i> he continued earnestly as he pulled against her wrists and settled both of her hands flat against the front of his chest, <i>they belong to you.  You hold them both in your hands - no matter what body they happen to be in.</i></p><p>Rose could feel tears pricking the backs of her eyes as she stared down hard at her hands and attempted to memorize the soothing rhythm of his heartsbeats pounding against her skin.</p><p>"Please don't make me go back," she whispered weakly.  Her voice broke pathetically over the lump in her throat as she struggled to raise her gaze and meet his sharp, intense eyes.</p><p>"You know as well as I do that neither of us have any choice in the matter," he reminded her quietly.  However, she could hear the note of regret in his tone that he was desperately trying to hide.</p><p>"At least let me stay the night," she begged, letting her hands slide up from his chest and grasp the back of his neck.  "Just one more night - it won't hurt anyone."</p><p>"I fear you are rather wrong about that, my dear."  The Doctor's miserable expression made Rose's heart turn over in her chest.  "Every moment that you draw this out is utter torture for me."</p><p>"You always did hate goodbyes," she muttered ruefully.</p><p>"I'm sure I wouldn't know anything about that," he replied quietly.  "I do believe this is the first time I've ever had to experience one."</p><p>"Then let's make it a good one, eh, Doctor?" Rose encouraged him pleadingly.  "One more night, and then I'll go home in the morning, I promise."</p><p>He made no response to that, but Rose could see the grim acceptance settling in his pale eyes.  She reached forward and gave him a long, lingering kiss to show him her gratitude.</p><p>"You should get your rest, if you plan to leave tomorrow," he advised her when it became quite clear that she had no intention of letting him go any time soon.  "Especially after the long night you had yesterday, you will be needing to get as much sleep as possible.  I can't risk sending you back to wherever it is you come from and having others question my treatment of you."</p><p>"What are you trying to say, Doctor?" Rose asked as she pulled away to flash him a look of playful indignation.  "Are you telling me I'm not well-rested?  Are you suggesting I need beauty sleep?"</p><p>Again, he made no response, but the slight lift to his brow and the teasing sparkle in his eyes were answer enough.  Rose rolled her eyes at him as she poked his shoulder in retaliation and continued, "You know, while we're offering free advice, you could do with a bit of that yourself, mister."</p><p>"What, 'beauty sleep'?" he asked, his tone of indignation matching hers exactly.  "Why, Ms. Tyler, I'm certain I don't know what you're talking about.  I've never looked more well-rested in my life.  That tired old man you're attempting to get back to <i>wishes</i> he had what I have."</p><p>"You think you're so impressive," she pressed, flashing him a tongue-touched grin as she settled into the easy back-and-forth that she had been so desperately missing the past couple of years.</p><p>"I <i>am</i> so impressive!" he countered, unknowingly parroting his future self as he instantly shot to his feet and glowered at her.</p><p>"Come on, then," Rose teased.  She grasped both of his hands in her own and pulled against them as she backed her way towards the loft stairs.  "If you're so <i>impressive</i>, Doctor, then why don't you show me some of your moves?"</p><p>"My what?"  His eyes suddenly went wide and he hesitantly pulled back against her beguiling grip on him as he flashed her a look of nervous confusion.</p><p>"Oh, it ... it's nothing."  Rose's teasing grin instantly fell from her face.  She turned her gaze away from his as her cheeks flushed red.  She really hadn't meant to imply anything or suggest that they spend the night doing anything other than sleeping.  She had simply been so caught up in their teasing banter that she had forgotten that this Doctor wasn't exactly keyed in on all of the inside jokes that she shared with his future self.</p><p>"It's just a joke," she assured him nervously.  "It's this ... thing the Doctor and I used to tease each other about."</p><p>She could feel him watching her.  When she finally raised her gaze to meet his, she was surprised to find that his expression was curious rather than alarmed.</p><p>"This relationship between you and my future self continues to baffle me," he informed her.  "The two of you are clearly very close to one another, and yet you tell me that he's never even attempted to make contact with you before.  It seems very strange.  I do not even pretend to know how he does it."</p><p>"Does what?" Rose asked curiously.</p><p>She was able to catch the hint of a teasing smile turning up the edge of his lips before the Doctor suddenly took one large step forward and instantly backed her up against the loft ladder behind her.  She gasped in surprise, but was unable to make any further reaction before he sealed his lips over the sensitive skin of her neck and instantly turned her into putty in his hands.</p><p>"I do not know how he can resist you," he whispered against her skin.</p><p>"Just keep that in mind, once you're a few more centuries down the road, Doctor," Rose replied breathlessly as she fought desperately to control the sudden, wild beating of her own heart.  "Been waiting four years for you to make a move."</p><p>"I assure you I have plenty more," he promised.  "However, I think I will leave those for my future self.  He has been forced to wait far longer than I have."</p><p>"This is starting to sound like it will be a much bigger reunion than I was expecting."  Rose was smiling playfully once more as the Doctor finally pulled away from her and reason slowly returned to her mind.</p><p>"Just you wait, Rose Tyler," he teased, his roguish smile making her pulse spike unevenly.  "I have many things planned for our combined futures."</p><div class="center">
  <p>--------------------</p>
</div><i>It's not the first time that she's forced me to share a bed with her, but it's the first time that she's fallen asleep with her head on my shoulder and my arm wrapped around her waist.</i><p>
  <i>One week ago, I never could have even dreamed of sharing my bed with someone else - let alone an alien woman who I barely knew.  One week ago, I never could have imagined how satisfying it might feel to have a warm body curled up next to mine.  One week ago, I was an ignorant fool.  Now I am simply a lovesick one.</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter Nineteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's Rose's last day on Gallifrey!  The last two chapters of this fic will be set in Rose's universe and they'll cover her reunion with the Tenth Doctor.  There will be several additional 100-word drabbles at the end of this chapter to cover the Doctor's eight-hundred years of time and shenanigans that he has to go through without Rose.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Rose woke the next morning, she was in far better spirits than she had been the morning prior.  She was warm, comfortable, and content in a way that she couldn’t remember being in a very long time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed and snuggled closer to the familiar warmth and scent that surrounded her.  She realized that she and the Doctor had fallen into the same position that they had been in when he had attempted to keep her protected in the Gallifreyan wilderness.  However, it was now his back that was to her front, and her arm that was wrapped tight around his middle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She leaned forward and buried her nose in the loose folds of his shirt as she pressed her palm tighter against the front of his chest.  She silently marked the soothing rhythm of his double heartbeat and attempted to memorize the sensation of it against her fingertips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you … trying to feel my pulse?”</span>
  <span>  The Doctor's low, rumbling voice vibrated against both her hand and her chest as she continued to press as close to him as she could possibly get.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A teasing smile curled up Rose's lips as she nodded her head against the space between his shoulder blades.  She made a small, humming sound of assent in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He let out a small breath of amusement as he slowly reached down and wrapped his hand around hers.  His fingers gently traced against her skin as though it were the most precious thing that he had ever beheld in his life.  She felt as well as heard his slow, nervous intake of breath as he flattened his hand over her own, centering it more solidly between his two beating hearts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose leaned forward to press a slow, lingering kiss to his temple.  The Doctor shivered violently in her grip as he sucked in a startled breath.  However, she felt his eager response as a warmth overflowed from his mind into hers and made her feel as though she were drowning in a sense of love and desire.  He finally forced her hand away from his chest so that he could press a long, lingering kiss to her fingers.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose could have happily stayed in that position for a few hours longer, but the Doctor seemed to have other ideas.  He quickly released his hold on her and sat up in bed as though he was eager to stretch his limbs.  However, Rose watched curiously as he seemed to hesitate there for a moment.  It was as though part of him longed to jump up and run away - an act that she was (unfortunately) quite familiar with - but the other part of him refused to be moved.  He kept his back to her as he let his legs dangle off the far side of the mattress and seemingly weighed his options.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When it seemed that he was unable to come up with a conclusion of his own, Rose grew impatient and decided to make his choice for him.  She rose to a sitting position as well, pressing her cheek tight to his nearest shoulder as she gripped his arm and silently begged him to stay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor immediately let out a long breath of defeat.  His shoulders fell and he slowly leaned back into her.  He muttered something in the musical language of his homeland as he turned and pressed a kiss to her hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve said that before, haven’t you?”</span>
  <span> Rose asked quietly.  </span>
  <span>“It sounds familiar.  What does it mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor let his cheek rest against the top of her head as he heaved another small sigh.  </span>
  <span>“It’s difficult to explain in a language that you would understand,”</span>
  <span> he replied slowly. </span>
  <span> “Time Lords have words that exist outside of time and tenses.  They’re words that aren’t bound to a certain time or space but instead exist in every place, all at once.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me,” </span>
  <span>she insisted as she brushed her hands over his arm in slow, soothing patterns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a promise, I suppose,”</span>
  <span> he explained as he gently nuzzled his cheek against her hair.  </span>
  <span>“A declaration.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A declaration of what?” </span>
  <span>Rose pressed earnestly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of loyalty and dedication.  Of fidelity and trust.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose turned her face further into his shoulder as she squeezed her eyes shut and fought against the tears that threatened to break loose at any moment.  Even after all this time, even after all they’d been through, it seemed that the Doctor still couldn’t bring himself to say the words that she actually needed to hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a promise, I suppose,”</span>
  <span> he continued as he gently nuzzled his cheek against her hair.  </span>
  <span>“It’s a vow to be with you, at all times, no matter what happens.  It’s a promise that exists outside of death and regeneration.  It’s something we might say to someone who we know is going to go far away for a very long time.  It means that I wish I could follow after you, but even if I can’t be with you in body, I’ll be with you in spirit until our timelines cross again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t know the Time Lords could be so poetic." </span>
  <span> Rose decided to try her hand at levity in an attempt to cover up her own heartbreak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor breathed a small noise of amusement as he lifted his head from hers and brought his free hand to the back of her neck, silently urging her to meet his gaze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>daft Time Lord."</span>
  <span>  He raised a sarcastic brow as he smiled down at her.  </span>
  <span>“And I suspect that there are few subjects that might be considered devastating enough for me to wax poetic about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, just give it a few centuries,” </span>
  <span>Rose replied with a slow, watery smile,</span>
  <span> “I’m sure you’ll be able to find plenty out there in the universe to fill out your sonnets.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She watched as his gaze dropped pointedly to her lips and Rose felt her heart turn over in her chest as she took in the look of unabashed hope, desperation, and desire that she saw in his expression.  When he leaned in to kiss her again, it was slow and reverent.  Suddenly, Rose felt as though even a low-class Londoner like herself might be inspired to write a few lines of poetry in the wake of such beauty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose raised her hand to reach for him and urge him to continue, but as she did, she happened to catch sight of the dimension cannon that was still strapped to her wrist from the night before.  She felt a heavy sense of resignation settling in her gut as she realized that this was the last morning that she would ever have with the Doctor like this.  Sometime in the next twenty-four hours, she would have to say goodbye to him and the odd relationship they had created together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose wasn’t sure if the Doctor read her thoughts, or if he simply understood the look of heartbreak on her face, but he instantly caught her shift in mood and raised his hand to cover her wrist.  It was as though he wanted to try and erase their imminent goodbye by simply keeping the device out of sight.</span>
</p><p><em><span>Not yet,</span></em> <span>his thoughts whispered as he leaned forward once more and began to snog her in earnest.</span></p><p><em><span>But soon,</span></em> <span>Rose reminded him solemnly.</span></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He already has your future, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he insisted, </span>
  <em>
    <span>let me have this.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>There was really no telling which one of them it was who reached out to create contact this time.  They both already had their hands in one another’s hair and were mentally seeking connection as though their very lives depended on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Contact, </span>
  </em>
  <span>their minds murmured in unison.  Rose sank back onto the mattress once more and the Doctor eagerly followed after her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could sense the way that he longed for so much more, but he knew that it was not for him to take.  Instead, he filled her thoughts and attempted to memorize every last detail about her so that he could store it all away in the space between his hearts and never forget, no matter what memory blocks were put in place.  She could already feel his mind turning towards the long, empty nights ahead where he would fall asleep alone and wonder why his sheets smelled so hauntingly familiar.  She could sense his future self’s frustration as he paced back and forth and pondered over the strange sensation that something was </span>
  <em>
    <span>missing</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose met his heartache with her own as her mind turned back to Torchwood, back to her family, back to the dimension jumps that took more and more out of her every time she subjected herself to them.  She revealed to him the hurt and disappointment she felt whenever she realized that she had missed him yet again and her frustration as time slowly ticked down all around them and countless innocent lives were lost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t realize that the tears she had been attempting to hold back had broken loose until the Doctor pulled his lips away from her own and gently began kissing the wet tracks from her cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t cry, love,”</span>
  <span> he whispered against her skin.  </span>
  <span>“It’ll all be over soon, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you know?” </span>
  <span>she sobbed desperately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you are the strongest, most capable woman I know.</span>
  <span>"  He continued to catch every tear with his mouth and fingers and refused to let a single one fall.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’ll work, love, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he continued to assure her as his thumb traced over her cheek.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>Trust me.  I wouldn’t ever send you back through that void if I wasn’t absolutely sure.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you were right, Doctor,”</span>
  <span> Rose mused quietly as she reached up and began to trace his features with her fingertips as well.  </span>
  <span>“Maybe things really were meant to happen this way.  I don’t know if I ever would have been able to get back to you in the future if you hadn’t done your little ‘jiggery-pokery’ to my dimension cannon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could see the sour turn to his expression as he clearly displayed his distaste for her cavalier attitude over all of the hard work that he had done over the past few days.  However, she could sense the moment that his thoughts decided not to take offense when she gently traced the edge of his lips with her thumb.  She filled his mind with as much adoration and appreciation as she could manage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor was so sure that she would never give up on her quest to get back to him, but Rose would be lying if she said that she wasn’t beginning to seriously doubt herself.  She had spent so many years taking one step forward and three steps back.  It was wearing on her severely.  Having the Doctor’s reassurance that she wouldn’t have to make any more blind jumps made her nearly dizzy with relief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will be careful, won’t you, Rose?”</span>
  <span> he asked as he continued to dutifully scan every single line of her features and commit them to memory.  </span>
  <span>“I have not asked for details, because frankly, I am afraid to hear what you might have say, but I know that you indicated that something is going on in the future; something dangerous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m always careful,” </span>
  <span>Rose lied quietly.  When the Doctor flashed her a dubious, pointed look in response, she smiled and rolled her eyes good-naturedly at him.  </span>
  <span>“I’ve learned how to get out of a great deal of trouble since meeting you," </span>
  <span>she added teasingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there a lot of this in the future, then?” </span>
  <span> His expression suddenly grew grim as he stared down hard at her. </span>
  <span> “I do not know if I can send you back to him if there is any chance that he might be pulling you into another dangerous situation; knowingly or not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Trouble’s just the bits in between,” </span>
  <span>she assured him as she reached up and placed a slow, lingering kiss to his lips.  </span>
  <span>“Besides, you’re worth the risk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me, Rose,”</span>
  <span> he whispered roughly, </span>
  <span>“what did I ever do to deserve you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not about something that you did,”</span>
  <span> she replied simply, </span>
  <span>“it’s about who you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And who am I?” </span>
  <span>he asked as he continued to pepper her face with sweet, delicate kisses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re mine,”</span>
  <span> Rose informed him simply,</span>
  <span> “my Doctor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yours, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he agreed, using his thoughts to reach out to her while his mouth found better things to do against the sensitive skin of her throat.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>Forever.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--------------------</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose and the Doctor allowed themselves the rest of the morning to simply exist within one another’s company.  When both of Gallifrey’s suns had risen well over the horizon, she finally convinced him to find her one last thermos of tea before she left.  She was pleasantly surprised when, for the first time since she had barged into his life, he sat down and shared breakfast with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t think of what to say,”</span>
  <span> the Doctor finally admitted when he had nothing left to busy his hands or fill his mouth with.  </span>
  <span>“There seems to be so much, but so little time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s always the way with you,”</span>
  <span> Rose teased as lightly as possible. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She was back in her old, blue leather jacket again.  She felt oddly out of place standing there with him in the midst of that old, disused barn.  It was easy to forget when she was wearing her stolen Gallifreyan robes and skirts that she didn’t actually belong here.  Now that reality was sinking in, and it was apparent that she was different - an anomaly who would never be able to fit into this time or place.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a good thing these goodbyes don’t really ever seem to stick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A very good thing indeed,” </span>
  <span>the Doctor agreed as he glanced up at her with a small, wry grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll see each other again,” </span>
  <span>she assured him confidently.  </span>
  <span>“And you won’t have to wait alone - not for all of it.  I may not know much about the life you lived before me, but I think that you have plenty to look forward to, Doctor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not ‘Doctor’,” </span>
  <span>he reminded her quietly.  </span>
  <span>“Not yet.  I’ll have to go back to being ‘Theta’ again - just for a little bit longer, at least.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Theta,” </span>
  <span>Rose agreed thoughtfully.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tilted her head at him and granted him the brightest, most confident smile that she could manage.  The last time that they had said a goodbye like this, she had been sobbing with uncontrollable tears running down her face.  She had thought that it would be the last time that she would ever be able to see the man she loved.  This time was different.  Now she knew that she had something - and, more importantly some</span>
  <em>
    <span>one </span>
  </em>
  <span>- to look forward to.  She knew that this goodbye would not be forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,”</span>
  <span> she informed him simply as she took one last long, lingering look at his youthful face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The three little words seemed to hit him like a punch in the gut, but there was a bright, shining spark of hope in his eyes as well.  A slow grin steadily stretched over his features in response.  He was about to open his mouth to speak, but Rose rushed forward before he could get a single word out and pressed one of her fingers to his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, not now,”</span>
  <span> she instructed him quietly.  </span>
  <span>“Save it for when I get back to you.  I don’t want to hear it for the first time as a goodbye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor sighed as he looked into her eyes with an expression of helpless desperation.  </span>
  <span>“Rose Tyler …”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, Doctor.  I already know,”</span>
  <span> she assured him.  </span>
  <span>“Some things don’t need saying.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>--------------------</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I never do erase her memory in the end.  I simply bury her deep down in the space between my hearts where she can be allowed to take root - a seed of eternal hope.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The call of the stars only grows louder after she leaves, and soon it is a call that I can resist no longer.  I take my favorite granddaughter with me (Arkytior - the only one I ever cared enough about to name myself) and follow the leading call to Earth.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I tell myself it’s because I am bored.  Susan knows it’s because I am searching for someone.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>--------------------</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I remember someone telling me once that I’m rubbish with goodbyes, but it takes me a while to figure out why.  I watch as my newfound friends and acquaintances come and go - some of them disappearing as though they had never been, and others being forcefully ripped away like a Band-Aid.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I suppose it doesn’t really matter in the end.  None of them are really the one I’m searching for, anyway.  I tell myself it’s for the best as I ignore my broken hearts and move on to the next adventure.  Not every goodbye is forever - I’m certain of that.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>--------------------</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The entire time that I’m stranded on Earth, my dreams are haunted by visions of a small, stifling barn and thick, Gallifreyan heat.  I left my home planet because I hated being confined, but now I am right back in yet another prison.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I keep the vision of a starry, pre-dawn sky ever before my eyes - the sensation of fingertips at my temples and the smell of arkytior blooms on the breeze.  It calms my wanderlust, but does nothing to satisfy the sensation of desperate yearning.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am surrounded by people; drowning in humanity - but none of them are her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>--------------------</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>With all of time and space once more at my disposal, I take to the skies with even more recklessness than when I originally left Gallifrey.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I try to abandon my search for her, but it seems that every young human instantly snares my attention.  Any one of them could be the one who I know I am missing.  I don’t remember what she looks like - those details have been long forgotten in an attempt to preserve the timelines.  I only know that she’s out there, somewhere, waiting for me, but I can never seem to catch up to her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>--------------------</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The slow path is longer and more painful than I could have ever imagined.  I bear every single loss and hardship, following the song that continues to call me across space and time, leading me steadily onward in the direction of my destiny.  It is a call that haunts me whether I am asleep or awake, a call that no one else seems to understand.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They think my wandering aimless, my goal intangible.  I do not bother correcting them; after all, I barely remember my true purpose myself.  I just know that I can’t stop; someone is waiting for me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>--------------------</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I used to dream of eternity with wide-eyed hope and childlike exuberance.  Now I’ve nearly forgotten the twisted, golden timelines twining together into infinity, their voices whispering such promise, such joy, such peace.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I forgot that eternity can be a curse as much as it can be a blessing.  It is cruel, destructive, and uncaring.  It does not spare a thought for all those that it tears away while I, alone, am forced to go on.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>With each new goodbye I am reminded of the piece of me that is missing.  She is the only hope that I have left.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>--------------------</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How many centuries have I searched?  How many years have I spent trying to fill the void she left behind?  How much time have I wasted in this fruitless endeavor?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gallifrey is gone, but that was never really my home.  My home is not a place or a planet or a purpose.  Home, for me, is solid golden timelines.  Home is a warm hand in mine and the subtle hint of arkytior blooms on the breeze.  Home is a promise of forever that I know is lying in wait somewhere up ahead, just around the bend of the time vortex ...</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter Twenty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Rose’s jump back into her parallel universe ended up being surprisingly smooth.  It took her no time at all to be reunited with her parents, Mickey, and the rest of her Torchwood team.  She soon learned that, from their point of view, no time had passed at all.  They hadn’t even had time to concern themselves over the fact that Rose’s dimension cannon had gone off-line before she had suddenly popped back into their lives again.  It seemed that while she had spent an entire week on Gallifrey with the Doctor, her friends and parents had barely had enough time to blink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As predicted, her team was baffled and intrigued by the modifications that the Doctor had made to the dimension cannon.  However, Rose was impatient to get back to work.  She gave them only a few hours to fawn over his clever rewiring before insisting that they reset for another jump.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to get back,” </span>
  <span>she declared.  </span>
  <span>“The cannon is far more accurate now.  I know that it’ll be able to lead us to exactly the right time and place.  We have to go through now while we still can, before it’s too late …”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you’re so sure, then you’re not going through alone,” Mickey reminded her sternly.  “If we’ve finally got the right time and place, then we’re coming with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,”</span>
  <span> Rose agreed distractedly. </span>
  <span> “Do whatever you need to do to get the other cannons up to speed.  If you link them to mine, we should be able to all get through together.  Just hurry!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--------------------</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Rose next stumbled back into the correct universe again, she instantly knew that she had gotten it right this time.  Even if the strange planets hanging in the dark sky over her head hadn’t been there, she would have been able to tell somehow.  It felt exactly the same way as she remembered it, right down to the familiar smell of the city in her lungs.  She looked around the empty, suburban street that she had landed on and wondered how much time they had left before reality started crumbling around them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She immediately began searching for the Doctor, with a focused efficiency that was near-manic.  She fought desperately to make as much use of her time here as possible.  She had trained herself early on during her work with the dimension cannon to use every second that she had in this universe to her advantage if she was ever going to be able to run into the Doctor again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t find him right away, but she found the next best thing in Donna Noble’s family.  The last time Rose had run into Donna, she had very nearly managed to get back to him.  She had to hope that the Doctor’s current companion would still be a reliable link to help her find him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, the grating, menacing voice of the daleks closing in all around her was making her feel more pressed for time than normal.  Just when Rose was beginning to lose hope and resign herself to yet another doomed attempt, she was greeted by the familiar voice of Harriet Jones.  She was forced to sit in silence and wait as everyone </span>
  <em>
    <span>but </span>
  </em>
  <span>her was allowed to connect with one another and unite under the single purpose of finding the Doctor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she finally heard his voice and saw his face again at long last, Rose felt her heart immediately leap into her throat.  Her mind reached for him without thought, as though she still might somehow be able to connect with him in the same way that she had done with his past self.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doctor, it’s me,”</span>
  <span> she whispered, even though she knew that he would never be able to hear her.  </span>
  <span>“I came back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone except Rose …”</span>
  <span> he sighed as he eagerly greeted his assembled team of humans.  It seemed that even though they couldn’t quite manage to fully connect with one another, he still somehow knew that she was there, waiting for him.  The sheer hope in his voice made Rose’s heart flutter in silent answer.</span>
</p><p><em><span>I’m here, Doctor,</span></em> <span>her mind cried out silently. </span><em><span>I’ve come so far, I’ve fought for so long, I did everything you told me to, and I’ve found you again.  At last ...</span></em></p><p>
  <span>She quickly made plans to hack into the subwave network that Harriet Jones had set up, but she never got the chance to implement them.  As she watched the assembled team begin to jump into action, Rose eagerly grabbed the gun that Mickey had insisted she take with her and programmed another jump that would take her directly to wherever the TARDIS happened to land next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The jump worked so easily and so accurately after the adjustments that the Doctor had made to her device on Gallifrey.  She could scarcely believe her eyes as she stared down the dark, suburban street before her and watched as an old, blue box slowly materialized into existence.  She could feel time slowing to a crawl around her as she froze in place and simply stared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor burst through the doors first, though he didn’t see her as he made his initial survey of the dark, abandoned street.  Donna, however, immediately locked eyes with her as she followed after him a moment later.  Rose watched as recognition sparked in the other woman’s eyes and a knowing grin turned up her features.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the Doctor turned to see what his companion was staring at, Rose suddenly felt as though she couldn’t breathe.  A wide, eager smile instantly slipped over her features.  The Doctor didn’t smile, though - he turned and burst into a run before he even got the chance.  Rose soon decided that he probably had the right idea about things.  She broke into a sprint a moment later and they both raced to see who could reach the other first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A slow smile of understanding was gradually beginning to brighten the Doctor’s features.  She gasped and nearly tripped over her own two feet as she suddenly felt a second presence creeping up around the back of her mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Rose …</span>
  </em>
  <span> he whispered in wonderous disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could feel tears pricking the backs of her eyes as she realized that he remembered everything - all of what they had been through together on Gallifrey.  She had no idea how or why, but in that moment, she didn’t particularly care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She paused only long enough to abandon the large weapon that she had been hefting along with her, which gave the Doctor time enough to slow his pace so that they didn’t violently collide into one another.  However, when she leapt into his arms and he eagerly caught her, she still hit him with enough force to send them both tumbling ungracefully backwards into the pavement below.</span>
</p><p><em><span>How …?</span></em> <span>she asked wordlessly as she squeezed her arms around his neck and fought to calm her wildly racing heartbeat.  Despite the fact that he had his own arms wrapped solidly around her middle and was currently burying his nose against her neck, she could scarcely believe that she was actually </span><em><span>here</span></em><span>; that it had actually </span><em><span>worked</span></em><span>.</span></p><p>
  <span>The Doctor seemed to understand immediately what her half-formed question was referring to.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>The memory blocks were designed to disappear when our timelines finally lined up, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he informed her as he filled her mind with so much breathless wonder and happiness that it made her dizzy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you,”</span>
  <span> she murmured earnestly against his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose,”</span>
  <span> he replied breathlessly, finally speaking her name out loud.  The sound of it made her pulse skip a beat as the two of them filled each other’s minds with their combined years of yearning and waiting.  </span>
  <span>“Long time, no see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Been busy, you know …”</span>
  <span>  Her voice came out sounding choked as she forced herself to speak past the lump in her throat.  She breathed a small, watery laugh as she forced her grip around his neck to loosen so that she could lean back and see his face - the face that she had waited so many years to be reunited with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor’s hands were immediately around either side of her face, his warm brown eyes dropping to her lips with a look of eager anticipation.  However, he seemed to hesitate at the last moment.  Rose watched as nervous apprehension froze him in place and his brow furrowed ever-so-slightly.  So much between them had changed since the last time they had seen each other in his timeline.  He found himself suddenly unsure of how to act around her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, Rose immediately set aside the concern that she could sense growing in his mind as she reached forward and completed the action for him.  She brought her lips crashing down over his own and slid her fingers up towards the sensitive skin of his temples.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Contact, </span>
  </em>
  <span>they sighed in unison as they clung tight to one another and felt their minds slowly slide into place against one another again.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Missed you, missed you, waited so long … </span>
  </em>
  <span>their thoughts sang in perfect harmony with one another.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>At last, at last, together again ...</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Blimey.”  The sudden, unexpected third voice made Rose startle slightly as she finally pulled her lips away from the Doctor’s.  Her eyes immediately landed on Donna, who was watching the two of them with a wry, amused look.  “Might have known you two would be just repressed enough to start snogging in the middle of the street like that.  Seems it’s up to me to remind you that the rest of us are currently facing life-threatening danger.  Is that ringing any bells for you?  Hmm, Time Lord?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor rolled his eyes and glared up at his fiery, red-headed companion, but there was no real ire in his gaze as he slowly pulled himself back to his feet once more.  His hand never once left Rose’s as the mental connection between them remained strong and open.</span>
</p><p><em><span>Still work to be done,</span></em> <span>his thoughts sighed warily.</span></p><p><em><span>I’ve waited two years, Doctor.  I can wait a little longer,</span></em> <span>Rose assured him patiently.</span></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve waited eight-hundred.  </span>
  </em>
  <span>The stern look in that he shot her did nothing to hide the desperation in his eyes. </span>
  
  <em>
    <span>I don’t think I can.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>--------------------</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite the Doctor’s insistence that he could not put aside his burning desire to be alone with Rose once more, the threat of a whole fleet of daleks stubbornly refused to be ignored.  Still, they managed to save the day in the end and everybody lived.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With the Doctor’s innermost thoughts still open to her, Rose could sense the way that he still regretted every single goodbye that he was forced to make that day.  However, with each lingering farewell, Rose was there to fill his mind with hopeful reassurances as she patiently reminded him that not every goodbye had to be forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the end, it was just the two of them and Donna left.  At least, Rose was relatively </span>
  <em>
    <span>certain</span>
  </em>
  <span> that Donna was still around the TARDIS somewhere.  She had disappeared at some point with more subtlety than Rose had known the woman to be capable of,  leaving the Doctor and Rose alone in the console room together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What now?”</span>
  <span> Rose asked as she hesitantly broke the tense silence between them.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could sense the exhaustion in the Doctor’s thoughts as she slowly rounded the console to stand at his side.  They had both been running for far too hard and far too long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Rose Tyler,”</span>
  <span> the Doctor sighed as he warily avoided her gaze.  </span>
  <span>“You tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doctor,”</span>
  <span> Rose muttered severely, </span>
  <span>“I spent all that time trying to find you.  If you seriously think I’m going back to that parallel world now, then you’re not nearly as clever as you claim to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about your parents?” </span>
  <span> His gaze finally lifted from the TARDIS controls so that he could level a serious, pointed look on her.  </span>
  <span>“What about Mickey and Torchwood and your brother?”</span>
</p><p><span>“They don’t need me.”  </span><span>Rose forced herself to meet his gaze with a stoic, unflinching expression.  </span><em><span>Not like you do,</span></em> <span>her thoughts added silently.</span></p><p><em><span>Rose Tyler,</span></em> <span>the Doctor’s mind sighed in resignation.  </span><em><span>Sometimes I think you know me perhaps a bit too well.</span></em></p><p>
  <span>Rose felt a wave of self-doubt rush through her mind before she had the chance to attempt to hide it from him.  She nervously dropped her gaze from his as her thoughts replied solemnly, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Not as well as I would like.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She could sense the Doctor’s answering wave of confusion as he focused his gaze more intently on her.  She forced herself to meet his dark eyes once more as she muttered, </span>
  <span>“Just answer me this, Doctor - when you left me standing on that beach on the worst day of my life, what was the last thing you said to me?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She watched with a sinking heart as a familiar, shuttered expression stole over the Doctor’s face and his thoughts turned hesitantly away from hers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go on,”</span>
  <span> she insisted stubbornly.  </span>
  <span>“Say it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said ‘Rose Tyler’ …”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
  <span> Rose pressed.  </span>
  <span>“And how was that sentence going to end?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it need saying?” </span>
  <span> The Doctor’s gaze dropped once more to the TARDIS controls as he studiously attempted to avoid their conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose didn’t attempt to hide her wave of embarrassed disappointment.  Her cheeks flushed and her own gaze slid towards the TARDIS floor grating.  After all they’d been through and all that they’d said and done, it seemed that she still wouldn’t ever be enough for him.  She had told him she loved him once at Bad Wolf Bay, and once again on Gallifrey, but it seemed that he would never be able to give her those three, simple words in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was distracted from the sensation of her heart breaking into a million little pieces as a powerful wave of emotion suddenly shot through the Doctor like a lightning bolt.  Before she had time to react, he was suddenly standing directly before her, his hand reaching tentatively for her elbow as he silently begged for her to look up and meet his gaze.</span>
</p><p><span>As soon as she did, she gasped as she was nearly overcome by the sensation of his mind filling hers.  </span><em><span>How could you not know by now?</span></em> <span>he whispered silently as his dark eyes bored into hers.  </span><em><span>How could you possibly doubt?  I’ve already tried to tell you twice before.  Do you still not know?</span></em></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Say it, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Rose encouraged him desperately. </span>
  
  <em>
    <span>Please, Doctor, just this one time.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His expression was stern and serious as he gazed down at her, but Rose thought that she saw a small spark of something vulnerable in his eyes as he slowly leaned forward and placed his lips next to her ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose Tyler,”</span>
  <span> he whispered, the soft sound of his voice and the feel of his breath on her skin making her shiver, </span>
  <span>“I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he pulled away from her once more to inspect her reaction, Rose stared up at him in shocked silence for so long that she could feel his thoughts beginning to grow self-conscious.  She forced herself to blink as she slowly came back to her right mind and reminded herself to breathe.  As soon as she was able to think clearly again, she reached forward and roughly grabbed for the lapels of his suit.  She pulled him close and leaned up on her toes to plant a long, desperate kiss against his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t take long before the Doctor raised his arms to circle around her.  He eagerly slanted his head to the side in order to pull her in deeper.</span>
</p><p><em><span>You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to tell you that,</span></em> <span>his thoughts sighed contentedly in the back of her mind.</span></p><p><em><span>Can I give you some advice, Doctor?</span></em> <span>Rose replied teasingly.  She pulled away just far enough so that she could whisper against his lips, </span><span>“Don’t wait so long next time.”</span></p><p>
  <span>She could feel the Doctor’s amused thoughts and the upward turn to his lips as he leaned in to continue their snogging once more. </span>
  <span> “Rose Tyler,”</span>
  <span> he murmured between kisses, </span>
  <span>“I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you, too, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she agreed silently.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>Always have, and always will.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>--------------------</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>When the week of half-forgotten memories finally came rushing back to me, they filled my mind and my hearts until I felt as though I was going to burst.  How had I not realized that Rose was the missing piece that I’d been searching for all this time?  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve waited so long for my chance to give her those three words that rightfully belong to her that I nearly miss the opportunity yet again.  But some things really do need saying.  The words fill both of our minds until there can be no more doubt.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Rose Tyler, I love you.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!  The last chapter will be an epilogue of sorts to wrap up the story.  I hope you enjoy it!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter Twenty-One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The Doctor didn’t bother asking for an opinion on where they should go next.  However, he seemed to recognize on some level that he owed both Rose and Donna an apology, because he took them to the beaches of Rankori - the most renowned resort moon in the Andromeda galaxy in the eighty-second century.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Donna was dazzled by the all-inclusive spas and the luxurious amenities.  Rose was simply eager to finally be on a beach that had sun and surf and no negative, heartbreaking memories to it.  All in all, it was a fantastic welcome-home gift and the best destination she could have asked for to celebrate her return to her home universe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While Donna had gone off on her own to investigate the extent of the resort, Rose had retreated to the beach to get a better look at the ocean, and the Doctor had trailed silently after her.  They ended up walking through the sand together at a slow, comfortable pace.  They kept a companionable distance; never quite touching, at least not on purpose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how was it, then?”</span>
  <span> Rose asked as casually as possible in an attempt to break the silence between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was what?”</span>
  <span> the Doctor replied hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All the time I’ve been away.  Did I miss much?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that depends.”</span>
  <span>  The Doctor turned to flash her a strained smile as he continued, </span>
  <span>“Are we talking about from the last time </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>saw </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, or the last time that </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>saw </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, right.”</span>
  <span>  Rose let loose a small breath of laughter that had no real mirth to it.  </span>
  <span>“I forgot how barmy time can be with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor’s tense smile remained as he looked out over the waves before them and refused to meet her eye.  However, he did reach out and let his fingers slowly twine with hers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose had been able to feel the Doctor’s presence in the back of her mind ever since she had returned to this universe and they had first established contact with one another, but with his skin on hers, the connection was somehow strengthened.  She sighed as she felt the familiar edges of his thoughts settling against hers.  It seemed that the more that they did this “contact” thing, the more connected their two minds became.  At this point, the Doctor’s presence in her thoughts was beginning to feel almost like second nature.</span>
</p><p><span>“I missed you."  </span><span>Rose's</span> <span>gaze tracked over features that were at once so familiar, and yet so strange.  With their minds linked so closely together, she didn’t have to use words to explain to him her conflicting sensations of regret and joy, reunion and loss, peace and guilt.  She wasn’t sure if words even existed to convey the sensation of missing someone who was sitting right in front of you.</span></p><p>
  <span>The Doctor’s mind silently embraced her solemn emotions.  His brow furrowed over brown eyes that had always been far too expressive for his own good.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>I miss Theta sometimes, too, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he admitted quietly.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His mind finished the sentiment using emotions rather than words.  Rose gasped as she was nearly overcome by the great sense of regret and loss that came hand-in-hand with living so many different lives.  The Doctor had come so far, and been so many different people.  It was hard not to miss parts and pieces that had been lost or irrevocably changed along the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re the most impossible man I’ve ever known, Doctor,”</span>
  <span> Rose murmured as she continued to examine the profile of the man at her side.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She realized, belatedly, what a gift this was.  There were days and months and years when she thought that she would never be able to reunite with the Doctor again.  She had waited two years to get to be able to communicate so openly like this with him.  She had had a few stolen moments on Gallifrey along the way, but now she had an eternity to learn and relearn the Doctor as many times as he would allow her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Always fancied the impossible,”</span>
  <span> he informed her as he finally turned and met her gaze. </span>
  
  <span>He flashed her a teasing wink as he added,</span>
  <span> “That, at least, has never changed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably never will,”</span>
  <span> Rose agreed with a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suppose not</span>
  <span>."  Once again, he completed his sentiment in silence.  Rose could sense him mentally reviewing his renewed memories of her visit to Gallifrey and all the time that they had spent with each other.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>You were the one who taught me to believe in impossible things, Rose, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he whispered gently. </span>
  
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know if I’d be here today if it weren’t for you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you, either, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Rose reminded him.  She followed his lead and silently reviewed all of the long days and nights of hard work that he had put into her dimension cannon in order to help her get back to her current position in space and time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor’s answering grin was so wide that Rose couldn’t help but reciprocate it.  He offered up another mental image of herself from those red grass fields on Gallifrey.  There were tiny threads of gold weaving in impossible patterns all around her head and spelling out a promise of eternity.  Layered underneath it all was the memory of the brightest and strongest gold thread of all - the one that had nearly bound them together for life when Rose had accidentally gotten carried away during their first contact with one another.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What is it, Doctor? </span>
  </em>
  <span>she asked as she silently brought up her own memory of the tantalizing golden bridge that remained uncrossed between them.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>You never properly explained, before.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><em><span>It’s a bond, Rose,</span></em> <span>he informed her, his voice sounding wary and hesitant within her head.  They had come to a stop without Rose realizing it.  They both now faced one another while their shoes sank slowly into the warm sand.</span></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why does it scare you so much? </span>
  </em>
  <span> She could feel the aching pull of it even now, as they spoke mind-to-mind with one another.  It was warm and comforting and insistent.  She couldn’t understand why it filled the Doctor with such a sense of hesitant foreboding.</span>
</p><p><em><span>It’s eternal,</span></em> <span>he answered simply, his brown eyes so deep and sad that it nearly took her breath away.  </span><em><span>Forever.  Unbreakable, unchangeable, impenetrable.</span></em></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What’s so bad about that?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m nine-hundred-years-old, Rose,”</span>
  <span> he informed her warily. </span>
  <span> “I’ve outlived nearly everyone I’ve ever cared about.  I even outlived Gallifrey and the Time Lords, in the end.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned in all that time, it’s that eternity can be a prison.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t say that,” </span>
  <span>Rose insisted with a small, vehement shake of her head.  </span>
  <span>“It doesn’t have to be that way.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She reached out with her mind and silently reminded him of all the time that they had spent on Gallifrey together.  Back then, he had looked at her timelines with such hope and awe in his eyes.  He had set his gaze on eternity and it had brought a look of wonder to his face.  She knew that he had lived quite a few lifetimes since then, and had been forced through more than most people could bear, but she refused to see this one small part of him change.  The Doctor was still the Doctor, and that meant that eternity held endless possibilities and hope for a brighter tomorrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Rose could finish sorting through her memories and complete her thought, she was startled out of her moment of concentration by a pair of cool lips silently claiming hers.  She startled for only a moment before eagerly sinking back into the desperate, demanding kiss.</span>
</p><p><em><span>All those years, all that time, all that searching …</span></em> <span>the Doctor’s thoughts muttered disjointedly.  </span><span>You </span><em><span>were my hope, Rose.  </span></em><span>You </span><em><span>were the home I was searching for.  </span></em><span>You </span><em><span>were the reason I had to keep going.</span></em></p><p>
  <span>Rose couldn’t suppress the small, desperate noise that escaped from the back of her throat as she reached for the Doctor’s neck and began snogging him in earnest.  She didn’t have words in that moment to express her undying gratitude and devotion for this one, impossible man, but as the Doctor slanted his head in order to deepen their kiss, she knew that he was able to understand anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doctor,”</span>
  <span> she whispered when she finally broke away for air once more.  </span>
  <span>“Would you let me try something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It seemed to take a minute for her words to get through to him.  He simply stood there and stared at her for a few moments.  His pupils were blown wide and his hearts were hammering away in his chest.  Finally, he breathed a small chuckle as he recognized the question that he had asked her in those red grass fields on Gallifrey over ten lifetimes ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Rose,”</span>
  <span> he replied gently. </span>
  <span> “Anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyelids slipped shut in a silent display of trust as he bent closer towards her.  Rose couldn’t help but notice the way that her hands were shaking slightly as she reached out to tentatively touch the skin of his face.  There was no need for contact when they were already so near to one another and sharing practically every thought.  She could feel the Doctor patiently soothing her nerves as he waited for her next move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was slow and methodical in her perusal of his features.  Her fingertips ghosted over every inch of his face as she allowed herself to revel in the nearness that she had barely dared to dream of just a few short years ago.  The Doctor kept his eyes shut the entire time, silently allowing her to map out this body’s features while he took his time in exploring the deepest corners of her mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose’s breath caught in her chest as the bond flared bright between them once more.  When she tentatively began to follow the leading call of the golden light, the Doctor’s eyes suddenly flew open.  He leveled a sharp, intent gaze on her.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Rose …? </span>
  </em>
  <span>he asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her only response was to pull more insistently against the unformed bond that lay between them.  She could feel the Doctor’s hands tightening reflexively where they rested against her waist.  They pulled her even closer as he breathed in a soft, surprised gasp of air.  She could feel his thoughts struggling against the current of the bond.  He was desperately fighting for reason while all of his instincts were urging him forward.</span>
</p><p><em><span>You don’t know what you’re asking, Rose …</span></em> <span>he insisted silently.</span></p><p>
  <span>“I promised you forever, Doctor,”</span>
  <span> she reminded him. </span>
  <span> “And you … you said ‘always’.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Always, </span>
  </em>
  <span>his thoughts immediately agreed, despite the way that his cool, rational brain still railed against her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was … a long time ago …”</span>
  <span> he muttered distractedly while he struggled within himself.  His hands were still around her waist and his deep brown eyes couldn’t seem to stop tracking between her eyes and her lips.  His thoughts were searching hers curiously as he fought to find balance in his internal struggle.  Her mind was so certain, so sure - how was that even possible?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please, </span>
  </em>
  <span>a small, desperate voice whispered quietly between them.  Rose couldn’t tell whose mind it had come from, or if the plea was something that was simply born of the bond that continued to pull so insistently against them both.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know that your ‘forever’ will go on long past my own,” </span>
  <span>Rose admitted quietly, </span>
  <span>“but I made up my mind a long time ago, Doctor.  I’m never gonna leave you.  And if …  I mean, I just thought … since you said all those things before …”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor silenced her rambling words with a series of long, melodic syllables in the foreign language that Rose had grown so used to hearing on Gallifrey.  She recognized the strange words as the phrase that his past self had whispered to her on more than one occasion in that old, sunlit barn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you the words were a promise, Rose,” </span>
  <span>he continued in English.  </span>
  <span>“Do you remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course I do,”</span>
  <span> she replied breathlessly.  Her heart fluttered desperately as she remembered all of the times that he had spoken those words to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s more than that, though,” </span>
  <span>he continued solemnly.  </span>
  <span>“These words - they’re my name.  My </span>
  <em>
    <span>true </span>
  </em>
  <span>name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your name?” </span>
  <span>Rose repeated.  She paused for a moment as she mentally reviewed all that the Doctor had told her about himself up until this point.  He had always been cagey about revealing truths about himself, so it was difficult for her to comprehend why he would be telling her this now.  But the last day that she had spent on Gallifrey - the last time that he had spoken these strange, foreign words to her - he had told her that it was a vow; a promise to be with her through any time and in any place, no matter what.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She breathed a small chuckle of amusement as she shook her head at him.  </span>
  <span>“You really are impossible, you know that?” </span>
  <span>she murmured wryly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one else knows that name,”</span>
  <span> he continued, refusing to be swayed from the intensity of the moment by her light-hearted tone.  </span>
  <span>“Gallifrey is gone, now.  You’re the only other person who will ever know my true name, Rose Tyler.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose had always liked the way that the Doctor spoke her name.  Right from the very first moment that she had met him, and through every incarnation she had met since.  It was like a silent, unspoken promise - a vow that gave her hope no matter what the situation around them looked like.  Now, however, the promise was no longer subtle or silent.  The Doctor spoke her name with reverent dedication that she knew would far outlive her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She swallowed past the lump in her throat as she gazed up into his dark brown eyes.  She silently let him know that she understood the gravity of the situation and fully accepted all of the responsibility and consequences that came with it.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose fumbled with the foreign vowels and consonants as the Doctor once more slowly repeated his name and encouraged her to try and mimic him.  He was as gentle and patient with her as he always was as she slowly struggled through the strange syllables.  She could feel the amusement in the Doctor’s thoughts as she silently cursed the Time Lords for being such a ridiculous, long-winded race.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once she was finally able to repeat his name back to him in full, she knew that it sounded stilted and her accent was all wrong.  However, the spark that caught and flared between them instantly erased all of her remaining hesitation.  She barely managed to get the last syllable out before the Doctor claimed her lips once more in another long, heated kiss.  Rose easily reciprocated, finding that she much preferred the feel and taste of him rather than the awkward sound of his foreign name on her tongue.</span>
</p><p><em><span>If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to stick to calling you ‘Theta’,</span></em> <span>Rose informed him wryly.  They clung tight to one another as they finally allowed the current of the bond to sweep them up and pull them under.</span></p><p>
  <span>She could sense the Doctor’s amusement in his thoughts, but he made no response.  He simply continued to intently explore both her lips and her mind.</span>
</p><p><em><span>Call me whatever you want, love,</span></em> <span>he whispered silently.  </span><em><span>I’m yours.</span></em></p><p>
  <span>They both made a small, sighing noise of satisfaction as the bridge between them was at last established.  Rose supposed that she shouldn’t have been surprised by how easily it slipped into place between them.  After all, they had been dancing around the connection for far longer than either of them even knew.  It was so simple, so easy, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>right </span>
  </em>
  <span>that it nearly took her breath away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose Tyler had known from the first moment that she first decided to travel with the Doctor that she had found her home in this one, impossible alien and his daft old police box.  However, she didn’t realize until that moment how deep the sentiment ran.  Her true home wasn’t a place or a time or even a person.  Her home was </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>- golden light and a second presence melding with her mind.  Her home was a sense of peace and unity that promised always and forever and eternity.  Her home was the two of them together - tied in an unbreakable bond that would never fade or age with time.  Her home was hope.  Her home was love.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--------------------</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve spent my entire life running - always chasing after something just outside of my reach.  Gallifrey was never enough.  Even all of time and space couldn’t fill the void.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve met monsters and aliens, seen civilizations rise and fall; watched planets burn and babies being born.  I've marked the turn of the universe.  All of it has been amazing and terrifying and heartbreaking and wonderful, but it still wasn’t enough.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I needed hope.  I needed unity.  I needed her.  She is the piece I’ve been missing; the one thing I've been chasing after all along - home, the long way round.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so, so much to anyone who has read, commented on, subscribed to, bookmarked, or left kudos on this fic.  I have been absolutely blown away by your amazing support.  I honestly wasn't expecting much of a reaction to this story, so I've been so happy to see that you've enjoyed it!</p><p>I'll make one more shameless plug and suggest that if you like Doctor Who and audio dramas, check out @FiveSatellite on Twitter!  It's a group that I'm a part of that will be producing fan-made audio stories on YouTube.  Recordings are happening as we speak, so episodes should be rolling out soon!</p><p>As always, you can also find and support my fanfic on FFN and follow me on Tumblr if you like, all under the name chasingthecosmos. &lt;3 &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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